Person Asks If They're The Asshole For Canceling Plans On Chronically Late Friend

I do not understand people who are chronically late.

Occasional, unforeseen delays? Sure. Sometimes there's a longer line than normal for coffee on the way to a meeting or an accident slowing down traffic. If you're going to be more than five-ten minutes behind, send a quick text and be sure to apologize when you arrive.

But the people who are *always* late? They irk me.

There is a point where it shifts from being a bad habit into being a bad character trait, and personally, I think it happens around the time the "I'm sorrys" turn into humorous "Oh, you know how I ams."

I'm just letting you know this about me, because I definitely went into this post from r/AmItheAsshole with a biased view.

The query was posted by Redditor Olive_br4nch, and they wanted a verdict from the crowd on who was in the wrong after a situation with a friend.

Their post began with, "IMO always being late is not a character trait. Being inconsiderate is."

So I knew they were a person after my own heart.

Olive_br4nch explains that lateness is a pet peeve of theirs and everyone knows it. Not occasional tardiness with concrete reasons, but the kind where a person is always late without any real excuse for it.

"If you’re always running behind with no real reason, it’s because you are negligent to the fact that you’re wasting someone’s time," they say.

Still, Olive_br4nch chooses to put important friendships before pet peeves and tries not to call their friends out on their tardiness constantly.

Until the dam finally burst.

They explain that they have a friend whom they love, but is chronically late.

Usually they let it slide, but after a perfect storm of mood, hunger, and an extended wait, they finally cracked.

It started with plans to have dinner together and the friend offered to pick Olive_br4nch up.

When Olive_br4nch suggested a 6:45 pick-up, the friend wanted to go earlier, so they both agreed on six o'clock.

So Olive_br4nch got ready for six, and then waited.

And waited.

At 6:30, Olive_br4nch called and the friend said she was leaving "now."

At 6:45, it was the original time Olive_br4nch suggested and the friend was still at her home.

Fed up with waiting after getting ready so early, Olive_br4nch texted the friend and canceled the dinner entirely.

"She called me back seemingly upset with me, and she said she didn’t have the time to let me know she was running behind."

Olive_br4nch doesn't believe that's a valid excuse.

"It’s take 10 seconds to send a text message, and it’s the polite thing to do," they say.

And I say that she had a whole 30 minutes to send that 10-second text message before Olive_br4nch even called the first time to check in.

So Olive_br4nch wondered if they were the asshole in this for canceling entirely.

They add, "If I had a better day I probably would’ve let it slide but I don’t think that justifies her repeated lack of consideration for my time."

The verdict? Not The Asshole (NTA).

ResIpsa79 probably said it best: "NTA. Such chronic unpunctual people are rude and take your time for granted. They need to face the consequence of their actions, otherwise there's no way they'll change their behavior."

What a lot of chronically late people don't realize is how taxing *waiting for them* is.

Olive_br4nch was dressed and ready to go, and maybe even already in their coat and shoes for the original pick-up time.

You can't just take all that off when the person doesn't arrive, because without any communication, they could pull up at any moment. So you end up in this limbo where you're stuck between the discomfort of waiting by the door and the chance that as soon as you take your shoes off and sit on the couch, the car will pull up out front.

And in this case, Olive_br4nch was already stuck waiting for 45 minutes.

They could have watched a whole episode of television in that time, and that's only how long they waited before they canceled. There's no telling how much longer it would have been if they'd decided to wait it out.

Redditor LimitlessMegan chimed in with the important perspective of someone with ADHD that affects their ability to be punctual.

She says, "I can’t help being late, I literally can’t tell the passage of time accurately, but I can be polite, considerate of others and understanding of the impact this has on others. It doesn’t make me later to take 10 secs and let you know when I’m leaving."

Some people recommended the trick of giving the person an earlier time than anyone else, but that can backfire.

The one time they show up when they're told to can just cause a big upset.

Changing their clocks ahead doesn't work either. Years of my chronically late mother saying "oh that clock's fast" when I point out we're running late for real has proven that fact.

Olive_br4nch is probably never going to "cure" their friend of her tardiness, but a frank discussion about why this particular instance escalated would do wonders.

Which Olive_br4nch knows and plans for a chat once tempers have cooled.

"It wasn’t the best time today as we were both annoyed when we spoke. We’re good at communicating through any tiffs which is why I value her & her friendship so much." know, send that text message when you're running late, okay?

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