13+ Tweets That Describe My Life Perfectly

Yep, please excuse me as I will not be changing my name across all social media channels to "Permanently Exhausted Pigeon."

Ah, the age-old struggle of sharing bed sheets. No matter how long you're with someone for, this problem never goes away.

If anything, it only gets worse.

I have a similar feeling whenever I leave the house in the morning and I realize that the coffee I made is still at home, getting cold on the kitchen counter. I don't know how I ever got through the day without coffee as a kid.

This way, you can both stare at your phones independent of one another without distracting each other as well.

What? You actually want us to like, talk to each other and think about our lives? If that was the case, God wouldn't have given us the internet!

If you don't have friends who will go with you to a divorce party, then you need new friends! I mean, it's an excuse for a party if nothing else!

I wish I still had the time to be completely up to date on pop culture, but frankly things like how much I'm meant to be paying for rent and trying to feed myself enough so I don't starve take up too much time.

This was definitely the case for me when I was a kid. However, as a totally emotionally empty 25 year old, I now look for arguments anywhere and everywhere I can.

Now, this is living the dream. Who would have thought that the greatest life coach on Earth would be a small, hopping insect?

That's why I always cook with a kitchen towel over my shoulder. Not because it looks professional, but because I will undoubtedly have to be furiously wafting smoke away from the smoke alarm at some point.

I don't understand why there's even a voicemail feature anymore. It should just be someone sardonically saying, "You're really leaving a voicemail?", then howling with laughter until the line goes dead.

It is not only tomorrow that never comes. The very idea of a good night's sleep also never comes!

There's so much that I just *know, and I don't know how my parents knew to teach me it.

I mean, if I had a kid right now, that kid would end up learning the most useless crap, like how to kick ass on Mario Kart, and that's about it.

It was always such a risk heading downstairs to get a snack as a kid when your parents had friends over. It was never really worth the myriad of asinine questions, was it?

Oh how quickly we forget that the wet world is the friend we all need at times of crisis — standing there, letting the water run off your head, waiting for the dry world to reclaim you once more.

Ahh.

Me: "Onnneeee... Twwooo... AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!"

Trainer: "...You done?"

I based so much of the person that I am today off SpongeBob SquarePants. I mean, I'm definitely Squidward-like, but it still counts.

I try to convince myself that this only happens because I have expensive tastes, but the reality is I just buy far too much stuff in general which all adds up.

I refuse to believe that these parents weren't simply using this as an excuse to leave.

But I still strongly relate to the idea of using any excuse possible to leave social engagements.

The worst part of public is definitely the general public, there's no doubt about that!

Which one of these tweets hit closest to home for you? Let us know in the comments below!