Relationships are hard, incredibly so sometimes. As a couple, you and your significant other will go through wonderful times, however, you will also sadly go through some difficult times. And, while there are problems you can overcome together, sometimes you and your partner will simply fall out of love.
One person on Reddit wanted to know what sort of things caused couples to stay together even when they had fallen out of love, by asking, “Redditors, who are not in love with their SOs, why are you still with them?”
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What ensued was the creation of one of the most heartbreaking Reddit threads of all time. Below, please find some of the most shocking and gut-wrenching tragedies that people had to share.
For The Sake Of Sick Children
“It just sort of became a habit, and when I realized I didn’t have the feelings anymore we had two young children and I didn’t want to break up the family, and later when when we tried couples therapy, this didn’t change anything, but our son was diagnosed with leukemia (2 years ago), so I felt we had to stay together until he was well. My ex didn’t agree and we were divorced this summer. My son is almost through the treatment and is doing fine.” — thomasmaaloe
This person went on to write that they are happier and more relaxed now than they have been for years. They also wrote that their children are coping well with the split, which is good.
Manipulation
“She had me convinced everything was either normal or my fault. Then she cheated and is playing the victim because I read some of her messages after I found out she lied. Now it takes a year to divorce where I live so technically still married for a year… Anyone reading this for personal reasons… Just get out” — Kingofglassppl
While it can seem like such a difficult move, it can be so much better to just end something as opposed to battle through in denial for years, knowing that something is wrong.
Because They Didn’t Want To Be Seen As The Villain
“From my SIL: ‘If I leave I’m the perpetrator – breaking up a marriage, wrecking a home, etc. and hurting and humiliating my kids, my parents, my in-laws – but if I stay I’m a victim of my miserable husband, and everyone wants to help victims.'” — Ewwbug
It is sad that some people have to see splitting up as a “taking sides” situation. Sometimes people simply stop loving one another, and people can split amicably. Sadly, however, this is not the case for everyone.
Because They’d Be Abandoning Their Partner
“Throwaway. I honestly don’t know. Because it’s been more than 25 years and it’s just easier to live as roommates than to go my own way, even though in a lot of ways that would be easier.
“Additionally, she would be royally screwed in so many ways. No real income, no place to really go. She wouldn’t be able to afford a nice place. I’d be perfectly fine but she’d be in a world of hurt. I don’t necessarily love her but I don’t hate her enough to do that to her. So I stay.” — Soon2BDeleted
There were a lot of people who commented that you only have one life, and you shouldn’t waste it being dissatisfied with your position. Most of the time, people can surprise you and are able to work through their own problems, and you shouldn’t feel unfairly responsible for someone else like this.
Guilt
“I was the one super in love. I don’t think he was. Once every 4 or 5 months, we’d have some sort of discussion. The last time, it was that he didn’t know if what we had was love. I should have seen that as a warning. But I convinced him to stay with me after an hour discussion.
“I think he felt guilty. I stayed with him through suicide attempts, drug-induced psychosis, and moved countries for him. I imagine he felt an incredible amount of guilt and stayed with me because of that. I think he cared for my well being maybe. But he wasn’t in love. And it’s painfully obvious now that I’m out of the relationship.” — Soggy_Nothing
Hopefully, this person will be able to move past this heartbreak and find someone who loves them back as much as they love them. Everyone deserves to be loved in a relationship.
What Is Love?
“I’m in a relationship for the last 14 years and what I have to say is, Love is amorphous, it changes what it is and is hard to pinpoint sometimes. Sometimes you will be mad at each other, sometimes you will share laughter and smiles and hugs and kisses, sometimes you will be underwhelmed, sometimes you will be bored… sometimes you will be full of pride and appreciation, other times you will take them for granted. sometimes the sex will be great, other times samey.
“But life goes on… can anyone truly say they are in love constantly and without interruption always, or is it something that ebbs and flows. I think the latter. But I am always loyal and feel allegiance to my partner and family, I always have the attitude that I am committed and we are on this journey together, and I certainly don’t want to be with anyone else! So that’s my 2 cents right now” — Fortunefavourthebold
I think this one raises a good question about what love is? For some people, that feeling of being loyal to one person, and sticking with them through the exciting and the rough patches is what love is.
