Navigating a relationship, particularly a romantic one, can be quite tricky. Sometimes, figuring out whether you’re genuinely happy or just going through the motions is hard. You may even wonder if you’re still in love with your partner or simply stuck in a comfortable routine.
If you’re questioning your feelings, therapist Jeff Guenther has shared some insightful questions to help you assess the state of your relationship. By answering these, you’ll better understand whether you’re truly invested in your partner or if things need some attention.
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Am I still attracted to them the way I once was?
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According to Guenther, one key sign of a healthy relationship is whether you still feel drawn to your partner. He suggests, “Knowing everything I know about them — the good, the bad, the quirks — if I bumped into them now, would I still be drawn to them?”
If your feelings have faded, it could be a red flag. He also asks, “Would I immediately swipe left and keep my options open?” This question encourages you to think about whether your attraction is still there or if you’re going through the motions.
How would I feel if a close friend started dating them?
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It’s crucial to step back and view your relationship from an outsider’s perspective. Guenther challenges us to ask, “How would I feel if my best friend was dating my current partner and I had never dated them?”
This can help you assess if you’d feel genuinely happy for them or if you’d feel the urge to intervene. If you feel discomfort or jealousy rather than happiness, it might indicate issues in your relationship that need addressing.
Do I feel drawn to other people outside of my relationship?
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Guenther suggests it’s important to ask yourself whether outside attractions, crushes, or flirtations affect your bond with your partner. He says, “Can I experience them in a cute and innocent way that actually fuels my attraction to my partner?”
If outside attractions pull you away from your partner or cause emotional distance, it could signal a lack of emotional connection that needs attention.
Do I keep parts of my relationship hidden from others?
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Another question is whether you hide aspects of your relationship from your friends, family, or therapist. Guenther explains, “Am I avoiding sharing certain things about my partner or relationship because I’m hiding potential red flags?”
If you keep secrets or brush off important issues, it could be a sign that you’re not fully engaged or invested in addressing relationship problems.
Are we growing together as a couple?
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Guenther emphasizes the importance of growth within a relationship. Ask yourself, “Do I feel like we’re growing together and challenging each other to evolve?”
He explains that if the relationship has become stagnant and lacks personal growth, you might have reached a comfort zone holding you back from deeper connection or progress. “Has the relationship become stagnant where I’ve hit my personal growth limit?” If so, it may be time for both of you to reassess your direction.
Am I genuinely excited about the future with them?
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Guenther encourages couples to evaluate their excitement about their future together. He asks, “Do I feel genuinely excited about our future together, or am I more excited about the idea of any kind of change, even if it doesn’t involve us?”
He advises you to consider whether you’re planning for a shared future or secretly daydreaming about solo adventures. A lack of excitement about the future could indicate that you’re no longer fully invested in your relationship.
Who do I want to share my successes with?
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Think about who you turn to when something great happens in your life. Guenther asks, “When something great happens in my life, is my partner a part of my inner circle that I want to share it with?”
If your partner isn’t one of the first people you want to share good news with, it could reflect a deeper issue. He suggests considering whether your partner is one of your go-to people for the highs and lows in life, not just someone you pass the time with.
Do the small annoyances get to me more than usual?
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Guenther suggests assessing whether the little things your partner does annoy you more than they should. “Am I more focused on what I love about my partner or do I dwell on the little things that annoy me?” he asks.
This question helps you consider whether you’re fixating on minor irritations or whether you can still appreciate the positives in your partner. If the annoyances are overwhelming, it could suggest a disconnect or frustration building up.
Do I still feel physically attracted to them?
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Even if the honeymoon phase has passed, Guenther encourages you to ask yourself if you’re still physically attracted to your partner. He notes, “If the honeymoon period is over, do I still feel attracted to them or am I just going through the motions without much magnetism or spark?”
If the spark is gone and you’re unwilling to make an effort to reignite it, it may be a sign that things need some work to rekindle your connection.
Do I feel emotionally safe with them?
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Lastly, Guenther stresses the importance of emotional safety in a relationship. He asks, “Do I feel emotionally safe and understood in this relationship, or do I keep certain parts of myself hidden to avoid conflict, judgment, or angry outbursts?”
Feeling emotionally safe is essential for a healthy relationship, and if you’re constantly holding back to avoid conflict, it could indicate a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.
By reflecting on these questions, Guenther suggests that even if you answer negatively to some of them, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over.
It’s an opportunity to become more mindful and possibly work on strengthening the areas that need attention.
Many people who watched his video on TikTok found these questions helpful in gaining clarity about their relationships, with one commenter stating, “I love these questions and reflections from you. They make me think and help me be more mindful of my relationship.”
