Nowadays, a lot of us are pretty cool with just letting people be. We're starting to acknowledge that we're all into something kind of weird and that we shouldn't give people trouble as long as they're not hurting anybody.
But some things just seem to cross that line for us. Not only are we convinced they're doing harm, but that they must be stopped for the good of humanity.
Beware of these menaces.
If the response to "Ooh yeah, the 'gram's gonna love this" is "Larry, please. You're making this really uncomfortable," just put the phone down.
They better not say something like "it works, trust me" because I already don't, and I think it's an uphill battle to get anyone else to trust them.
Let that be a lesson to try something more original next time. Otherwise, they might be original by accident and that's no fun when you're stuck explaining a mysterious nipple tattoo.
If you give somebody free reign to tell a joke, that's rolling the dice. Maybe ask for a joke about pizza?
I didn't know that hot dogs had a "molten stage," but it's a good thing they got it off the grill before it started splitting atoms.
When you've got two perfectly good ways to keep the sun out of your eyes and you don't use either of them, the cool points are already out the window.
I'm not sure how effective a pen saying "don't cheat, ya goofball" would be, but good luck writing test answers with it.
I just want y'all to promise me that you won't try to start a theme park full of them. Try to remember the sage wisdom of Jeff Goldblum.
The one who realizes they shouldn't do the thing and then doesn't do it is the wise one.
Even if the toilet said it would turn into a magical prince, don't listen to it. It's literally full of crap.
Somehow, I don't think she's any closer to convincing us that someone stepped on the world.
The evidence is as shaky as her view through that thing.
Like, did people see the commercials about baby-proofing them and think, "But what if I want to eat them?"
And once we do that, we should erase all records of it ever happening in the faint hope that nobody ever has this idea again.
But even if it was, the regrettable thing here was not making the rest of the E's backwards so people don't keep pointing out your "mistake."
To whoever did this, at least try to be smart. They want their phone, you want your fingers. Give it back.
I just hope they don't come crying to us when the CIA posts a video of them picking their nose on YouTube.
Hey, you don't know that it won't happen.
I'll bet they're the type to say "on a big pile of money" when I ask how they sleep at night. Disgraceful.
No matter how she has a good time or how she's dressed as she does it, that milk better not go sour.
Get it together.
I still have those dreams where I'm stuck in an exam I didn't study for, so I definitely believe our youth deserve better than canceled pizza nightmares.
My fellow guys need to take a page from the ladies' book and delete the ones where your squad doesn't look good.
I was gonna say "cute," but that might not be convincing.
I don't know how many of y'all think that's a relatable question, but I do know that pretty much everyone with kids does. "Sock in French onion dip" pretty much sums up what life with kids looks like.
Maybe I should just start clicking "not interested" on random recommendations and say "you know why" when they ask.
That probably wouldn't inspire them to tearfully confess, but I'm hoping they'd at least realize how much they suck for a moment.
That's kind of an ironic thing to say for someone who's about to run off with bundles of their own money.
Oh well, as long as they're happy.
