Everyone knows that kids are surprising, inventive little monsters . And yes, kids do indeed say the darndest things . They’ll push boundaries — sometimes in an infuriating way, but other times, in a downright hilarious way.
Being hilarious isn’t necessarily going to get a kid out of grounded. But it will have proud parents sharing the stories on Reddit . Here are some of the best.
An analog kid in a digital world.
“I got an Xbox One on the weekend and after finally setting it up I sat down to play and my 1 year old toddled over and stood up and promptly switched it off and then came over and held up a book. Ok, ok, message recieved, we’ll read a book.”
Malicious non-compliance.
“I was once play wrestling with my nephew and once the 3 year old had me ‘pinned’ it turned to name calling such as ‘stupid face’ and ‘dumb head’ then my sister chimes in and says ‘don’t call names!’ Then this boy looks at me and says ‘names.’ Literally, he just called me names. The punk.”
– u/Hamaal
It’s a kind of salute.
“I went to Walmart with my boys the and some guy nearly backed over us in the parking lot. It was bad. Stepson was looking elsewhere and my hands were full with the baby, so I basically smashed him in the chest with the diaper bag to stop his forward movement.
As he’s recovering his balance and realizing what happened, the guy is just staring at us like we materialized out of nowhere… And stepson plants his feet and flips him the double bird. Completely calm, confident, full eye contact, and he held it up there for a good three seconds. The kiddo is normally kind of shy with adults. It was like seeing a glimpse of the man he is going to become.”
Quite the racket.
“Not me but something my brother did in sixth grade.
My parents found out that he was selling nicotine-free vape pens to people at his school (basically just flavored ones). In order to do this, he would use his money to buy prepaid credit cards from a local Walmart, buy them online under a fake name, and then have it shipped to our house where he would pick it up before anyone saw it.
I think he made like $200 off of it. My parents were a mix of angry and impressed.”
Stand by your family.
“There was a guy staying with my MIL around the time my little one was 3-4. This guy was completely taking advantage of MIL, psychologically abusing her, terrorizing her, etc. One day my tiny child said to him out of the blue, ‘I don’t like you. You are not my friend. I hate you. I hate you!'”
Well, the floor was clean.
“Normal morning rushing around trying to get ready to go out for the day, I notice my daughter playing in her room and generally delaying getting ready for our days adventures. I shout through to her, ” You’d better not be making a mess, I want everything off the floor please” i wasn’t even mad when I saw her results…”
She’s not wrong.
“I was sending my daughter to bed and she was being difficult as four year olds do so I was using an angry but not quite yelling tone. She proceeded to inform me that she found my tone unacceptable and she would rather I not speak to her that way.
I had to explain to her that she is four and if she feels I am hurting her feelings she should tell me but in a respectful way, but really I was kind of being an ass cause I just wanted some quiet time and I was impressed she called me out on it.”
Freedom!
“In my case, I was one of the kids impressing their parents.
My cousin, my brother, and I, all around 10 years old, were walking around a farm about half a mile away from our grandparents’ house. It used to have lots of pigs but at the moment only four dogs that guarded the farm were there, living inside tiny cages where they probably stayed most of the time. We found the key to the cages, “freed” all the dogs and wrote some cheesy line like ‘FREEDOM TO ALL THE ANIMALS’ in childish handwriting on a wall with a purple desinfectant spray we found.
Turns out the farm belonged to a close friend of our grandma and since one of the dogs decided to follow us we got caught very quickly. We had to go to the owners’ house and apologize and we were grounded for the rest of the summer, but last year (like 10 years later) my parents actually told us they were very proud and impressed!”
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Yer a wizard.
“I overheard my dad saying he was secretly proud of something I did in school. It’s school photo day and what happened is we go in small groups and have our picture taken then the wizard photographers put it all together, I got myself in two of the groups and ended up in the final photo twice.”
Impressive talent for one so young.
“It was actually my nephew, but a few years ago (back when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade), his class was learning about onomatopoeia and the teacher was asking the children if they knew any. Apparently, my nephew raised his hand and said ‘I know one!’ and then he farted.”
The skills of a bad handyman.
“Put a hole in the wall of my room. Repaired it by painting the back side of some photo paper and gluing it to the wall. My dad was fairly upset when he found it about 2 years later, but later admitted that my McGyver repair job was impressive.”
