When I found the AskReddit thread asking, “What’s the stupidest way you’ve hurt yourself?” I really tried to think of something of my own to share.
But I couldn’t think of anything. Now, I’m not saying I’m any better than the people sharing their misfortunes below — unless you count very selective memory as “better”.
RELATED STORIES
Really, these people have the better of me simply because they are being brutally honest with themselves.
I’d stick with “a wizard did it” as my excuse going forward.
Gazw87 said :
“I was leaning over a fence post trying to bend straight a nail I’d just miss-hit and bent. Only rather than use the claw of the hammer, I used the face of the head of the hammer, slipped off and smashed myself in the forehead, a good 15 years later and I still have a scar on my forehead like a shit Harry Potter.”
This guy was perhaps too thorough in his inspection.
“Broke my foot kicking the tires of a car I was considering buying,” said happyunrulyhuman.
That said, those tires were clearly top quality.
Kids are dumb — especially when they have others to egg them on.
“Alright, so my sister is only one year older than me and when we were very young (me 3, and her 4) we were in the bath together. I guess my mom thought this way was easier. She left to get something and my sister said that I should dive into the tub like a dolphin. Me, being the idiot toddler I was, decided this was a wonderful idea and dove right in. Had to get 3 or 4 stitches and a lifetime of stories told about it.” — observer32
This is why I’m glad I’m a fairly restful sleeper.
“I gave myself a black eye in my sleep. Rolled into the corner of the nightstand,” explained TerpBE.
Though I have rolled off the bed a few times.
You’re never too old for pizza rolls, but this is an epic fail.
lionorderhead shared :
“I went to take a plate of totinos pizza rolls out of the microwave. The plate was so f—ing hot that i dropped it. Molten cheese bounced up and was burning through my ankle. I went to stick my foot in the sink to run it under cold water as if i am flexible enough to stand on one foot and get my leg up that high. I fell backwards and cracked my head like an egg. I had a third degree burn on my ankle, second degree burn on my fingers and 6 staples to the dome. For f—ing pizza rolls at age 30.”
Who knew putting together a jigsaw puzzle was an extreme sport?
“I was finishing up this intense jigsaw puzzle, which was on a low table, so I spent the entire night crouching on the balls of my feet.
“The next morning, my right foot turned purple and swelled up to the size of a large orange. I was on crutches for a couple of weeks.”
So apparently, this can actually happen in real life.
tylerss20 freely admits that they sound like a cartoon character:
“I know it sounds very Looney Tunes, but I actually stepped on the head of a rake once and the handle hit me in the face.”
Speaking of Looney Tunes, there probably should have been better safety measures here.
Kasekopfen said :
“I once went on my balcony to smoke a cigarette, only i forgot there was no balcony anymore because it was getting fixed. So i broke my leg falling one story down. Now the real irony was, my mother wanted to fix the balcony because it was old and she was afraid it might break off and i might hurt myself.”
This is why teenagers shouldn’t have power tools without proper supervision.
“In high school I was showing off with a staple gun and accidentally stapled myself in the chest. THEN, when telling the story later, picked up a staple gun to demonstrate and accidentally did it again. I am not a clever person,” admitted observer32.
To be fair, a pretzel once almost killed a president.
“Cut myself with a pretzel. Twice.”
Since people needed more details, TheMidnightScorpion explained :
“I was eating some pretzels and at one point I guess one of them was broken in such a way that it was sharp enough to cut my lip.
“It happened again a few months later.”
This is why I just don’t bother ironing.
“I tried to iron a shirt while I was wearing it and burned my boob,” shared RhinestoneHousewife.
