Having a child is a dream for many people who want to experience the joy of having a kid. However, some couples are not that lucky. Sometimes it seems that no matter how many things they try or how hard they work to make this happen, nothing works out for them. Redditor south_marine3167 shared a post on the r/AITA subreddit about an incident with one of her friends, who is also an infertile woman. She had written her a check for $12,000 to help with an upcoming IVF cycle and the woman was very appreciative of it. However, the next day, she was suddenly messaged by a “ mutual friend ” with a screenshot of her bashing her over her failed attempts at having a baby. south_marine3167 was very hurt by this and canceled the check. Now, she wonders if she was right in doing so. Here’s what she wrote.
Alessia and her husband are hoping IVF works, but it’s hard for her friend to be around else with children when she couldn’t have any.
Friend donates $12K to help friend’s IVF treatment, but feeling turns sour
Alessia accidentally hurt her infertility-struggling friend with an ‘inside joke’, but things *didn’t go as planned for her.
Friendship tested after an insensitive joke leaves hurt and confusion
Woman gets hurt after her friend makes an insensitive joke. Is her reaction unfair?
Shocked and hurt after her infertile friend’s joke, the woman decides to put some distance to protect her mental health
Carol mockingly laughs at the post and is angered that her real name was used.
After 15 years of friendship, an unintended joke causes a rift
After a long-time friend finds out that she can’t conceive, she offers to donate $12,000 to help the friend with the IVF cycle. What she finds out the next day is shocking. Her infertile friend had made a joke about her infertility, not knowing that it would hurt her friend so much that she would take back the loan. Even though the joke was unintended, many think that her friend was not supportive of her. It has resulted in a rift between the two and left many wondering if the friendship can be mended. This leads us to the comments and reactions from the people on Reddit.
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A *cruel* act & NTA
OP’s friend showed true colors with a selfish, mocking ‘joke’ despite the $12k donation OP offered. Everyone agrees that OP’s kind heart and moral values are worth more than her fertility status. OP is NTA and deserves better than her friend and her husband’s pressuring her to give back the money.
♀️ Friends who mock you are not real friends!
The commenter says the OP (original poster) is NTA (not the a**hole), advising that the friends who are labeling the OP as being ‘too sensitive’ should put their money where their mouth is. Replies to the comment build on this sentiment, asserting that there is no such thing as ‘too sensitive’, and that the friend in question demonstrated disgusting behavior.
A**-kicking not OK
The commenter finds Alessia’s behavior despicable, not just because of the unbounded $12K donation but also because the betrayal of a friend is a bigger crime. Replies questioned the recklessness of giving away such large amounts of money casually and how it’s not OK to receive them with strings attached.
Friend requests $12K in IVF donation
The commenter dubs the friend’s request as ‘wild’ and suggests not to do it, as it is not a normal thing to do. Other replies agree with the sentiment, saying the friend might have used their trauma to guilt trip them into the donation and that if one can afford it, why not help out?
From one struggles woman to another
The commenter is NTA (not the a**hole) and sympathizes with OP (original poster), expressing that their friend said cruel things that were not a joke, and OP was being kind and generous. The reply sends a hug of sympathy and appreciation for the commenter’s understanding.
Friendship ends in heartache
The commenter is Not The A**hole (NTA) and highlights how the OP’s friend has damaged their 15-year friendship by making an insensitive joke about the OP’s infertility and then bullying and guilt-tripping them. The replies also support the OP, cautioning them to be careful around their friends and stand their ground.
People arguing for a favor… ✋
The comment is marked NTA and highlights the sense of entitlement from the husband and their argument. One reply to the comment states that it’s foolish to argue and the explanation of it being an ‘inside joke’ is oversimplified, as the original poster was not in on it.
NTA: Don’t let them ⚔️
The commenter said that the poster should not show empathy or donate $12K to her infertile friend, who was being smug and cruel. They called this friend and her husband disgusting and entitled a**holes, and urged the poster to cut them out of her life.
Friendship hurts! ️
The comment states that the author is Not The A**hole (NTA) for feeling hurt after their infertile friend made them the butt of an inside joke, and was cruel in the process. A reply adds that the infertile friend’s joke was inappropriate and should not have been said. The reply also suggests that the author is better off without their insensitive friends.
Friendship lessons
The comment argues that the poster’s friend was two-faced since she mocked their infertility problems and was only looking for a financial boost. The replies point out that even if the poster provides the $12K, the friendship is irreparably ruined, and suggest that they seek out better friends. The comment concludes that the money should be kept and no strings attached money should be reciprocated!