Fearfulness
“My brother can’t stand his wife, hasn’t really been in love with her for about a year before their wedding. He talks about divorce to me when we’re alone but he’ll never do it. He thinks he’ll never meet anyone else being 32 with no social life. Plus there’s a strong possibility she might kill herself if they broke up, or at least attempt it. So together they’ll stay. I just hope they don’t bring kids into it.” — overlord2767
Having kids shouldn’t be a simple measure to try and save a failing relationship. You should only have kids if you are both ready to love and care for them.
For The Kids
“We have a special needs daughter, who doesn’t talk. Until she’s able to tell me that something happened and she can understand more complex ideas and situations, there’s no way I’m putting her in someone else’s hands.
“My husband and I just don’t mesh, he doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. For the most part, we can get along and even have fun doing things together with our daughter. But we haven’t been intimate in years. We’re both in our late 30’s. And we reasonably don’t have family to help. Although once she starts going to school full time, I believe I will have more options to do something financially productive with my time.” — poopieschmaps
Staying together for the sake of children was a shockingly common answer. It can be a real test for some parents when their children move away for the first time, as it can expose holes in a relationship that had previously been covered by their children.
Financial Restraints
“My cousin told me about 3 hours after he got married that he didn’t want to get married but now he was terrified he would lose his house and basically all his money (alimony plus child support) if they got divorced. I told him that he should have said something 3+ hours ago and he said he couldn’t. I then asked him, if this was such a big concern to him, why he didn’t get a prenup. His exact words to me were ‘Those don’t actually exist. They’re just made up for movies.’
“They’ve been married just over 2 years now and I’m pretty sure it’s only going to end if she leaves him or one of them dies. Considering he’s 26 and she’s 23 or 24, it sounds like he’s in for a long, miserable life.” — futurehofer
I don’t know what he meant about the “They’re just made up for movies” line, I’m confident that that isn’t the case!
Because If He Left, She’d Be Homeless
“My sister is a massive piece of s**t. Constantly calls her husband ‘limpie’ in front of people, in reference to his supposed limp dick. Tells him that she wishes he’d get in a car and drive off a cliff. I’m not saying she does this just when they are arguing, I mean she does this literally every single day, not even angry at him. He’s been dealing with this bullsh*t for 20+ years out of the 30 years they’ve been together.
“The reason he does not leave here is that she would be homeless if he did. She has a bunch of felonies for theft, identity theft, prescription forgeries, etc. She used to be a nurse, had a decent career. Now she wouldn’t be able to get a job anywhere. He knows that if he were to leave her, there’s a decent chance she’d die on the streets. Other than him, everyone has abandoned her at this point. Just a side note, he is an incredibly honest person. Never steals, does not do drugs, goes to work every single day and works hard.” — lookingforassistant
Unable To Imagine Life Apart
“Years back I was in a relationship with a woman who abused me physically, sexually and otherwise. And I did not love her, not for the last year or so when the abuse got worse. So why did I stay if it was so bad?
“Well, unfortunately—and this is true for abusive relationship as well as for mundane loveless relationships—people get wound up together and then it becomes very difficult to imagine your life without them, even if it’s not a good life. I guess people are better at surviving the current hardship than breaking away into the unknown. There’s a lot more to my story, and everyone story has its own details. But I think that’s the basic answer. You build a life with someone, it gets hard to throw that life away.” — ancisfranderson
Thankfully, this person wrote that they are now in a loving relationship and couldn’t be happier. Anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship, and as hard as it can be to admit when something like that is happening to you, you have to stay strong and stand up against these people.
For The Pets
“I had 2 dogs with my ex. He was a musician with a part-time minimum wage retail job, so I paid for everything, cleaned up after the dogs, cooked for the dogs on days where he was just too damned lazy to pick up dog food. I knew I wasn’t in love with him, but I loved the dogs and didn’t feel capable of leaving.
“I finally left him when I found out he was on tinder trying to hook up with other girls. First thing he did was post a picture on social media that I took on MY camera of him with our dogs. Caption is a long-ass paragraph about difficult it is to raise two dogs ‘all on his own'” — anaugustleaf
There was a surprising amount of people on the thread saying that they couldn’t leave relationships due to how much they loved the pets they had together.
