If you’re anything like me, you’ve pretty much had your dream wedding dress picked out in your mind for years .
Even when I had zero marriage prospects in my life, I still walked around with a little dream board pinned up inside my head, already knowing exactly what the veil, the flowers, and of course, the dress itself would look like when I finally walk down that aisle.
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It didn’t even matter if the person at the end of that aisle was still just a blank face on the board — I knew exactly what they were going to see me wearing that day.
And yes, my dream dress has always been white.
To be fair, as I’ve gotten older that “white” has become more of an ivory, or possibly even champagne (white with subtle gold undertones) but I still don’t see myself walking down the aisle in a different color.
That’s not to say I think those people who go totally non-traditional with their dresses are wrong. You want to rock a blue dress on your big day? You go for it, sis . It’s your body, your dress, and your wedding. Wear whatever you want.
The idea that a white wedding gown symbolizes a bride’s *purity* is outrageous, not to mention so far removed from its actual origins.
Queen Victoria is credited as starting the white dress trend in western countries after she donned a white satin gown for her 1840 wedding to Prince Albert.
At that time, the color was chosen by the queen to highlight her enormous wealth, as white silk was extremely rare and expensive. Although brides would usually wear brightly-colored gowns, wearing white quickly became the trend as it was seen as a symbol of prosperity.
Now, as for how white dresses went from being a symbol of affluence to purity is a bit more complicated.
There’s no clearly defined moment in time where the switch was made, but it can be presumed that eventually Queen Victoria’s original trend got tangled up with the religious symbolism of white, and then the latter influence was forgotten.
In the Catholic church, white has long been a symbol of innocence, purity, and virginity, which can be seen not only in white wedding dresses but also white communion dresses and those worn for christenings.
So yeah, at some point white went from meaning “I have money!” to “I am as pure as fallen snow”, at least to certain people.
People like your older, more religious and, let’s be honest, worst relatives, who would probably have a field day if they saw a pregnant bride walking down the aisle in a white dress, or knew she had been living in sin with her groom before the big day.
But it’s 2020, the world has changed, and brides should be allowed to wear whatever the heck they want to their wedding without fear of gossip or icy stares from their guests.
However, one bride recently found herself the subject of some pretty intense scrutiny courtesy of her future in-laws after it was revealed she was planning on wearing a white dress to her own wedding, despite not being pure .
The worst part? She doesn’t even have her groom’s support on the matter.
The man in question shared his side of the story on Reddit in the hopes of finding out whether he was in the wrong or not.
In a post submitted to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole, he revealed that he’s cracked under the intense influence and pressure from his traditional family, and has actually asked his bride-to-be to opt out of wearing a white dress on their big day.
You can only imagine how well that’s gone over with the poor girl.
As the groom explained, he (32) and his fiancée (23) are preparing to tie the knot in just a few months.
It’s unclear how long exactly they’ve been engaged, or how long they’ve been planning this wedding. But recently the man has begun feeling bothered about one detail of the big day in particular: the wedding dress.
Specifically, the white wedding dress.
Apparently he comes from a “very religious household” with strong Christian beliefs.
One of those strict beliefs this specific family practices happens to be that a woman should only wear white on her wedding day if she’s a virgin.
And thanks to this incredibly honest groom, his entire family already knows that his fiancée isn’t one.
Yes, this man actually told his family that, and it was a conversation that happened rather early in the relationship.
Like, super early…as in, right when he met her.
“My mom asked me when I started dating her if she was pure,” the man explained in his post , “and I was honest and told her she had boyfriends before me.”
With his family well aware that his blushing bride is not “pure”, the groom has been feeling rather pressured to stop her from wearing white on the big day.
Recently he decided it was about time he spoke up about this issue, and he asked his wife if she would wear a colored dress on their wedding day instead of a white one.
He admitted she was “really upset” as his request, but eventually relented and has been looking into buying a “glittery blue” dress instead.
While it initially seemed like that problem had been solved, the groom was surprised when his bride recently began objecting to his request.
In fact, she’s made it perfectly clear that she intends on wearing white to her wedding, otherwise there won’t be a wedding at all.
“She’s saying she won’t marry me because she’s too humiliated by the whole situation, but I really don’t see how it’s a big deal,” the groom explained.
With his wedding now on the line, the oblivious man has just one question for Reddit: is he the asshole here?
It should come as no surprise to hear that Reddit confirmed yes, he is indeed the asshole, and a big one at that.
Many users pointed out how unbelievably unfair it was for the groom to tell his bride what she should and should not wear on their wedding day.