Money can’t buy you happiness
NTA stands for Not The A**hole, and this comment is in agreement with the sentiment. The comment explains that it was not a joking matter to make the friend feel awful for giving the commenter thousands and thousands of dollars. A joke is given to the poster and suggests a donation of $12 for tissues so she can cry to someone who isn’t hurting in the same way.
♀️ Friend gets called out for a joke gone wrong
The commenter suggests the woman tell her friend that she didn’t find the joke funny and ask her to explain it. Another commenter suggests taking it a step further and sending a screenshot to her friend’s husband to ask if he could explain it. Both commenters agree that it is not the woman’s fault in this situation and she should not feel bad about it.
NTA: She didn’t deserve
The commenter believes that the first woman does not deserve the $12K donation, as she had been making comments about the original poster behind her back and her husband is exhibiting an entitled attitude. The commenter further states that the original poster has the right to decide how to talk about her own circumstances.
Don’t give money or loyalty to someone who hurts you.
Commenter said NTA (not the a**hole), stating that the friend did not deserve the commenter’s money or loyalty after they hurt them in a vulnerable spot.
Friend’s ‘joke’ has dire consequences
The comment calls out the friend for their inappropriate behavior, saying that anyone who justified the joke is disgusting. They advise the protagonist to stand their ground with a witty comeback, stating that if anyone is giving them grief, they should offer to donate $12K since jokes seem to be that person’s cup of tea. No A**Hole Here (NTA).
Friend’s mock & $12K donation✋
The comment discusses a woman who mocks her infertile friend by making an inside joke and then stops a donation of $12,000. The comment then states that the woman and her husband were not expecting such a reaction and they were surprised by her gall. The commenter identified this situation as NTA (not the a**hole).
Carol didn’t let the AH
The commenter condemned the friend for mocking the original poster with an ‘inside joke’ and asserted that the friend had been talking behind the original poster’s back. Carol was praised for not letting the friend take advantage of the original poster. The commenter concluded by warning the friend, Alessia, not to mess around.
NTA: Supporting✊ and appreciating a generous friend!
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The commenter is Not The A**hole here and expresses that if someone was generous enough to give them a $12K donation, they would be singing their praises and not mocking them. The commenter emphasizes the importance of appreciating and supporting a generous friend.
NTA: Friendship damaged by gossip
The comment says the friendship wasn’t damaged by the original poster, but by the friend’s disrespectful gossip. The comment also suggests that there will be fallout over the matter and that there is no option but to accept the situation unless the original poster wants to roll over.
Wow, emotional manipulation not cool!
The comment says ‘NTA’, which means ‘not the a**hole’. It describes an infertile woman and her friend who did not appreciate the emotional manipulation behind an inside joke. The commenter calls off the $12K donation, applauding the third party who called out the infertile woman’s friend and termed her a ‘good friend’.
Is it right to ask a friend for $12K?
The comment suggests that it wasn’t right for the friend to ask the other for $12K and that they should instead put the money towards adoption if they want a baby.
Friend hurts generous donation
The commenter said it’s clear that the friend never learned not to bite the hand that feeds you and that mixing friends and money rarely works out well. The commenter suggested taking a vacation away from this drama.
Friend jokingly disses ♀️, then backs out of promise
Carol made an infertile joke which was taken offensively and had Alessia call off the $12K donation she was about to make. No money was involved in their relationship before but the offer of help was made without expecting anything in return.
Friendship strained after monetary misstep
The commenter believes that the friend’s offer to donate $12K was wrong and that rescinding it will damage the relationship, but ultimately believes the friend is NTA. Another reply agrees that the comment was wrong and that actions matter more than intent, also recommending that the commenter is NTA.
A ‘gift’ for an ungrateful couple!?
The commentator argues that it is completely justified for the woman to withdraw a generous ‘gift’ from a couple after the infertile friend made fun of her situation and wanted to exploit her kindness. The commentator declares that the woman is Not The A**hole (NTA).
Friendly reminder: + = ❌
The commenter cautions readers to be careful when a friend offers to give a large sum of money, as the friendship may not be worth the cost.
Friend manipulates for $$ and mocks ♀️
The commenter declared NTA (not the a**hole) to the original poster and shared that their formerly supportive friend was actually manipulating them into giving thousands of dollars while mocking them behind their back. Such behavior is neither that of a friend nor support, but rather a form of abuse or a con man.
NTA: A generous offer, misguided joke, and demanding money back?
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The commenter declared the original poster Not The A**hole after they described how their infertile friend harshly joked about their life and requested the return of their generous $12K donation despite no apology. They then recommended cutting off the friend.
Respect is
The comment highlights the importance of respect, especially when someone has shown you kindness. They remark that making a joke at someone’s expense, especially when it pertains to the hardship they have endured, is unacceptable and lack of respect should not be tolerated, especially when someone has offered you such an amazing gesture.
