Are there any good people left out there?
No? OK cool, I always feel a little less guilty about being trash when I know I’m not the only one.
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Well, as long as we’re all bad, why don’t we take a second to appreciate some of the folks out there who make zero apologies for being their true selves.
1. Well…not quite what I meant about garbage people.
I mean, I’m not saying that it’s a fantastic idea to festoon your apartment with Pringles cans. It doesn’t make you a bad person, just a bad interior decorator.
2. Nah, here we go. I meant something like this.
I could’ve never pulled a prank like this on my mom.
First, because she is a crack shot with a thrown slipper, and also because the room under the stairs where I slept was always locked from the outside.
3. Listen, if you feel like your best self wearing something, then just wear it.
No matter what anybody says, you can point somewhere on this dress to tell them how their comments made you feel.
Ugh, I just love it when we can stop being ashamed of being terrible.
It’s true freedom.
4. Sometimes it takes teamwork to really live your best life.
Or your sketchiest life, anyway. Hope she doesn’t have Twitter.
5. Speaking of not having social media, can this person just shut down their accounts?
Or at least, can we explain how banks work so I don’t slip in something next time I deposit a cheque?
6. Taking this a bit literally, but hey — you do you.
This is why I hide my true self behind layers of sarcasm and memes. And also why I don’t wear white socks, but that doesn’t really have much to do with the pic.
Honestly, at this point dressing up as trash might be a legit look.
I can’t wait until I can go to my first trashion show. That’s the future I wanna live in.
7. Like, the OG who posted this? They do not have a confidence issue. Own it, right?
Although if it ever rips open, everybody is gonna know who all those empty ice cream containers and tissue boxes belong to.
8. I could never do Agent Mulder dirty like that. Probably. Maybe.
OK, fine. If there was some emergency…or, if I was hungry, or I just wanted the cab.
I told you already, I’m not better.
9. So many tragedies, all in the name of fashion.
I support your right to make tiny fractal hands on the tips of your fingers. Just know I will never touch your hand except in my nightmares.
Ugh. I take it back. Don’t let that person be that person, not with the hand thing. The hand thing is cancelled.
I can’t…handle…it.
10. I don’t have kids, but I can understand the problem here.
When torn between keeping an eye on a child and keeping an eye on my onion rings…well, I’m not so good at multitasking.
11. I think we all know that just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you have to stay single.
But it probably explains why you’ll be single after pulling this maneuver.
So if we’ve learned anything today, it’s this:
It doesn’t matter if you’re a trash person or not…never fall asleep around anybody with a camera.