“This is the kind of guy who gets upset at his girlfriend for wearing yoga pants/leggings in public and blames her if a guy looks at her with interest,” one user pointed out.
Others couldn’t believe that he would share something as personal and private as his wife’s “purity”, or lack thereof, to his mother.
“Why the f*** would a grown man want to signal to his entire family that the woman he is marrying is or isn’t a virgin,” this person implored. “Why does the state of her virginity matter to anyone who’s not having sex with her?”
Another added, “I just can’t get over the grossness factor of how the mother of a 30+ year old divorced man is concerned about the sexual experience of his new girlfriend who is a decade his junior.”
Then there were those who wondered what the groom will be wearing on the big day, if he’s so concerned about his bride’s attire.
“Are you a virgin?” this user asked. “If not, what will you be wearing on your wedding day to signify how you’ve been tainted?”
“Nowadays white denotes ‘wedding’ or ‘first marriage’,” someone else pointed out. “If you want to herald your fiancée’s sexual history, should we assume you’re wearing a white tuxedo to prove your own ‘purity?'”
Ultimately, the people had just one message for the bride-to-be: *run*.
If not for the fact that he’s trying to tell her what to wear on their wedding day (signaling what will likely be an incredibly controlling marriage), or for attempting to humiliate her on said day, then at least for the invasion of privacy that was him telling his mother she’s not a virgin.
While this bride felt humiliated by her in-laws’ wedding traditions, one groom was left feeling unbelievably *uncomfortable* by his.
In a separate AITA story, the man revealed he’s marrying into a family that expects the groom to spend the night before his wedding in a hotel with the mother of the bride .
No, seriously.
Apparently it’s tradition, and the bride-to-be sees absolutely nothing wrong with this.
Admittedly, there isn’t any sort of sexual expectation placed on the evening. In fact, it’s apparently supposed to be more of a night of pampering than anything else.
As his fiancée explained to him, “the boy must take the mother of the bride out on a date night, buy her a dress and something to sleep in, pay for everything and buy them a hotel to stay in.”
When he first learned of this “tradition,” the pair were just dating, and he figured his girlfriend was simply making an uncomfortable joke.
However, after they got engaged she brought it up again, and this time revealed that no, it’s not a joke and in fact she 100% expected him to participate no matter what his feelings are.
When he asked if he could just take her mother out for dinner instead, his bride insisted that no, he had to spend the *whole* evening with her.
So ultimately he had to tell her that no, he definitely would not be taking part, resulting in quite the fight.
His fiancée ended up telling her whole family that he was refusing to participate, and while this caused some serious backlash from most members, it was actually her own mother who called him to tell him she respected his decision. She even said he has every right to refuse.
But despite having the actual mother of the bride’s blessing not to take part, the man still has to deal with outrage from his bride and the rest of his future in-laws.
So he asked Reddit to decide once and for all if he was being an asshole for not wanting to take part in his wife’s bizarre family tradition.
And Reddit determined that no, he most certainly was not.
While many expressed disbelief at his bride even wanting to go through with such a tradition, most were quite firm when they told him it’s his right to refuse.
“That sounds incredibly uncomfortable, and I would definitely be upset if my partner’s family expected me to do that,” this person wrote, while another added, “If you’re not comfortable doing something, it ends there. Getting married is a two way street and it’s really rough that your fiancée isn’t willing to acknowledge that you’re uncomfortable.”
Family traditions can be enough to cause problems in any relationship, whether they’re meant for weddings…or even for the death of a relative.
In this AITA story , a woman admits she was recently very reluctant to take part in her in-laws’ macabre death ritual which involves everyone being given a pouch of the deceased relative’s teeth .
Each member of the family has their own pouch of teeth, and when they pass those teeth are added to a family collection while their own molars are removed and distributed among the living relatives.
Understandably, the woman refused to follow this tradition, either carrying someone else’s teeth or having her own eventually knocked out, but she’s been feeling like perhaps she’s an asshole for this.
Especially since her refusal to take part has really upset her husband. However, Reddit was very quick to determine that she is in no way the asshole here.
“I’m horrified after reading that,” one user wrote. “They’re your teeth…. If you don’t want them knocked out and distributed i think that’s fair! …. A chest full of teeth. That’s not leaving my mind for awhile.”
Others clarified that while the woman isn’t the asshole here, neither are her in-laws for following such a tradition.
This user said it best when they wrote, “As creepy as this is, they’re not AHs for having traditions that do no harm and you’re not TA for being creeped out and not wanting to take part.”
What do you think of these stories? Make sure to let us know your opinions (and your “asshole” verdicts) in the comments!
