I’m the kind of person who not only has a difficult time lying (my “tell” is unbelievably obvious), but I also don’t have much of a verbal filter.
I find myself constantly blurting out things, not all of which are popular opinions, and only afterwards realizing that perhaps I should have tried to keep some of that to myself.
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But what can I say? I’m just being honest. And so are all of these people. After all, honesty is the best policy, right?
But…but what did you *do* then?
Honestly, even if I’m not using it, I always have my phone on me. I genuinely can’t even remember the last time I walked into a bathroom and didn’t drop it on the counter…
As I typed that, I looked at the screen of my phone and realized I have no right to be touching that disgusting thing with my bare hands .
I feel like they could crack it, you know?
I think at this point I trust the hosts of cold case podcasts more than I do the actual police.
But maybe that says more about the police than it does the hosts…
Entertaining kids? In this heat? No thank you.
That’s what the internet is for, guys. Just plop them down on the couch with an iPad and some Goldfish Crackers and they’ll be set for hours.
Who knew??
But does that mean I’m going to try and tackle the other tasks I’ve been putting off this year too? Not a chance.
We don’t learn lessons in this house.
Please get rid of all other numbers.
Sometimes I catch myself hitting “Add 30” several times just to make the microwave read “1:30”.
Even though it took the same amount of button-pushing as it would have if I’d manually typed it in, it’s somehow faster , you feel me?
For real though.
I’m just saying, I have been actively choosing to hold off on the “grown up stuff” so I can enjoy life a bit longer, and then all this nonsense happens.
A little bit louder now.
Sure, they can send you home for wearing a tank top with straps that aren’t three fingers’-width but they definitely can’t make kids wear a face mask.
There’s “hungry” and then there’s “*hangry*”.
Look, I don’t know when it happened but I guess I’ve just reached a point in my life where I value food more than friendships. I will become your worst nightmare if we don’t get to an Olive Garden in the next twenty minutes, Brittany, don’t test me.
This literally boggles my mind now.
I find whenever I’m watching movies now and I see strangers shake hands, or watch people freely hold the bars on city buses, or even stand particularly close to someone in an elevator, I actually cringe.
It’s like an alternate universe to me now.
Wouldn’t it be great if packages showed up right after you paid?
I envision a world one day where items just automatically appear on your doorstep the second the company has processed your credit card information.
Oh, what a world that would be .
The girls can *breathe* (and so can I because masks don’t cut off oxygen, Karen.)
I realized recently that I also have an entire drawer of jeans that I haven’t touched since the pandemic began, and I can’t even remember the last time I put on an actual pair of socks.
But you best believe my face mask has become my number one accessory. Stay safe out there, people. Mask up.
