Secrets of any kind in any relationship are never good. No matter what the intent behind them, the moment those secrets are revealed is usually the moment a fight starts. And for some couples, that can be a real make or break moment in their relationship.
After all, how can you go back to trusting your spouse when you know they’re willing and totally capable of keeping something from you?
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For one man, learning his wife had kept a secret from him sparked quite the argument.
In a post submitted to Reddit’s AmITheAsshole page, the man began by explaining he and his wife have been married for four years, and he just recently discovered that for four years, she’s been harboring a little secret.
Well, not quite “little.” But we’ll get to that.
It all started when the man was checking their bank statements to resolve an error that had come up.
While he was going back through their financial records, he came across something that left him feeling incredibly upset.
As he wrote , “I found out that my wife of 4 years has been having a secret savings account.”
Four years. Exactly the same amount of time this couple has been married.
That means that at the end of every calendar year since they said “I do”, the man’s wife has been auto-depositing 10% of her annual income into that secret savings account.
By the time he finally discovered what she had been doing, his wife had saved up an impressive $25,000.
Feeling betrayed, the man confronted her and demanded to know why she had been hiding the account from him for the last four years.
As it turns out, that money is essentially meant to be a sort of fail safe, for them as a couple, but also for the wife alone if she ever needs to become financially independent again.
“She says that she wants to be secured if something happened to me or if I started abusing her,” the man explained. “I find that extremely illogical and that it’s pretty bad that she’s been lying this whole time.”
After uncovering the secret savings account, he said he’s been left feeling awfully slighted.
After all, while his wife’s been squirrelling away cash for four years, he’s been depositing all of his income into a joint savings account the couple shares “since [they] both agreed to merge [their] finances.”
But his wife sees this discovery as a good thing, and even suggested her husband take a page out of her book and start saving 10% of his annual income in a separate account, too.
However, he actually has a different plan in mind.
After hearing her suggestion, the man “threatened to take 40% of [his] income(4 years times 10%) and put it into a separate account just for [him].”
This caused their disagreement to turn into a full-blown fight, with his wife accusing him of “financial abuse” and leaving to go stay at a friend’s house for a while. In the aftermath of all this, the man has implored Reddit to determine once and for all who the asshole of this situation really is.
But unfortunately for us, the jury’s verdict isn’t so cut and dry on this one.
Many users sided with the wife, claiming that it’s perfectly reasonable for anyone to keep a private savings account, just to be safe, particlarly if you’re a woman.
“It is extremely good advice for women to have an account like the one your wife has,” this user explained. “Especially if the women has less money or makes less then her partner.”
Another user defended the wife for keeping the account a secret from her husband for so long, writing , “The fact that his first reaction was to freak out suggests she had a pretty good reason not to mention it.”
They also believed the man was wrong to threaten to keep 40% of his own income for himself as revenge, though some clarification on where that 40% is coming from is needed.
“If he wants to start an equitable account now, fine,” someone said. “Seriously denting the finances in retaliation IS financial abuse.”
“If he takes 40% at once I’d assume that will have an effect on their finances – ability to pay bills that year for instance,” this person wrote. “Thus, she could be very negatively impacted. “=If he can take 40% of his income aside without any impact on their shared finances then fair play to him.”
However, other users said it wasn’t fair of the wife to have access to all of her husband’s income in their joint account, while keeping 10% of her own for herself.
As this person wrote,
“Yes, everyone should have a separate account, but if you and your spouse come to an agreement to put everything into a joined account, and then they secretly put money to the side while you’re contributing everything to the account, that’s an [asshole] thing to do.”
Some users even said they feel that both people in this particular situation acted poorly, though don’t believe no one is more the asshole than the other.
“They both went about this in the worst way possible,” this person summarized. “She agreed to joint finances, then hid money. He jumped to threats and they both just escalated whatever they each threw at the other.”
It’s almost important to note that the man replied to a comment and shared that his wife has previous been in an abusive relationship, which would certainly explain why she felt she needed to have a private savings account.
It does seem the couple has been unable to bounce back from their fight, though, as a recent update from the man claiming that they’re “probably getting a divorce.”
“She texted me with some uncomfortable news,” he continued. “She thinks our relationship can’t work because she feels I’m ‘abusive.'”
That’s the last update he’s given on the situation, so it’s unclear if they have formally ended their relationship over this secret savings account or not. So what do you think about this situation? Let us know who you think was in the right and who was in the wrong!
h/t: Reddit
