A concerned mother recently turned to Netmums for advice after clashing with her own mum over one key parenting rule. She’s teaching her nearly three-year-old about consent, especially with physical affection, but says her mum won’t stop kissing her daughter goodbye despite her objections.
Now, she’s torn between her gratitude for her mother’s help and her determination to set boundaries.
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In her post, the mother explained her struggle, saying,
“My daughter is coming up to three. I’m trying to start teaching her that her body is hers, and she can say no to hugs and kisses if she wants, but my mum is making it impossible.” She worries that ignoring her daughter’s “no” sends the wrong message about consent and bodily autonomy.
The mother added that her mum’s refusal to respect these boundaries makes it challenging to reinforce the message she wants her daughter to understand.
“She helps me out loads with childcare,” she admitted, acknowledging her appreciation.
However, she noticed that whenever her daughter refuses a kiss, her mum insists with phrases like, “Don’t be silly, of course you can hug your nanny,” before moving in for the kiss anyway.
She revealed that her mum dismissed the idea despite her attempts to talk about this.
She’s claimed that “a three-year-old doesn’t know what she wants” and that family should always be open to hugs and kisses.
Frustrated and seeking validation, the mother turned to other Netmums users, wondering if she was being unreasonable.
Some users were quick to disagree with her approach.
One bluntly responded, “You’re being ridiculous. Sorry to be blunt.” Another suggested that if she wasn’t happy with her mum’s care, she should find another childcare provider.
The responses reflected how sensitive and divided opinions can be when it comes to family boundaries and consent.
Others echoed these sentiments, pointing out that her mum, as an immediate family member, should be seen differently from strangers or even extended family.
One user argued, “It may be a good idea to teach your daughter that she’s allowed to say no to hugs and kisses from extended family, but not immediate family.” The notion was that a loving grandparent poses no risk and that the mother was possibly overreacting.
However, the mother did find support from some users who understood her concerns.
One commenter explained, “Your mum should respect her if she says no. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, but your daughter also needs to learn about respecting other people’s spaces.”
They saw value in teaching boundaries even within close family relationships, especially as a foundation for social interactions later on.
Other supportive users worried about the broader implications of ignoring a child’s boundaries.
One pointed out, “If your mum continues hugging and kissing your daughter even when she says no, she’s just teaching her that no doesn’t mean anything and it’ll happen anyway.”
They emphasized the importance of reinforcing that “no” should be respected, even by loved ones.
Another commenter touched on the broader issue of autonomy, saying,
“Just because she’s a child doesn’t mean she doesn’t get that choice. You’re sending a confusing message that she has to do it for some people but not others.”
This user suggested that the child’s comfort and choice in showing affection should be consistent, regardless of the family relationship.
The mother is left to weigh both perspectives and decide how to proceed.
Ultimately, her goal is to empower her daughter to feel in control of her own body, even if it means having a difficult conversation with her mum.
The question of where to draw the line between family affection and personal boundaries remains, and it’s a discussion that many parents may find themselves grappling with in the future.
