It really shouldn’t need to be said, but marriage is a two-way street, and no one person should have more say in a matter than the other.
In the olden days , husbands took it upon themselves to make every decision for their family, mostly because they believed their wives’ tiny, female brains couldn’t handle adult responsibilities outside cooking them dinner and washing their socks.
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But times have *thankfully* changed, and now the expectation is that each partner gets an equal say on matters that affect the whole family.
Of course, that’s only if they both actually feel this is a perfectly reasonable arrangement. But as soon as one person starts feeling like they should be the one in charge of all the decision making…well, that equal partnership goes right out the window.
Which is exactly what happened with this not-so-happily married couple.
The husband recently took to Reddit to share the news that he sold the family’s house — without his wife even knowing it was for sale.
In a post submitted to the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole, he explained that yes, he actually made this massive decision on his own. And no, he definitely doesn’t feel guilty about it despite the massive fight it has understandably caused.
But his question is, should he feel guilty? And more than that, should he also feel like a total asshole?
Before even delving into the matter, the husband wanted everyone to know a few things first.
He and his wife are both in their 30s and have been married for 10 years. The house in question was purchased while they were engaged, and his name is the only name that appears on the title.
The house also happens to be located in their hometown, where he says there are “little to no job opportunities.”
Why is this important? Well, for the past 11 months he’s been bitterly unemployed. And it’s definitely taking a toll on him, as well as his family.
“I’m fed up by the affect the lack of income had on me,” the man wrote . “My wife has a job and is currently pregnant with our second child, we have an 8 year old and things have been rough lately.”
Desperate for employment, the husband said he’s been spending all his free time trying to find work.
He’s even looked in nearby towns, although those jobs wouldn’t exactly be ideal, since he’d have a four hour commute every day. Still, he wouldn’t have minded that so much, except his search turned up empty and he’s still utterly, hopelessly jobless.
So he decided that desperate times called for (what else?) desperate measures, and the family would have to move.
Upon hearing that he expected everyone to uproot themselves, the man’s wife apparently “threw a fit.”
“She said she won’t agree to move out and away from her family,” he recalled online. “I told her that wasn’t my problem.”
He reasoned that since they have a baby on the way, it’s in everyone’s best interest to move to a brand new city so he could find a job, but his wife simply was not prepared to leave everyone and everything she knows behind.
To try and talk her husband out of his idea, she insisted that he doesn’t need to worry about finding a job right now since she’s still working and can take care of things.
But that didn’t sit too well with her husband who can’t just let his wife earn all the money, even if it gives him more time to find employment.
“I as an individual have a right to have a stable income of my own despite having my wife work,” he explained. “I have the right to have my own salary and why not since I will be helping with the money.”
The couple’s fighting over the matter continued, and the in-laws even got involved, insisting that the husband has “no right” to move their daughter and her children away.
But even with everyone, including his own wife, insisting that selling the house is not the solution that this family needs right now, the man simply wouldn’t let his mind be changed.
And since he had no support from his wife, he decided the best decision was to simply cut her out of the matter altogether.
Yes, instead of trying to come to some sort of agreement, this husband-of-the-year went behind his wife’s back and *sold their house*.
As he recalled in his post ,
“Yesterday, my wife blew up on me when I told her I’ve already contacted the realtor and he found me a buyer. My wife refused to sit down for a talk. And argued with me, yelled at me and called me selfish and awful.”
Personally I can’t *imagine* why his wife would ever be so upset!
After all, he just made an unbelievably huge decision for their entire family on his own by totally disregarding her feelings and essentially telling her that if she doesn’t agree with him, then she doesn’t get any say in the matter. Too bad, so sad, wifey.
What’s so upsetting about that?!
It’s unclear whether the man actually found a new home for his family before selling their current one, or if he’d even found a *job* before putting the place up for sale.
But what is clear is that no matter how upset he made his wife and her family, he still thinks he made the right decision because…well, he just didn’t like being unemployed. Or being a homeowner, apparently.
“My career helped me become independent. Losing my job made me absolutely devastated and miserable. I was told to do other things temporarily but I refused because this was so humiliating and disrespectful I didn’t work hard to get my degree just to end up working in some shop or sitting at home.”
In the aftermath of all this, the husband said his wife is refusing to sit down and have a conversation with him.
So rather than work things out with her directly, or realize that this clearly means what he did was wrong, the man has turned to Reddit to find out whether he was right to sell the house behind his wife’s back, or if he truly is the asshole in this situation.
Honestly, it should come at absolutely no surprise to find out that Reddit quite firmly declared him the asshole.
“I’d divorce you and move in with my parents if I were her. You are going to destroy your family,” this user fumed. “This is EXTREMELY irresponsible and EXTREMELY selfish. You have children. They come FIRST!!!! Your wife is 8 months pregnant and about to give birth. What the hell is wrong with you?”
Others pointed out that if the wife has been the sole breadwinner for the last 11 months, she’s likely been the one paying all the bills (including the mortgage), so what right does he have to sell the house without her knowledge or consent?
Then there were those who (in my opinion) quite rightly presumed selling the house was the man’s attempt at regaining some semblance of authority in his life.
After all, he hasn’t been earning money, and he’s taken quite the hit to his fragile ego having to let his wife support their family. So making the decision himself to put their home up for sale would be just what he needed to make himself feel like the man again.
“All because [he’s] too humiliated to work any job that is not within the field of his degree,” this person wrote. “YTA [You’re the asshole].”
Well, what do you think of this infuriating situation? Make sure to let us know!