Infatuation
“When I was in a relationship with my ex, I liked her, cared for her, been there for her when she needed and gave space if she needed (I don’t know if this is love). But she did none in return. She just said ‘yes’ and that’s it. She was only physically attracted to me, I guess. I don’t think she ever loved me. She broke up with me for nothing. One day she wanted me out of her life. So I left.” — The_Egomaniac
Love is more than just physical attraction. While physical attraction is obviously very important for most people, a relationship can’t just be built upon that.
Because It Was Easier To Stay Together
“We have 3 kids. We made a great team. She went with one kid one place and I took the others somewhere else. Whether it was after school activities, playdates, or shopping on the weekend, our ability to divide and conquer was amazing. However, we never went on a date. We never watched TV together and just barely slept in the same bed. We did separate things in our private time. We were never intimate. We weren’t even friends. Just two people in the same house sharing responsibilities.
“For 5 years I sacrificed my relationship because it made my life easier. It was miserable yet comfortable. I love my kids and that made me happy to see them happy. It made me happy that we were able to afford some luxuries for the kids that I can’t on my own. I was scared to end the relationship. I was afraid to live alone and afraid that I would never find someone else.
“My wife moved out last week. I now have to face those fears. I can be a single dad half the time. I’m still scared. But, I’m optimistic that my kids and I will pull through…” — skibumatbu
Fear Of Being Alone
“I moved to a new country by myself to start studying. Shortly after I moved I downloaded a dating app and starting dating this guy, in the beginning, it was great, we got along well, but there were a few things that really annoyed me.
“He’d invite me over but wouldn’t clean his room, so it’d be really dirty and uncomfortable. He’d chew with his mouth open even though I always asked him to stop and I was the one that always had to travel 1.5h to see him. I never loved him, I’m not even sure if I was even attracted to him. But I was scared of being alone, especially in the new country where I knew no one.” — stale_donut
If you’re at a point where you’re thinking “I never loved him, I’m not even sure if I was even attracted to him”, then you probably made the right decision to break up. And, while the fear of being alone is a powerful incentive to stay in a relationship, you’ll always be able to grow and meet new people.
“Life is not like that, a relation is hard work.”
“As others have said, it is impossible to love someone the same way every day. So it is normal that on some days everything is fine and on other days you are not sure how you feel, you don’t know what love is anymore, you feel confused and suffocated, but what really matters is knowing that you are unable to be disloyal or purposely hurt the person you have chosen to be your partner, and you know you can count with them when you are well and when you’re not.
“And when you think about the relationship you know you don’t want to be with anyone else. I think that the idea we have that love should be all romantic and roses is very wrong. Life is not like that, a relation is hard work. At the end of the day what matters is being there for each other” — Turquesazul
The Naivety Of Youth
“In my first relationship, I thought I had scored the jackpot. I was young and he was young and jacked and smart. He over-glorified himself and I just couldn’t see that. I looked up to him as a god, mainly because he kept saying I was bad at my studies and cooking and basically everything that I love to do. I thought I would never get someone better so thus I stayed. I thought I loved him, I thought that was what love was, but I was just proud that I had gotten someone ‘so amazing.’ I was stupid.” — eilletane
You weren’t being stupid at all. People who manipulate others are practiced at making you feel at fault. You got out of that relationship, and so you should look at it as a success over someone who wanted to hurt you.
Psychological Abuse
“I’m thankfully not in this relationship anymore, but out of fear that he’d do something to hurt himself. He threatened to do it when I first brought up that I wasn’t happy in the relationship, and he became incredibly manipulative.” — Imhavingalovelyday
A lot of people use this kind of manipulation over others to try and trap them into a relationship. You should never stay with someone if they threaten to do this. If they want to hurt themself, then that is on them and never you!
Mutually Beneficial
“Neither of us experience attraction but we still care deeply for each other. He’s my best friend! Also, the marriage was mutually beneficial.” — BintPlease
I guess the just being friends route worked for this couple, and if they’re happy then good for them!
A Final Thought On Love
“Being ‘in love’ seems like a state over which you have no control. I long ago made the decision just to love the woman who became my wife. Fortunately, she made the same decision about me. Romantic infatuation has faded, but our love for each other endures. It takes work to maintain, to avoid taking each other for granted, Love is not an emotion, it is a practice.” — grindermonk
I wanted to leave you with something which paints love in a more positive light! While these stories are obviously heartbreaking, most of them end with people feeling better at the end, and even finding someone else whom they really do love. Never give up on love, and never stop looking until you find that one person who you know you will love forever.
