When it comes to making decisions about raising your children, it’s usually better if both parents are on the same page. Of course, the world isn’t perfect, and people can have drastically different opinions, even if they’re married.
However, when it comes something as crucial and potentially life-saving as vaccinations, having a parent on either side of the debate can be pretty problematic.
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One woman who recently found herself in this exact situation with her husband is asking for the internet’s help: should she go behind his back, especially since it’s concerning the health of their daughter?
She shared her story with the people of Reddit in the hopes of getting some answers to her dilemma.
Posted to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole, the woman wrote that although she made sure all of her children were vaccinated growing up, she went through a period of time where she had doubts about the legitimacy of vaccines.
She’s also been pretty iffy over the HPV vaccine, and has been reluctant to let her children get it: ” It’s so new that I didn’t want MY kids to be the guinea pigs.”
However, her opinions on vaccines all changed after one of their kittens got a virus at the vet, and brought it home to the rest of their cats.
As the woman wrote,
“I literally watched what happens when some are vaccinated, and some are not. The cats that were vaccinated barely got sick. The young ones that weren’t vaccinated, and were healthy, were pretty sick, but made it out unscathed. The younger ones [with] health issues & the older ones that weren’t vaccinated were in bad shape. I even had to hospitalize & then put one down. All because I didn’t have them all vaccinated yet.”
Now pro-vaccine, the woman has been having a hard time dealing with her husband who is still firmly anti-vaxx.
“He’s convinced that vaccines are just a money grab,” she explained. “They’re full of a bunch of unnecessary ingredients, and he’s said something about them putting tracking devices in them.”
He’s so firm in his beliefs that they’ve reached a point where they can’t talk anymore; everything turns into an argument. So usually the woman just tries to avoid these kinds of conversations altogether.
That was working pretty well until their 17-year-old daughter came to her with a question.
After a recent visit to the doctor’s office, the teen had decided she wanted to get the HPV vaccination, but wanted to know what her mom thought about it.
“I told her, ‘It’s your body; your choice. You’re old enough now to make your own decisions about your body & your health. I recommend you go online and do some research, and decide for yourself whether or not to be vaccinated. Personally, I would get it, if I were you. But that’s just me.'”
Her daughter did research, just as the woman suggested, and then confirmed that indeed she wanted the vaccine.
Now all she needed was for her mom to make the appointment. But before she does, the woman has a bit of a dilemma she’s been grappling with: she hasn’t told her husband about the vaccine.
“If I told him she wanted the vaccine, it would certainly cause a huge fight,” she explained online . “I already have a million things going on, and I honestly don’t even feel like dealing with telling him, but I feel like going behind his back and doing it anyways, would be super wrong.”
The woman also offered up some background on her husband — namely that he isn’t a very involved parent.
As she wrote,
“He spends his days & nights either asleep, or on his phone. Which means, I’ve had to play the role of both mom and dad to them. So in many ways, I do feel like they are MY kids, rather than OUR kids. Which is the only reason why I’d even consider getting her vaccinated behind his back. But even so, it still feels wrong for some reason.”
So with everything considered, she just has one question for the people of Reddit: would she be an asshole if she brought her daughter to get the HPV vaccine behind her husband’s back?
The answer was a firm and resounding, “no”.
Many users pointed out that the teen’s health and body is her own choice, not her dad’s.
“If Dad doesn’t want the vaccine he doesn’t need to get it, but he has no right to restrict his mostly adult daughter from getting it,” this person wrote.
Another user added, “She wants a vaccine, she can have a vaccine, she’s old enough to decide. She did her own research came to her own answer.”
Other users offered up a solution that might work better for everyone involved.
Instead of taking the teen to her appointment, they suggested the mom let her go get the vaccine by herself, either at the doctor’s office or even at a pharmacy.
“If you want to avoid a massive fight I’d see if she can’ get a bus or friend to drive her so you’re just a neutral party,” this person wrote.
Above all else, users definitely noticed that the woman’s problem here goes far beyond whether or not to let her daughter get the vaccine.
After enough people asked why she’s with such an uninvolved man such as her husband, the woman finally responded.
“We’ve been together since I was 14, plus due to some health issues I’ve never been able to work,” she wrote . “So I think most of it is just fear. IfI could find a way to 100% support myself financially, it wouldn’t be quite so scary.”
Clearly she’s unhappy in her current, toxic relationship, and hopefully someday soon she finds the courage to leave him. What do you think of this entire situation? Are you on the mother’s side or is she in the wrong here? Let us know.
h/t: Reddit