Sometimes the old ways are best.
“Today, my seven year old son was upset about losing two games in a row of Go Fish. I have been working on his sportsmanship for a while now, and I was disappointed in his attitude. Trying to coax him back to the table and continue the lesson, I said, ‘Best three out of five?’
Without missing a beat the tears stopped, and with an intensity usually reserved for a fight weigh in, he spun ’round, gave me a steely-eyed glare and said, ‘No Dad. We’re going to settle this the old fashioned way.’ He rolled up a sleeve, popped his elbow on the table and presented an arm ready for an epic arm wrestling. I nearly lost it, and I didn’t want to indulge this, but I did. With his little sister’s help, they were ‘victorious’ and teased me mercilessly for the next hour. I had to excuse myself for a good giggle after.”
Future hacker.
“I blocked YouTube on the Ipad. I was a little worried my kid might see some stuff on YouTube not intended for a 5 year old. My 5 year old found a work-around by starting up Angry Birds, clicking on the Angry Birds Cartoons, then browsing to his favorite YouTuber using the Voice Search function.
I have to say, that’s brighter than most adults I’ve seen. He dealt with bypassing Password protection and his own inability to write using the speech function. That’s amazing!”
I guess she had the nerve after all.
“When my daughter was 6, a boy in school was bullying her. He was confronting her one day, in front of his buddies, and said, ‘I bet you don’t have the nerve to kick me in the nuts.’
She did. We got a call from the school. My ex and I had to stifle laughter while making to the principal. We exploded once we were outside, then had to rein it in once we met up with our daughter. Heh.
The kid who was bullying her left her alone after that.”
Actually a pretty good point.
“When I was maybe 4 or 5 my parents got a betta fish. I named it Shimmer and year or so later it died, so we got another one. I wanted to named him Shimmer too but my parents told me that’s bad because you don’t name things after things that died.
I proceeded to inform them that they’d named me after my dead great grandmother. They let me name the fish Shimmer.”
She learned from the best.
“Ok, so not my kid but my significantly younger sibling. When she was a young toddler, the family was out to dinner and she accidentally dropped her fork on the ground. As a reflex that she undoubtedly picked up from my mom, she shouted out ‘[expletive]!’ Clearly, the entire restaurant heard her. My mom was mortified and immediately tried to repair the situation. ‘No! No, baby! That’s not what we say. What do we say?’ she responded, I assume hoping for an ‘uh oh’ or an ‘oops’ or maybe even a ‘sorry.’ But my sister took a moment to think this one through. She dug down deep into her recollection of what mommy would say in that situation, and responded with a clear and resounding ‘[worse expletive]!'”
Mess around and find out.
“My 8 year old girl was being bullied by two boys at her school. So she took them both down. Put one in a choke hold (briefly) and the other kid ran. Surprise, she’s being doing Brazilian jujitsu since she was five! Anyway she came home and told me she took both boys out. When I looked at her in astonishment she said “Don’t worry though! I did it on the grass and not the concrete!” I was amused and hella impressed. A year later and she is now best friends with one of the boys.”
Great comeback.
“4 year old wanted to go to the zoo. I didn’t. I told him we would go to the park by the zoo, because that didn’t cost any money. Then I told him I wanted to get coffee first. His response? ‘Oh, so you have money for coffee?’ I was impressed with his very appropriate and timely response.”
It’s just a prank, bro.
“My nine year old son called me into his room because he had a monster in his closet. I tell him he’s too old for that kind of thing and to go back to sleep. He pleads with me to check. I open the door and turn on the light, staring back at me is some scruffy looking thing with angry eyes and I scream. It was a mirror. I’m trying to see if I’m having a heart attack and he’s laughing his troll ass off. I’m proud of his cleverness but considered if he were too old to be left on someone’s doorstep.”
That’s a good (bad?) kid.
“My 3 year old dragged a chair from the lounge to the kitchen and climbed up to help herself to an ice cream from the freezer, I caught her in the act and was prepared to be angry until I realized that before getting herself one, she had taken 2 out for her little brother and sister, unwrapped them and sent them out to the balcony to eat so they wouldn’t make a mess. I decided she deserved the ice cream.”
