There are a lot of aspects of postpartum life that are downright unpleasant. Like, no one tells you how your nipples will be on fire the first week of breastfeeding, or that peeing will feel like torture.
The first postpartum poop is another uncomfortable side-effect of birth no one talks about. One mom decided to share her story and it is one of the funniest stories I’ve read in a long time. They do say laughter is the best medicine (or in this case, I guess, it would be a laxative).
Laura Mazza is a popular Australian mommy blogger.
She is the blogger behind The Mum On The Run and is known for sharing hilarious and candid stories about her life as a mom online.
Recently, Laura wrote a post titled “The First Poop”.
Yup, that’s what it was called and it’s where she recounted going number two following the birth of her third child.
“A lot of people have said that all Mummy bloggers do is toilet talk and speak about their bodily fluids. Well ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you, this post is no different,” she wrote .
For her last birth, Laura had a C-section.
Recovery from a C-section can be more intense and lengthy. It’s also common for women to experience constipation from the anesthesia and hormonal changes.
Laura’s doctors needed her to fart before she could be discharged.
Passing gas was a sign that her bowels were working normally. After taking some stool softners, the gas came.
“Somewhere between 3am and 5am I let out a butt salute, it was so loud and hard it vibrated my cheeks and woke me up,” Laura said .
However, the fart wasn’t enough to impress the doctors and nurses.
So they gave her a stronger laxative to get things, uh, moving down there.
It seems that the laxatives did the trick.
“There was a thunder storm in my colon and cyclone borborygmus was on its way and it was going to be explosive,” said Laura.
After going days without a trip to the loo, you can imagine that things were a bit messy.
Laura said, “…it came out like a wrecking ball. I miley Cyrus’d all over that bowl and let out four days of jelly and custard and disgusting broth.”
Yikes.
When it was all said and done, Laura said she felt, “10 pounds lighter”.
Honestly, that first postpartum poop is both a relief and extremely scary. In some ways, it’s worse than giving birth.
While this isn’t a conventional postpartum story, it was pretty entertaining.
I’m never going to be able to go to the bathroom again without thinking about Miley Cyrus, so thanks for that, Laura. LOL!
