When couples get married , many merge their bank accounts. A joint bank account allows them to both have access to money that can fund the mortgage, car payments, and looking after the kids.
But what if you’re not married? Should you still be sharing your bank information with a partner? That’s the dilemma facing one woman who doesn’t want to pay for gifts for her partner’s sons.
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This woman brought her dilemma to the Am I The Asshole (AITA) community on Reddit.
There, she began by explaining that she, 31, has been with her boyfriend, 37, for eight months. She wrote that he’s a single dad with three kids.
“We’re on pretty good terms regarding almost everything,” she explained.
“When it comes to money and spending, we’d take turns to invite each other out weekly (we don’t live together obviously),” she wrote. On several occasions, he had her pay for his kids’ purchases.
“I didn’t make a big issue out of it for the sole reason that those purchases were relatively small, all I had to pay was $30-60.”
But things took a dramatic turn when he called her one day while she was at work.
While sounding like he was in a hurry, he said that he just found the gaming device that he had been looking for so long for his oldest son.
When the woman asked what this had to do with her, he told her that he was short on money and needed to borrow $300.
Although she was hesitant, she agreed. But then he asked for her bank account information so he could take the money out.
She refused and told him to wait until she got there. This brought out a bad side of him, as he kept insisting that he would handle it.
“His insistence made me uncomfortable so I still said no and told him to either wait or I won’t pay,” she wrote.
“He got mad at me saying he didn’t get why I was acting like this. He got so loud I had to hang up.”
When she went home, she found him sitting outside, extremely upset.
“I told him I don’t feel comfortable letting anyone have my personal info especially when it comes to finances.” To this, he got offended and said, “I’M NOT JUST ANYONE, I’M YOUR [EXPLETIVE] PARTNER!!”
Then, he went on a rant about how his son is mad at him for not buying the gaming device, and that it’s all her fault.
“We had a fight then he left and told me I’d better have an apology for him AND his son next time I call his phone,” she wrote.
While she hasn’t called yet, she feels like she acted “stupidly and irrationally.”
She thinks she should’ve just shared her bank info. But since she’s not firm on that, she turned to Reddit for their option .
They were more than happy to do that, starting with recommendations that she “drop this loser.”
“OP is being gaslit by her BF,” one wrote.
They accused him of using her for money and then gaslighting her to feel guilty for being irrational. “Surprised he doesn’t have RED FLAG written in a sharpie on his forehead,” commented another user.
“Hell, there’s tons of married couples that have separate accounts. Pretty bold of him to assume that after 8 months he would have access to yours.”
In an update to the story, the woman found out that he LIED to her about the money. He really needed it to pay for one of his buddy’s car repairs.
Read the full story and comments here!
H/T: Reddit
