In a perfect world, every wedding ceremony and reception would go off without a hitch.
No one would trip on their big walk down the aisle; the florist wouldn’t call with some sort of last minute bouquet-related problem; that uncle you really didn’t want to invite but your mother made you invite anyway wouldn’t show up to the dinner with his 19-year-old date, ready to cause problems with his estranged wife who thought he wasn’t going to be there.
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But sadly, this isn’t a perfect world, and murphy’s law is kind of a b****.
All we can really do is hope for the best, and let the bartender know Uncle Rich has a strict two-drink cap.
Best case scenario? You end up with some sort of not-funny-in-the-moment-but-it’ll-probably-be-kind-of-funny-one-day story to talk about on your anniversary.
Worst case scenario? The whole day is an absolute disaster and you find yourself tearing through the gift table, praying that at least one guest had the decency to skip on the blender nonsense and give you a time machine.
For one bride, simply trying to find the humor in her ruined day just isn’t good enough.
In fact, she feels so dissatisfied with the way the whole event went down that she’s decided the only way to make herself feel better about it is to simply “redo” her wedding day altogether.
There’s just one problem: her husband thinks it’s a ridiculous idea and refuses to participate.
The woman shared her story to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole in the hopes of finding out whether she was wrong for bringing the idea up in the first place.
As she explained in her post , she and her husband tied the knot five years ago, but their wedding day was anything but a fairy tale. And with their fifth anniversary quickly approaching, she thought now would be an excellent time for them to “redo” what she says was an “awful” event.
Things first started going south before the day of the wedding when the woman’s sister-in-law began putting her two cents in on the planning.
Apparently she had something to say about every aspect of the big day: what dress the bride picked to wear, what the guests would eat at the reception… basically, she all but tried to plan the event herself .
Which, as any bride will tell you, is not what you want, especially from your soon-to-be SIL.
But unfortunately, that’s not even the worst of it.
The wedding was supposed to be alcohol-free, but some family members (who struggle with alcoholism), managed to sneak some booze into the reception.
Although she wasn’t pleased to see everyone drinking at what was supposed to be a dry event, the bride admitted she tolerated it “since it made [the guests] happy and have fun.”
Of course, that tolerance soon turned to regret when the guests continued to drink, even after they’d had more than enough.
While pictures were being taken, the bride’s uncle ending up vomiting all over the head table where she, her husband, and her future parents-in-law were supposed to sit during the reception. Staff had to clean up the mess and re-dress the table, which unfortunately cost the bride and groom extra.
Oh, and just to make matters even worse, some members of the groom’s family (who are Caucasian), started making unbelievably racist remarks towards the bride and her family (who are African American.)
Ultimately, the wedding was declared a disaster, and the “happy couple” were left feeling the effects of their ruined day long after it was over.
As the bride explained in her post ,
“Shortly after the wedding my husband and I took note of the ugliness that came out from our families and slowly cut them out of our lives and/or reduced contact. We moved in together shortly after away from both families and we’ve been happy ever since. We also both went into therapy since the wedding also brought out some of our negativity and unresolved mental health issues.”
There hasn’t been much mention of that day since then. That is, until the bride recently came up with the idea to redo the whole thing.
When she brought it up to her husband, his first question was, of course, “why?”, since no one really wants to relive such a traumatic experience twice in their lives. He even made sure to remind her of all the reasons why it had been such a train wreck five years ago, as if she may have somehow forgotten.
But his wife insisted that this time they would make sure things would be different.
For starters, the “redo” would be a small backyard ceremony with just a few friends and family.
After all, the world is still dealing with a global pandemic, so the guest list would have to be limited anyway. But there would be absolutely no problematic guests from the previous ceremony invited to their new one.
“I still fit into my wedding dress and though it’d be a nice way to relive our moment without so much toxicity from both sides,” the woman explained. “Also, my father is getting older and probably doesn’t have much time left on this planet. I want one of his final memories to be fun and beautiful without negativity.”
With all this laid out on the table, all that was left was for the groom-to-be (again) to agree to the wedding redo.
But as it turns out, that was the absolute last thing he felt like doing.
As the woman wrote, her husband “exploded” at her, demanding to know why she would “want to waste money” by throwing a second, unnecessary wedding.
She said he listed off reasons why they shouldn’t throw the wedding, all having to do with the cost, but she doesn’t think money is as big of an issue as he’s making it out to be.
“[His reasons] would have made sense if we were tight on money, but we aren’t,” the woman explained. “In fact, the pandemic has increased profits for my husband’s business and we are VERY fortunate, grateful, and blessed.”
While she was open to listen to his thoughts and even try to compromise, his wife was stunned when the argument turned personal.
As she wrote, he called her “stupid for ever thinking about wanting a redo of something that was ‘obviously going to be a disaster again’.”
With all this in mind, the woman just wants Reddit to tell her one thing: is she an asshole for even suggesting they try again?
The people of Reddit were quite clear in their verdict of NTA (not the asshole).
But, many people actually decided that the verdict should be more along the lines of NAH (no asshole here), meaning that neither the woman nor her husband are in the wrong.
While everyone agreed he shouldn’t have spoken to her the way that he did, they also suggested that perhaps there’s more going on here that the woman should consider before trying to pressure him into a second wedding again.
Some people thought that perhaps he’s dealing with some strong feelings about their first ceremony that bubbled up at talks of trying to do it all over.
“Try to have a talk with him when he’s calmer, but not to push for another wedding but to see what was behind his blow up,” this user suggested. “For some people, weddings aren’t things they want to redo. Bad or good, that’s when you were actually married.”
The woman actually responded to this particular comment, writing, “You’re right. Stress for the both of us has been really high lately, and I guess bringing up wedding 2.0 triggered some more stressful memories. We will talk sometime later. Thank you!”
What do you think about this suggestion? Is the woman justified in wanting a redo or should she just move on and never look back? Let us know in the comments!
h/t: Reddit
