We can choose our life partners by finding the right person to love, but we can’t always choose what comes with that. Our life partners often come with friends and family, and most of the time, a mother .
We’ve all heard the stories of the “Crazy mother-in-law ” who makes people’s lives a living, breathing hell. But, how do you know your mother-in-law is toxic ? There are a few tell-tale signs.
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If she asks her child to put her before you.
While parents are an important aspect of anyone’s life, there should be no one who comes before your husband or wife.
If your mother-in-law insists that their child puts her before you and your new family, that’s a sure sign that she is overbearing and a bit toxic.
She inserts herself where she doesn’t belong.
A mother-in-law who is nosy and tries to find out information that does not relate to her nor involve her is a sign of drama, but if she begins to insert herself into problems and issues that are not her place, that’s a red flag.
She makes you feel inadequate and self-conscious.
If your mother-in-law makes you feel self-conscious and second-guess yourself, it’s a sure sign that she’s toxic.
Someone who makes you doubt yourself is not someone that you want to be around often. But, because she’s now family, it’s even harder to navigate.
She has absolutely no boundaries with you or your partner.
There are some things that should be kept unsaid with in-laws. A mother-in-law who does not understand this is a big issue.
Boundaries are important for all parties in a family, the last thing you need is your in-law to try and talk about your sex life or your parenting on a regular basis.
She judges your culture and ethnicity.
You may marry into a family that is of a different culture, ethnicity, or religion.
While it can be a new path to navigate, it shouldn’t be uncomfortable or toxic. If your mother-in-law makes you feel ashamed or looks down upon your differences, that’s a big problem.
She asks you to keep things from her son/daughter.
Mothers-in-law sometimes want to get close with you and make their own relationship together, outside of their son/daughter. But, if your mother-in-law asks you to keep secrets from your partner, that is just bad news.
You never want to keep things from your life partner, ever.
She gets involved in your marital problems.
When you fight with your husband/wife, they may turn to their mom for advice or just to vent. She can be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, but she should never get involved in your relationship and arguments.
A mother-in-law who puts herself in the middle is a sure sign of toxic.
She constantly brings up exes.
Everyone has a past and everyone has past relationships. However, now that you’re married, these people shouldn’t matter.
If your mother-in-law brings up your partner’s exes a lot, or at all, that is a huge sign of toxic behavior.
She shows up unannounced, often.
Part of boundaries means that a mother-in-law knows your house is not her house, too.
That means she should make plans to come over and make sure it’s okay before she just drops in on you and your husband/wife. It may be hard, but make sure she knows her place.
She compares your parents to her.
Every parent is different and every family has different circumstances. Some parents have a lot of money and time, while others are not as wealthy.
A mother-in-law who judges your parents and puts them in competition with herself is a huge red flag.
She critiques your parenting.
When you become a parent, the last thing you want is for someone to tell you how to do things “their way.”
Being a parent is a lot of trial and error and doing things your own way. If your mother-in-law tries to change the way you parent, making sure you do it her way, that can be a lot of problems.
She never apologizes.
We all make mistakes in life, even family. The problem with making mistakes is when we don’t admit to them and try to grow.
If your mother-in-law doesn’t learn to apologize when she is wrong, she may never be the type of person you can really bond with.
She makes everything about her.
Self-centered people can be difficult to handle. Whenever your mother-in-law comes around, it should be for more reasons than just to make things about her.
Self-centered people tend to make everything about them, even things that have nothing to do with them. It can also be hard to handle someone who is egotistical and self-absorbed.
She always ruins family gatherings.
Whether it’s from being sneaky or from inserting herself too often, if your mother-in-law makes family gatherings and holidays stressful, that means she’s definitely toxic.
You don’t want to constantly be on edge every time you have a family party.