No a-hole here.
The commenter says the poster is not the a-hole and that their former friend probably was never a true friend. They express sympathy for the poster’s difficult experience.
*Don’t donate to someone who looks down on you!*
The comment advises the woman not to donate $12K to her infertile friend who mocks her with an inside joke and looks down on her circumstances. They advise the woman to cancel the check and let her friend get the money from someone she looks up to. It is clear that the friend is Not The A**hole in this situation.
NTA: *If they can’t pay for IVF then they can’t afford a child*
The commenter emphasizes that if their friend cannot afford in-vitro fertilization (IVF), then they should not get a child. This implies that, in such a situation, the friend is not the a**hole.
NTA: Don’t slate them for something you both share
The comment states that the commenter is not an a**hole for not reciprocating their friend’s inside joke, and to use the money for something that makes them happy. The commenter also states that the relationship is irreparable.
Friend exposing insensitivity
Carol was being kind to point out that the joke was insensitive towards someone who is not struggling with infertility. The commenter believes that the original poster is not the a**hole in this situation.
Friend crosses the line ♀️
The commenter pointed out that the friend crossed the line by making fun of the woman’s situation and looking down on her, which was clearly not acceptable.
A friend’s joke gone wrong?
Carol’s infertile friend mocked her with an ‘inside joke’ and called off a $12K donation. The original comment suggests that if this friend can’t afford IVF, she can’t afford a child and that she has been a ‘crappy’ friend for doing so.
NTA: Too specific, too hurtful ❌
The commenter emphasizes that the joke at the expense of the woman was far too specific and painful to be considered a joke, and suggests that if it were a joke, it should only be about the woman herself.
A long-lasting friendship ruined ✖️
The commentator believes that the woman’s infertility-related joke ruined a long-term friendship of 15 years and that the woman is absolutely NTA (not the a**hole).
NTA – Supporting a friend doesn’t end when IVF does!
This comment reflects that the writer thinks the OP is NTA (not the a**hole) and should keep the $12K donation. The comment also highlights that support and friendship don’t end when you stop trying IVF and suggests the OP take an expensive solo holiday with the saved money.
Needless cruelty
Carol was NTA for calling out the ‘friend’ for their cruel comments about the woman. Her actions were neither practical nor necessary and not appropriate for any kind of relationship.
NTA. Friends don’t behave like this.
The comment stated that the woman’s infertile friend was not the a**hole for making a cruel jab at her expense. The commenter empathized with the woman’s infertility experience and concluded that the woman should be better off without such a friend.
NTA: Alessia & husband.
This commenter strongly believes that Alessia and her husband are the toxic ones and Carol, the friend in question, is righteously standing up for herself. Furthermore, they suggest that anyone accusing her of being oversensitive should go to h*ll.
NTA: + ✋
The commenter advises against allowing any emotional manipulation and instead suggests taking a stance of not the a**hole (NTA). They emphasize that, when someone is only trying to get something out of you, they will be the first to cut you out of their life once they get what they need.
Friend’s AH behavior─insulting someone who offered her $12K!
The commenter wasn’t the a**hole (NTA), but the ex and the so-called friend were for their inconsiderate behavior. The commenter suggests the original poster to find someone who loves them for who they are and explore other options if they want to start a family.
Friendship in tatters
NTA: The commenter finds it inexcusable that the infertile friend mocked their mutual friend and calls off the $12K donation. The commenter would drop the friend so fast for their hurtful words.
Friendship torn apart
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Carrol was not the a-hole here and the joke she made was in poor taste. She and the donor have not reconciled and the $12K donation has been called off.
♀️ Friend not being sympathetic!
The comment suggests that the woman shouldn’t have been so generous in offering a $12K donation to her infertile friend as it wasn’t a wise decision, to begin with. The friend’s behavior of mocking the woman with an inside joke was not sympathetic either.
Friendship shattered?
NTA: the commenter believes that the friend’s* behavior has caused irreparable damage to their 15-year-old friendship. The commenter finds the words said about a friend that had just gifted someone $12,000 unacceptable and suggests reevaluating their relationship with Alessia.
Not the a**hole, but it’s over
The commenter empathizes with the woman’s infertility issues, and asserts that her friend’s behavior wasn’t funny, but instead a sign of her fear and insecurity. They conclude that the friendship is over and the woman doesn’t owe the former friend anything anymore.
Friendship crosses the line: NTA
The comment accuses the friend of having no regard for the shared friendship and only caring about the money. It also concludes that the infertile person is Not the A**hole (NTA).
Not a charity
The commenter states that they are not the a**hole in this situation and that the infertile friend is not a true friend since they had the audacity to mock them and then expect them to pay for their IVF costs even though no love was returned.
