I don't know about y'all, but I can't say I've ever received a package that wasn't meant for me. Mail, sure, but not a whole package.
I've always pictured it being like when you find someone's lost dog. You know you have to give it back, but it's still hard to let go when the owner shows up.
Instead, I should start imagining those packages as the things on this list. That'll make me give 'em up real quick.
I'm all for praising her vivid imagination, but I'm sure her parents would like to skip the step where she starts walking on the ceiling.
You might ask where the driver is if that's true, but I can appreciate why they'd rather run than try to explain how this happened.
I don't know, maybe some remnant of my inner child is drawing a line in the sand and saying this involves too many vegetables.
Obviously, everyone who isn't its best buddy needs to be eliminated. I'm not intimidated, I'm just respecting its wishes.
I'm guessing they were so long that she had to take her mirror out of the frame? Unless there's a headless aesthetic I don't know about.
Now I know that if somebody tries to offer me "phone-aged bread," I should avoid them like the plague.
You know, unlike those totally legitimate randos offering food to strangers for free.
And if that's not a nightmare scenario for whoever gets stuck at the urinal next to them, I don't know what is.
Remember how I said "phone-aged" bread is no good? Well, beware of "protein-infused" bread too, because I'm pretty sure this is all that really means.
Because even though this pizza is extremely disappointing, it's still pizza and therefore deserves a modicum of respect.
I'm not gonna be the one to tell it that it's causing an international incident, though. Y'all can go ahead and have fun with that.
But, to be fair, we can't call it a fact unless we know for sure that the guy said, "Yup, that's perfect, thanks" when he got his phone back from the photographer.
Even then, he could always say he was just being sarcastic.
If that should tell you anything, it's that suddenly surprising him with a swarm of bugs is A-OK. Especially the obstructed vision aspect of it.
Don't get me wrong, the whole "not a witch's trap like that gingerbread house" aesthetic is great. I just think those things will get a little moldy when it rains.
Totally the only reason.
Honestly, I just need a few minutes without it staring intently into my eyes so my kidneys can get over their stage fright.
Especially since that might actually happen if they use different companies for their house and car. I bet both companies would be suppressing giggles.
I mean, I'm flexible. If they throw in the antivenom I'll probably need when that thing inevitably bites me, we'll talk.
God, I'm such a sucker.
