Many moms who have newborns at home are not in the spirit of doing anything “extra” when it comes to the holidays. Having a brand new baby at home can be rough to begin with. If you’re a mom who has undergone a C-section, not only are you taking care of a newborn, but you’re also recovering from surgery.
Recently, one mom decided that after her C-section, she didn’t want to go through with her family’s Christmas tree tradition.
The mother wrote into the popular r/AmItheAsshole thread on Reddit, asking if she was wrong for wanting to ax the tradition they usually do as a family every year while she’s recovering.
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The mom shared that she is two weeks post-C-section and is recovering from her surgery and giving birth.
“DH [dear husband] wants to go buy the tree tomorrow night when he’s off work. I told him maybe we should skip the tree this year since we’re not planning a big Christmas celebration anyways, and just get a smaller, pre-lit fake one. He pulled out the ‘but tradition’ and I told him tradition can pause for a year,” she wrote.
The husband tried to guilt her into trying to do it “for the kids.”
“He then tried to involve the kids, saying they’d miss it. Oldest hasn’t believed in Santa in some time and cares more about getting her Switch games than a tree. The boys are so young I doubt they have any sense in the difference between a real and fake tree either,” she added.
She told her husband that she wasn’t going to be left to do the tree alone again.
“I told my husband I won’t be left decorating a huge tree alone until midnight. He swore that wouldn’t happen but every year after the lights are put on he vanishes leaving me to finish the thing,” she said.
If you’re wondering if the kids help, well, I think we all know the answer to that question.
“The kids help for all of five seconds before getting bored. That’s ignoring the money we spend on the damn thing every year,” she added.
However, her husband ended up getting incredibly “hurt” by his wife wanting to cancel a “tradition” they have done as a family.
“He was hurt [’cause] the tradition is one from his childhood that he wants to carry on. I feel bad but I told him he always leaves me the brunt of the work and I was DONE,” she said.
The husband even went as far as to say that it shoudn’t be an issue since the mom is on maternity leave anyway.
“He said it wasn’t as big of a task as I was making it out to be, especially since I was still on leave. I snapped and told him I would NOT be helping so he can do everything himself. He just shook his head and left,” the mom said.
She asked if she was wrong for wanting to cancel the tradition altogether while she is recovering and stressed out at home.
Many people said that this wife and mother is not in the wrong, and her husband is the one who is in the wrong as he is lacking compassion for her after giving birth.
People online said if the husband thinks it’s “not a big task,” he should be doing it himself.
“Let him buy the tree. And then dump all four kids on him and go for a walk/shopping/sleep/whatever. And ask him to decorate it while taking care of all the children — after all, it’s not as big of a task, right?” one person wrote.
Another person added that C-sections are not a joke.
“A C-section is serious business plus all of the other stressors of having a new baby and other young kids. Say it with me, maternity leave is not a vacation, it’s convalescence because you are supposed to spend the time recovering,” one person wrote.
Some said that doing away with the whole tradition was a bit wrong, though.
“Under no circumstances should you be moving around and trying to decorate a tree. You are not the asshole for drawing that line. Your husband was the asshole for implying you should. Denigrating the whole tradition that you know means a lot to him, was a dick move though,” one person said.
After the Reddit post received a lot of attention online, the mom provided an update.
She thanked everyone who read her story, offered advice, and confirmed that she was not in the wrong for how she handled this situation.
She said that she and her husband came to a compromise.
“He apologized after I explained how I’ve been feeling lately, and I apologized for being kind of a jerk. We agreed that this weekend he’s going to take the older kids to pick out and decorate a smaller tree, while I spend the weekend at my mom’s house with the baby, getting some r&r,” she said.
If there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that recovering from a C-section during Christmas and a pandemic is stressful enough.
It sounds like what this mom really needs for Christmas is some rest and she’s finally getting it.
What do you think? Did this family come to the right solution?
