Do we live in a world of equality ? Well, we’ve made some strides over the years, but generally speaking, the answer is no . For women, it can be tough to navigate around the many examples of sexism, not to mention double standards , that they’ll encounter in life.
Many women feel conditioned to apologize for every little thing, even if it’s not their fault. But this r/AskWomen thread delved into the things that women are absolutely not going to apologize for, ever.
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Sounds like good parenting.
“Raising my daughter to trust herself and hold her boundaries. She’s a teenager now, and I’ve been told regularly for years that she is ‘prickly’ by family. I think that is mostly cultural pushback against the expectation that women be constantly smiling and accommodating.”
Chronic illnesses are awful.
“When my chronic illness flares, everything stops and I don’t leave the house period. No it’s just around the corner or it’ll only take 5 minutes. Can’t help you. I take care of me and trying to survive and I won’t apologize or feel bad for it ever again.”
Shots fired.
“Not wearing a bra and letting my nipples show through my tops.
My boobs want to be free! What’s with the over-sexualisation of female nipples when at least ours have a purpose.. what can male nipples do? Nada. Yet it’s fine for us to see those useless things; male nipples and the males themselves. Btw please don’t take me too serious guys I just enjoy poking bit of fun at the mens”
Of course it’s a valid hobby.
“Playing video games. It sounds trivial but I’m child free with my husband and our friends with kids have been snarky to us as of late about it. We both work full time jobs and are paid pretty reasonably well so we see it as a valid hobby but our friends act like we are children. And video games are important to us because it’s how we met and ended up in a relationship.”
Just doing your job.
“Doing my job. I work in a small shop and work alone for eight hours every shift. Everything is my job from waiting on customers to vacuuming to stocking what needs stocked. If you are not waiting on me to get up/get off my phone, please don’t complain that I’m not hurrying to wait on you. Everything is my job. I am simply doing my job.”
It’s a normal thing and doesn’t need to be apologized for.
“Flooding.
I have endo, my period comes irregularly and makes a grand entrance.
If I bleed through my pants, it’s not gross, I’m not disgusting, it happens semi regularly. It’s my normal.”
Refuse to tone switch.
“For the way I speak.
Yes I am from ‘somewhere different to you’. Yes, I’ve had a hard time. Yes I sound rough.
But no, I won’t change who I am to make myself sound more middle class and acceptable in snobby society. I’m proud of my roots and the way I speak indicates how much work I’ve had to do to get to where I am today. A lot more than you did.
So there.”
Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
“Blocking people. I don’t know why strangers get so butt hurt when you post about blocking someone.”
“I used to be this way. I would get sooo angry whenever someone mentioned blocking someone (no matter the reason)….then I started to do it and realized how much peace it brings me,I wish I would’ve learned sooner”
This seems like the bare minimum for treating a person decently.
“My boundaries. I’ve had people try to treat me like a crazy person for trying to enforce normal, healthy boundaries. I won’t ever apologize for demanding to be treated with decency.”
No one should have to apologize for this.
“My physical limitations
Yes I’m visual impaired no I will not apologize for leaning so close to your computer screen I can touch it with my nose becuase you are the one who asked me to come over and show you how to do it.
No I’m no going to apologize for asking for a menu when I cannot read the backboard menu behind the counter.”
Self care is so important.
“If I don’t take care of myself, no one else will.
Other people aren’t entitled to my time or energy.
Other people’s feelings aren’t my responsibility. If they’re upset that I said no, it’s their problem, not mine.
Saying no actually helps my relationships. It prevents me from resenting the other person, which damages the relationship. Also, the people who get mad at you for saying no are usually just using you for something. People who really care about you don’t mind if you say no. I use boundaries as a way to weed out selfish people from my life.”
You need to put yourself first.
“Choosing me.
I used to put everyone first and my needs last and I’ll never do that again. If it doesn’t work for me, I’m out. I really think a lot of my stuff came from anxiety. Once I got that treated it became a lot easier to create boundaries and learn to say no.”
Women aren’t always given the space to be assertive.
“Speaking my mind. No, not in the [a-hole] ‘I’m so blunt, I’m just keeping it real’ kinda way. But the way that is respectful yet gets the point across.”
“So being assertive.”
Hard to blame someone for leaving a cult.
“Running away from home and from the Jehovah Witness cult and finally be able to love my life.”
“My fiance was a JW too, it’s a horrible cult- congrats on getting out!”
“I’m a former JW! Glad you got out!”
Certain things need to come before other things.
“Putting my child ahead of my job.”
“Family comes first. You can always find something new to do, you can’t find a new family.”
“Love this. I couldn’t agree more. You’re a brilliant human!”
Don’t ever settle.
“My standards for men.”
“Good for you!
For years my Mother told me my standards were too high and I just needed to pick someone and settle already. I didn’t listen to her. I married my INCREDIBLE husband at 34 years old, I’m 38 now with 2 kids and we’re planning a third.
Never settle for less than exactly what you need to be happy.”
Slow and steady.
“Taking my time.
I hated being urged to be faster, to work faster, to walk faster, to bath faster. I’m not sorry for doing it on my own pace.”
“I can appreciate this, but in some situations people taking their time is wasting other people’s time.”
There’s usually a good reason.
“Hating my dad.”
“Exactly thank you. No I don’t have to forgive him to live in peace and with a clean conscience. I really am healing without needing to forgive that mess.”
“Agree. People are always like ‘you’ll regret it one day’ – including my father.”
It’s a valid choice.
“Not wanting children.”
“This! Hate being looked at for being the bad guy for not wanting kids. Especially when others are being pushy about it with the ‘oh you will want them later’…. like no tf I don’t.”
It’s important to establish.
“My boundaries. They’re put in place for good reason and they will stay that way.”
– u/dz2400
“Me either! Especially getting older and getting in touch with that and knowing about boundaries and that it’s ok to have them. And just finding my own voice too.”
