Look, you can shame us all you want but just wait until you make the mistake of starting a game of Monopoly right before bedtime and your children refuse to quit until they've conquered the board.

Well not tonight, junior, not when mamma's the banker.

As sad as it is to admit, what usually gets me out of the bed in the morning is the sweet comfort of knowing in about 14 hours or so, I'll be getting right back in there.

I'm not sure children don't hear us or if they simply don't understand how time works but for some reason snacks need to be presented to them immediately or all hell breaks loose.

Look, I'm not saying I've reached this point in my life yet.

But I will say that when my favorite retailer stopped selling guacamole chips, I may have had a meltdown.

I also think I should be allowed to scream whenever something doesn't go my way because we're all pretty quick to forgive babies for doing that.

I'll like any post you share about your incoming offspring but please do not try to get me to follow some side account you've made pretending to be the baby inside your belly.

This is why people unfollow you, Cheryl.

I also wouldn't hate to go back to a time where I also didn't have a husband.

Not forever! But, you know, for a little while. Relive the good days, etc.

I would love to spend all day in the kitchen, to be perfectly honest. I would just sit in front of the fridge and eat cheese strings while scrolling through Instagram.

I still don't see the insult.

You won't believe how much better you'll feel once you ditch that baggage. It's like the ultimate weight loss hack.

I'm not saying you should regret getting married or anything. But let's not get carried away with the "best day of our lives" nonsense.

In the words of Ivana Trump, "Don't get mad, get everything."

Listen to her. She's been through a lot.

We've held off for long enough. We have the supplies, we know the plan. We've prepared for this.

Let's roll, ladies.

I would love to be a step mom. You know who your dad's going to listen to and side with and probably give all his money to? I'll give you a hint: it's not you.

Let's just all collectively agree not to praise adult men for doing the bear minimum and for showing that he is capable of doing something that most people have been doing since they had braces.

I tried it once and the guy literally walked right into me because he'd never experienced a game of street chicken where the woman didn't immediately get out of his path.

I'm happy I could be his first.

More men should offer up their financial services this way. It's much nicer than what they're usually yelling on the streets.

A man replied to this tweet and wrote, "But I pretend to be supportive so I can touch your boobs" so if you have any questions about the male species, there's your answer.

You also have to buy thirty different women's products just to do what one bottle of men's will do.

And that's why I have so many bottles in our shower while my boyfriend has one, but secretly uses mine.

I like when a song I used to sing in high school comes on the radio and the host says it's part of their "retro" playlist.

Now they just refuse to eat whatever you make for them right to your face.