I don’t know about all of you, but I did a whole lot of nothing today and I am exhausted . So I definitely need something to help me unwind from all of that.
If you’re also in need of a good laugh then look no further because I’ve compiled some of the funniest tweets the internet has to offer, courtesy of the amazing ladies of Twitter.
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So let’s all put on our favorite pair of track pants and cozy up with a tall glass of the good stuff as we all enjoy a good laugh because sis, we earned it.
We’ll get to that.
Repeat after me: trust no man .
Thanks ma.
Look, I’m not saying my mom is necessarily ashamed of me. But I do embarrass her a lot. Like, a lot-a lot. Maybe too much. Probably too much.
Hang on, I’ll ask her.
Quality assurance.
So really, when my boyfriend refuses to let me eat any of his ice cream, he’s just trying to save me from the threat of being poisoned.
Awe , babe.
That one stung.
One time in college someone told me I look like the kind of girl who was obsessed with horses as a kid and that’s still the worst burn I’ve ever gotten to this day.
Thanks for the shout out.
Can we please talk about how our teachers would attempt to publicly shame us in a room full of our peers who genuinely could not have cared less ?
Y’all gotta pick your battles better.
I need this kind of attention every day.
I don’t have a little sister to demand this for me, so I guess I’ll just have to step up and tell my boyfriend how blessed he is myself.
It’s just not realistic.
I’m not saying I’m a better architect than the professionals. But when I build a house on Sims, I make sure that every bedroom gets its own bathroom.
And I’ve never heard a single complaint.
That’s the spot.
Now keep those expectations real low and we can have an adequate time. Wink .
How ’bout that?
I get personally offended when my mom refuses to do stuff for me.
I know I’m a full grown adult who lives in a completely different city now but you really can’t call the dentist for me?! It’s like, do you even love me anymore?
It’s almost a look.
This is how I look coming out of the change room at the mall: a hot mess with a cute skirt on, telling my mom to just picture how it’d look with my hair and makeup done.
It didn’t work out, but that sushi place is still my number one.
And if you try to come at me with the whole ” but-you’ll-just-think-of-them-every-time-you-go-there ” thing, you can sit down again because all I’m thinking about while I’m there is the delicious meal I’m about to destroy.
Cat’s out of the bag.
If I really didn’t feel like going somewhere, I’d hold the house phone up and get my mom to say I can’t go in the background, just so my friends thought it was coming right from the source.
I don’t want that responsibility.
In my experience, the guys who say they’re looking for an “adventure buddy” are just looking for someone with a steady income who can fund their random trips to Central America so they take a picture of themselves doing a handstand in front of a waterfall for Instagram.
Living large.
Look, we all have different ideas of what it means to “live life to the fullest”. Mine just so happens to mean ordering several appetizers for myself and then proceeding to eat those appies in the dark while watching Netflix.
Lazy, but consistent.
I also like to admire all the bright, colorful clothes hanging up in my closet as I grab for the same black hoodie I wear every single day.
The prICE must be paid.
And once the floor gods have accepted your sacrifice, you must then kick it with a single socked foot underneath the refrigerator.
I’m in no state for a PHONE CALL.
You can’t just surprise someone with a phone call nowadays. I need time to mentally prepare myself for that experience.
And if you randomly try to video call me while we’re texting, I’m never talking to you again.
Why have we all been sleeping on Steve Carrell?
He’s literally gone from lovable goof to stone-cold zaddy and I’m here for it.
Don’t believe me? Google him, sis.
That conversation still hasn’t ended.
My mom’s favorite thing to do was mute the television when the phone rang, which means I’d have to sit quietly on the couch and just watch the characters talk to each other on screen while my mom had a pointless two-hour conversation.
Please feel free to bow down to me or whatever.
I’ve also been known to plug a USB in the right way on the first try so yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m one a completely different plane of existence now.
