Let me just say super quick that I really don’t like Valentine’s Day.
Even though I’m no longer a single pringle (sorry fellas), I still find the whole idea pretty pointless and I honestly kind of resent the pressure such an arbitrary day puts on couples to suddenly be romantic .
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But if Valentine’s Day sucks for people in relationships, it really sucks for single folks who are made to feel unloved, unappreciated, and somehow unfulfilled just because they don’t have someone to buy them drugstore candy.
So here’s to all you people out there who are your own valentine this year. We see you, we love you, and we have some hilarious tweets just for you.
This is why I hate Valentine’s Day cards.
Odds are your S.O. spent all of two minutes standing in the greeting card aisle, looking for one with a message inside long enough that they wouldn’t have to write their own little love note, but short enough that they’re not scaring you away with a paragraph about how much they “adore” you.
We need more turkey days in the year.
Or, alternatively, could it become socially acceptable for your valentine to gift you with a heart-shaped container full of mashed potatoes and gravy?
Either works for me, honestly.
Where is the lie?
I mean, when you put it that way, it isn’t really all that different from every other day of the year.
My kind of vacation.
I think we forget how much of a damn treat and a privilege it is to have an entire bed to yourself.
As per usual.
When I was younger, I spent many Valentine’s Days hidden in my bedroom in the dark, eating whatever heart-shaped chocolate my sympathetic mom bought me, and wishing I had a boyfriend.
Someone, please invent time travel so I can go shake that girl and tell her to treat her fine self to some pizza, for goodness sake.
Speaking of pizza.
This is the most beautiful way to spend Valentine’s Day that I can possibly imagine.
The only valentine I’m interested in.
I can also confirm your dog will not disappoint you on Valentine’s Day. Or any day, for that matter. That’s just not in their nature.
Friendly reminder.
As funny as this is, it also serves as an excellent reminder that February 14 is just another day, and you shouldn’t feel any worse about being single than you do any other day.
And, by the way, you shouldn’t feel bad at all. Need I remind you of that whole bed-to-yourself thing?
The big day!
Friendly reminder that all unsold Valentine’s Day chocolate goes on sale on February 15 and you are totally allowed to buy as much as you want .
PSA.
Also, you can get a lot of food off the McDonald’s value menu for that kind of cash.
Just putting that out there.
Treat Yo Self.
If you really want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, why not show yourself some love? That’s one person who definitely deserves your time, attention, and affection. I say you pamper them like the stunning king or queen they are.
Yes, definitely.
By the way, that also means you’re allowed to have two appetizers and two desserts. Fair is fair, after all.