Friend deals low blow, NTA
The comment author doesn’t think the woman is the a**hole (NTA) for being hurt and upset, as her friend dealt her a low blow, and must now accept the consequences.
Friend expresses fear , comment replies stir debate
The comment questions whether the remark made by the friend was mocking or a genuine fear. The comment replies argue that even if it was meant as a fear it was still hurtful. Everyone’s opinion is being debated.
Don’t give toxic people your money!
The commenter advises against giving the $12K donation to the infertile couple after the wife mocked the commenter with an inside joke. The commenter advises the original poster to keep their money and stay away from the toxic couple, who came rushing to yell at the original poster for canceling the check.
NTA: Alessia’s not showing much respect
The comment states that the commenter is Not The A**hole and that Alessia, the infertile friend, does not have much respect or compassion for the commenter. The commenter also notes that the commenter has gone through a lot and deserves a better friend.
NTA ⚠️ A friend’s joke turns hurtful
The comment says ‘NTA’, which stands for ‘Not The A**hole’. It advises the OP to go ‘NC’, or ‘No Contact’, with their friend ‘Alessia’ and her husband. It suggests that ‘Alessia’ was using the OP’s friendship to fund their IVF journey and adds that no true friend would have made the jokes that were made regarding the OP’s marriage.
NTA: A difference of opinion.
The commenter is not the a**hole, stating that there’s a massive difference between what Alessia said and the generosity of the OP. Their words suggest empathy and understanding toward the OP’s situation.
NTA. A 15-year friendship ends
The commenter is not the a-hole for ending a 15-year friendship with the infertile friend who had mocked them with an inside joke and called off a $12K donation. The commenter stands firm that it was not an inside joke but something said to laugh at them and that if the friend was truly fighting with infertility they would not make such a joke.
Friend calls off donation after joke !
The commenter declared the original poster (OP) NTA for feeling entitled to their friend’s donation of $12K.
Friendmocking leads to friendship breaking
The commenter found the woman’s behavior inappropriate and was astounded such a person would mock their infertile friend despite a generous $12K donation. The commenter urged her to never talk to the woman again.
Friendship tested ✋
The commenter empathizes with the woman who got hurt and suggests a correction to the sentence while concluding that the friend is not the a**hole in the situation.
Can money replace hurt?
The commenter disagrees with giving the woman another chance because it appears she only cares about the check, not about the hurt she caused. The commenter also expresses their disapproval of the husband’s anger directed towards Carol, not his wife’s words. They believe NTA (not the a**hole) in this scenario.
NTA: Don’t give them $$ ✋
The commenter says that the friend and their partner don’t value the original poster and that Carol exposed the friend for being an a**hole. The commenter urges the original poster not to give them any more money.
No joke with friends!
The comment is NTA (not the a**hole). The ‘friend’ was taking advantage of the situation and hurt the commenter by mocking her with an inside joke. The commenter had to know what was being said about them and if others can’t understand why the commenter is hurt, it’s their problem to pay for IVF.
Carol “Let the ‘go to hell'”
Carol is encouraging the commenter to cut ties with their friend who mocked them and called off a $12K donation after 15 years of friendship. She suggests the ‘go to hell’ as a polite parting phrase.
NTA Carol ❤️
Commenter affirms that the commenter is not an a**hole and expresses love for Carol.
NTA ❗️ Friend mocks and cancels donation⁉️
The commenter advises the woman not to talk to her infertile friend again because she thinks less of her than most people think of the people who annoy them at work. The commenter suggests the woman spend the 12k donation on treating herself to a first-class trip to the place she has always dreamed of visiting.
Carol’s the real friend!
Not The A**hole (NTA): this commenter believes that the infertile friend was using the other woman for her money and treating her as a joke, and Carol is the real friend.
Friend crosses the line
The comment was not a joke, but instead a pointed insult. NTA. The commenter, a woman also struggling with infertility, says that a comment like that would have been devastating and would have killed the friendship.
Good friend has your back
NTA. Carol is a good friend here, for having your back and supporting your decision. Alessia and her husband are not good friends and their behavior is toxic. Feel free to reward your good friend, Carol, with a lovely little break somewhere using part of the $12,000 donation they called off.
NTA: Friend using money?
The commenter expresses that they believe the infertile friend was using the woman for money, and that they are sorry the woman is facing such a situation.
Friendship gone wrong
The commenter declared that the situation was Not The A**hole, as the ‘friend’ was treating the original poster like an ATM and not respecting the boundaries of a friendship.
NTA: Jokes aren’t supposed ✅ be hurtful ☹️
The commenter suggested that not joking about such sensitive topics is important and that, given the $12k donation, the friend should only have expressed gratitude instead of mocking her with a joke that did not even have humor in it.
