Even through the sleepless nights and constant go-go-go, becoming a parent will always be the most incredible thing I’ve done.
BUT…and there’s a “but” here…
It’s tough.
For example, I have a teething 15-month-old boy and a sassy 3-year-old girl who are dead set on making my day as difficult as possible.
The other day, I attempted to carry out the simple task of getting my son a dose of Baby Advil, but in the 10 seconds it would have taken to accomplish this goal, I had to deal with an eye injury because my daughter stabbed herself with the corner of a Valentine’s Day card.
When I asked if I could look at it, she screamed, “Go away!”
And that’s just a 30-second snippet of my everyday life.
But as I always say, you just gotta laugh or you’ll weep endlessly.
1. He’s not wrong.
Sometimes you just have to let your kids “win.” Deep-down, you’ll harbor this truth until they are old enough to accept who really won that day: this clever dad.
2. It’s like the movie “Groundhog Day”.
If you think this is an exaggeration, I’m sad to report that it is very, very accurate. Although, he forgot to mention the part about your toddler wanting to get dressed without help, adding 20 painful minutes to the whole routine.
3. Exactly what you want your kids to see when they look at their mother.
Does this kid have a future as a brutally honest casting director? Maybe. Just maybe.
4. They call him Poo Hand Luke.
Parents, you will wonder how you went your whole life without being exposed to as many germs as you are in your first year of parenting. At least it builds the immune system?
5. Life is struggle.
Okay, after three stories, two washroom breaks, a snack, a drink, another story, and one last potty break, you’ll be hanging on by a thread but your kids will finally be ready for bed.
6. Hey, girl, it could happen to any of us.
Okay, but wouldn’t it be amazing if schools offered free lattes in the drop-off lane? The caffeine is kind of essential for kids’ safety (and parents’ sanity).
7. And for us, add a 25-minute “hair rub” to the list.
If you ever needed to stall for time, just take a few tips from your four-year-old. I don’t know where they learn it, but they are masters.
8. She “Home Alone-d” herself. Classic parent.
I think more parents injure themselves by stepping on their kids’ toys than by doing any form of physical exertion. That’s a fact.
9. It’s like lying on your resumé…
What are some creative ways to describe your stubborn, energetic, and defiant child? How about “opinionated”, “enthusiastic”, and “confident”? No one has to know the truth, right?
10. You have to stay determined.
Just change your hopes and dreams to something a little simpler, so when you don’t reach your goals, it’s no biggie.
11. “The Evolution of Mom.”
At this point, you may as well just hook up an IV and keep the caffeine coming.
12. Always a silver lining…
Before you go comparing your kid’s milestone to others, just take comfort in knowing that they are using their “creative and open play” skills.
13. Who doesn’t love visitors in the bathroom?
It doesn’t matter how much you try to distract your kids with TV and snacks. If you need to pee, they will find you, even if you’re only gone for two minutes.
14. Counting down until bedtime
I swear, it’s like the hours between 6:30-8 are like some sort of witching hour. Why do kids seem to get more hyper as they get more tired? Can someone explain this?
15. Coming at you with the tough questions
No one prepares you for the random questions your kids will throw at you. You better start coming up with some creative answers fast.
16. The lie every parent tells themselves
The opportunity to sit down for longer than 10 minutes often outweighs having to watch Paw Patrol for the 10,000th time. Parents, you know what I’m talking about.
17. Kids have absolutely no filter
If you’re looking for a confidence boost, don’t expect it from your kid. They will straight-up tell you if you look terrible and worst of all, they mean it.
18. When you don’t want to share
Kids hate everything you put on their plate until you start eating it. I don’t know why this is the case, but sometimes you have to defend your dessert.
19. Never say never
Remember when you first got married? How you dreamed of a big family with lots of kids? That dream dies pretty quickly after months of sleepless nights and tantrums.
20. She was lucky to just find a potato
Kids and raccoons have a lot in common. They are both mischevious and they like to hide garbage in unsuspecting places. Go figure.
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21. Kids sometimes have trouble growing up
It’s best to get rid of any old toys or clothes when they aren’t home. Even if they haven’t played with those things in months, they’ll claim that they still do. Suuuuuure, guys.
22. They say parenting changes you
Parents can still have interests and hobbies outside of their kids. It just looks … different now. Like that wardrobe of designer clothes you used to have? How about a wardrobe of designer pajamas instead?
What did you think?!
Did these hit home for you the way they did for me?
