A young woman has gone viral on TikTok, explaining what she means by having “ugly privilege.”
Despite receiving comments that she’s actually pretty, she insists that her term isn’t about being unattractive — it’s about the benefit she feels from not receiving male attention. And she’s not alone in thinking this way.
Clarifying ‘ugly privilege’
When she talks about “ugly privilege,” she expresses gratitude for those who call her pretty but clarifies that it doesn’t mean she thinks she’s unattractive. Rather, she’s noticed that men generally don’t find her appealing, and for her, that’s a privilege.
How she knows she’s not noticed
How does she know? Simple — men aren’t flirting with her, asking for her number, or asking her out. Men in public largely ignore her, and she feels relief from this lack of attention.
Response from other women
Surprisingly, her perspective resonated with many women. One woman commented, “I embrace ugly privilege and thank you for talking about this as I thought I was alone thinking like this.”
Feeling less seen in public
Another agreed, saying, “Yes! I saw a man look at me in a shop last week with slight disgust and I felt so glad I have ugly privilege and don’t receive the male gaze!”
Finding empowerment in self-rating
A commenter added, “So I agree with “ugly privilege,” like you’re not turning heads, however I think everyone can be a 10/10 (like a 10 version of yourself). There’s two rating scales: global and personal.”
Finally feeling understood
Izzy shared, “I’m tall, fat, and not that pretty in real life. I’ve always felt this; you just said it perfectly!”
Relief as the years go by
One woman chimed in, “Same! The overwhelming relief when men stopped creeping on me (cause they were usually older) after I hit about 25yrs… definitely a privilege.”
Trusting deeper connections
Another perspective stated, “TRUE. Plus, it’s safer to trust the love interests who really get close to you. If most people don’t find you attractive, they’re likely with you for more than looks.”
A helpful way to reframe
Iiene found a new way to look at things: “You know what?? This is such a great way to see it, thank you. This is a very helpful way to reframe not getting much male attention. And its true! I dont get harrassed, (sp) ever!”
Freedom in midlife
Casey shared her story: “I have been invisible to the male gaze all my life, save for a few occasions. It was hard as a young woman, but now in midlife, I feel free.”
Embracing weight as protection
Nadine reflected, “I gained a bunch weight after having my last two kids. No men following me in the parking lot, no cat calls etc. […] honestly, I don’t want that lol.”
The difference between online and real-life
Another woman confessed, “I have ugly privilege myself. Tons of male attention online, but in real life, no one even knows I’m alive.”
The factors of invisibility
Holly added, “There are a few factors contributing to ‘ugly privilege’: weight, height, age, short hair—all of these can make us invisible.”
Rethinking what matters
A realization followed: “For a large part of my life, I tried to be attractive to the male gaze. Now, that I understand ugly privilege, I’m (thumbs up).”
Seeing a different perspective
In a world obsessed with appearance and constantly striving for perfection, this viral conversation sheds light on a unique perspective — one that finds freedom and comfort in being unseen.
For these women, “ugly privilege” isn’t about self-deprecation; it’s a form of liberation from the pressures of the male gaze. It’s a reminder that not all attention is desirable and that there is value in feeling safe, unseen, and simply at ease in one’s own skin. It’s a privilege some never realized they had, but now, they wouldn’t trade it for the world.
