Being optimistic is great… No, I can’t even pretend. Look, being optimistic sucks — you just get your hopes up for stuff only to be inevitably let down! Also, pessimism can also lead to some amazingly comedic moments!
So, strap on your anti–rose-colored glasses, and get ready for these 12+ people who aren’t the optimistic type!
“Found this sign in Iowa. Even the deer hate living here.”
The way that the sign below says “come join us,” kind of makes it sound like the suicidal deer are part of a cult!
“This chair looks pretty depressed.”
“Come on, Mr. Chair, at least get up… Let’s go for a walk. Maybe that’d cheer you up?”
“No, just leave me here to die.”
“I’d hate to see the look on the face of the bad news angel.”
“I bring good news!”
“Then why do you look like that?”
“I stubbed my toe on the way in through the door.”
“The printer at work is being over dramatic.”
This sounds like the start of a My Chemical Romance song. Someone get this printer some torn jeans and a wallet with a chain on it.
“My fortune cookie’s trying to start some drama with my wife and I.”
Even though she is wildly out of focus, you can make out her expression perfectly from this picture, and it is not a positive one.
“Sounds like an invite to your own murder.”
In some cases, going to church is murder. Well, it is for the many people who die in church every week from boredom.
“The hate is real.”
I love that they’re trying so hard to turn this negative into a positive and yet, there’s still such an undercurrent of misery to this.
I Think We Have A Problem
I mean, this is the sort of thing that you only put on your car if you’re planning on being upside down at some point, isn’t it?
“My friends’ dogs….Walter hates Max.”
“They said that the idea of having another dog around the house would grow on me. It hasn’t.”
“Still snowing from yesterday’s blizzard. Hope Mother Nature gets the message.”
“Please, stop.”
“What’s that signpost? You want more snow? Okay!”
“Christ, you’re such a dick, Mother Nature.”
“My girlfriend is going to be gone for a week. She either has no faith in me or is setting me up for failure.”
Thank God for takeout in such instances. I’d be heading to a different takeout every single night.
“My friend posted the most hilariously depressing birthday picture ever on fb.”
Yes, that is hilarious. However, maybe you should go and see your friend instead of posting this on their birthday!
“Optimistic attitude at work.”
Wow, look at the bleakness of that wall. You know when you can feel the atmosphere somewhere just by looking at a picture? Well, that office looks grim as hell.
“Everyone should follow this hiking tip. Especially Steve (I hate Steve).”
I know that they say “just kidding,” but I don’t feel like they are kidding. I feel like they really just want to discourage me from going hiking!
“My GF hinted she wants a teddy bear for Valentine’s day. I hope she likes it.”
The person here who isn’t very optimistic is me. I am not in any way optimistic that this is going to go down well.
This Pessimistic Goose
“Fly off around the world, they say… Go to bigger ponds, they say! Well, I’ll stick with this little puddle, thank you very much. Nothing bad happens here.”
“Hate my job.”
Now that is pessimistic ingenuity! Way to be the most existential truck driver on the road, guy. You rule!
“Even my dishwasher is putting me down today.”
This word actually means “Stop,” and if anyone can tell me what language this is in, then you win a point! (Points are meaningless here, but there you go!)
“Laffy Taffy jokes are getting kinda depressing.”
It’s great when jokes are also factually accurate, isn’t it? I mean, it’s not, but whatever, I guess. Christ, these pessimistic people are sucking my will to live in the best way possible!
“Depression affects 1 in 6 vending machines worldwide…”
Yep, I feel you, vending machine. I might actually get this tattooed down my arm, maybe in French so it’s aesthetically pleasing.
“Alabama Hockey making a run for the most depressed mascots in the history of mascots.”
You can just see it standing at the side sighing and going, “Go team… I guess.”
“Life’s warning label.”
Yep, sounds about right. I think that I might adopt this as my general life’s mantra. I’m a very positive soul.
“The delivery note got put inside the card instead of a birthday message.”
I imagine the phone call that this person got from their mother was far less pleasant than they thought it was going to be!
“I don’t think this really sends the right message…”
Yeah, that is definintely not the right message! However, it is how everyone feels when they listen to Nickleback.
“A pointed warning…”
This person has either had a lot of kids bleed on their arrows, or they just have absolutely no faith in children in general!
“Well that’s depressing.”
“Should we get some inspirational books in?”
“What’s the point?”
“That. That is the point right there.”
“Don’t get your hopes up.”
You’ll be waiting a long time for the seven IT technicians to come along and give you a hand as well.
“Sad day in my hometown.”
Without Krispy Kreme, how is any working officer supposed to get their daily nutrients? We’ll see crime throughout the city with no one around to stop it!
“My daughter started making her little brother a coffin.”
A strange budding career choice to see so early, but maybe she’ll grow up to be a successful mortician, funeral director, or plague doctor!
“Rather unusual movie title.”
I heard it was kind of a flop, too, but they’re making a sequel? Maybe it’ll become a cult classic or something.
“Here’s hoping I have my ticket.”
Well actually it’s asking for your TIC▮ I’m a big advocate for going out and doing things by yourself shamelessly. Take yourself on a date, treat yourself! Maybe do what she did and bring a floating pair of sunglasses, too. My guess can be seen as a horror or a miracle, depending on your worldview, but here it is: ahem. Aliens. Man, Xbox sure has created a lot of weird attachments since I got mine. I know, I know it hurts but…puns won’t bring them back. They’re gone, user skojoe. Your lettuce is gone. No, see, this isn’t a solo table. This is the punishment corner. When your one friend gets a little too rowdy you send them to the punishment corner to drink water and reflect on what they did. The fact that you’ve kayaked in your own house would kill it in a game of two truths and a lie. Maybe that’s why she looks so pleased about the situation. “Come oooon, just one more pet, pleaaase? Come ooooooon, you know you wanna! Just come ooon.” As much as you wanted to talk about it, I bet he didn’t. He’s too busy regretting ever getting into teaching. Less “stockings hung by the chimney with care” and more “this one stocking hung by the chimney with disregard.” What he saved in delivery charges, I’m sure he paid for with the 20 cars he swept up with this stunt. You know that things are going wrong when you’re eating a McDonald’s breakfast and holding hands with your own feet. And there is a sentence I never thought I’d say. I’m too distracted to make a joke by how genius the sign is. I need one immediately. He spent years getting that tree just the way he liked it. He had the kitchen sorted and the patio in order, and then one man with a trimmer came along and ruined the whole thing. Which pessimist on this list was your favorite? Let me know in the comments below! I think mine has to be the girlfriend who had no faith in their partner not starving.“It’s always sad when you see someone eating alone.”
“Not sure what happened here, but I hope it was a miracle.”
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“I think it might be an Xbox.”
“My dogs got in to my garden box and ate my lettuce, this is all that romaines.”
“This solo table at the pub that lets you watch yourself get drunk.”
“When your house flooded but you don’t wanna get electrocuted.”
“She was so sad I was leaving.”
“Our midterm class average was 22% and we were hoping to speak to the prof about it.”
“I’m not sure my in laws like me. My stocking is not only separate from theirs, it is on the other side of the furniture.”
Try As He Might.
“When you’re low-key lonely.”
“Hopefully my girlfriend will notice.”
“They started trimming most of the trees on campus and it looks like this little guy lost his home and all hope.”
“Dedicating a book…”
