In life, many individuals reach a point where they decide whether or not they want to have children .
Having kids with your life partner is a big responsibility and decision. Some individuals live their whole lives waiting to become parents, while others know they do not want to have children at all . Whether or not you decide to, the decision is very personal and subjective to each individual .
When people decide not to have kids, society often looks down on them.
While not having kids is a decision that is all well and good, society often feels as though it is “abnormal” to not want to have children and a family with kids.
Anything that is “different” is often viewed as “weird” to some.
Not having kids can be seen as different than the norm, so for this reason, society thinks that those who do not have kids are “weird” or strange—as though they are missing out.
One 85-year-old widow decided to make her stance known by sharing an open letter to those couples who choose not to have children.
The widow took to the popular Reddit forum “child-free” and decided to post an open letter to its users who often write there. The widow decided to share her own child-free experience and some “humble” opinions with others on the forum.
The widow shared she was married for over 50 years and they decided not to have kids.
“In those days we said ‘we are trying’ for a few years and then ‘we cannot have kids’ case closed. It was our personal secret. It was nobody’s business. If we were honest and said ‘we cannot have kids, because we just don’t want them’ the fallout with family and friends would have been tough for us,” she wrote .
She said that their life together was “perfect.”
She said that they lived a wonderful life in which they could dedicate themselves to their hobbies, interests, and each other. They shared time with friends, and family, and had their child-filled live with nieces and nephews. And, if she could turn back time, she wouldn’t have changed her decision.
She shared that in her life, she has known four groups of people.
“GROUP A: They have kids, have a great life and all is perfect. I know many, so it can and does happen.
GROUP B: They have kids, it is a hard life and they have problems. Many wish they could have a child-free do-over.
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GROUP C: They have kids, all is good. But then the empty nest and dwindling contact breaks their hearts.
GROUP D: The child-free group. I only knew a few,” she wrote .
Overall, she shared Group D tends to be the happiest.
While there are many who are happy with children, she shares that childfree individuals tend to be happiest. Even after her own husband died, she was able to live a full life after him. Her life was not defined by children.
It has been different for her friends who lost a partner and had children.
“Their common problems is their kids don’t give them enough time. It upsets and hurts them. They are too reliant on them. They expect ‘payback’ for all the time and money they spend on them. Their interest and hobbies are sometimes nonexistent, because everything is/was about their kids (and grandkids),” she wrote .
Her childbearing friends have said it is worse than losing a loved one.
“One friend said this, which I never forgot ‘the empty nest thing is real, it is like being dumped by the love of your life after two or three decades, but staying friends. It is never the same,'” she said.
Many online shared that this can be true.
“The empty nest thing is real. I have had many older individuals or mothers come to our crisis team upset because their family won’t speak to them or their children can’t make it home for the holiday. It is very painful to see and difficult to address in a way that won’t cause them to become defensive,” one Reddit user commented.
And, many thanked the widow for her wise words.
“You are so cool and you gave me a lot of hope for the future. I’m just about to hit 30 and was prepared to live the rest of my life alone. Thank you for your wisdom and 50 years + of childfree experience,” shared another.