This husband’s request shows a much deeper problem in their marriage.
The Relationship_Advice Reddit Thread Strikes Again
The r/relationship_advice Reddit thread is an absolute goldmine in emotional dysfunction and interpersonal horror stories. Seriously, if you can make it through a few scrolls without losing complete faith in humanity, you might be the most optimistic person alive.
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A Terrible Request
One new bride shared an absolutely horrifying story about her husband. Apparently, after months of weirdly icing her out, he admitted that he wanted her to get Botox because he couldn’t bear the sight of her.
Botox is a popular anti-aging treatment.
Clostridium botulinum or Botox , is a toxin that once injected into the muscle, prevents it from contracting. Doctors use it to stop certain facial muscles from moving, thus preventing the skin from wrinkling.
Not A Joke
No, this was not a joke. There was no hint of anything but disgust in her husband’s request.
“I was stunned. Shaken. Hurt. I tried to brush it off, but it was the way in which he said it,” she wrote.
“Not jokingly or off the cuff. No, this was something that had been eating at him for weeks.”
“In my mind, every time he looked at me, he was judging me and thinking I was some hideously wrinkled creature.”
What Is His Deal?
She elaborated in the comments section, explaining that he’s been acting weird about it for months.
“Lately he’s been crying every day, saying it makes him feel better,” she said.
“We’ll have a nice couple of hours and then I’ll notice his mood change.”
“Last night he brought up Botox again, albeit trying to frame it in a lighter, easy-breezy manner. I asked him, what is it specifically that bothers you so much. He said — and I quote — ‘It (expletive) me up to see you smile or laugh.'”
How Do They Move Past This?
The woman has no idea how to move forward in their marriage after his uncaring request. She doesn’t want to get Botox but she doesn’t know how to overcome his request either. How will this effect them long-term?
“I told him that when I look at him, I see perfection. And why Don’t I deserve the same?” She asked.
“Are we perfect? No. But I don’t believe I’m anywhere near ugly enough to warrant my husband crying nightly because he feels ‘[expletive] up,'” She continued.
“At 31, if he already thinks of me as this old woman, how are we supposed to have children together?”
“What about when I AM tired and old and wrinkled? These are my ‘good’ years and I feel like I’m past due. How am I to ever feel attractive again? I now look in the mirror and can’t unsee what he sees.”
Botox can be preventative, but the decision to use it is always a personal one.
Although doctors say that starting Botox injections in your late 20s and early 30s can delay the onset of wrinkles, the decision is always a personal one. No one should ever be told that they need Botox.
Some professionals believe that it is detrimental to communication.
Some believe that the inability to properly emote through facial expressions can cause a breakdown in communication via body language.
People Were Horrified
While the r/relationship_advice threads are usually hotbeds of debate over who is in the wrong in the situations, but in this case, everyone was in agreement: Her husband needs to check himself.
Some Were Sure It Was Fake
Her husband’s request is so unreasonable that there are even people claiming that the original poster has to be a troll. Surely no one is this awful, right?!
There Isn’t Much To Be Done For Their Marriage
But if this is indeed the case, then people have plenty of advice for her, and most of it is that he needs to figure out what he wants out of this marriage.
He keeps you on edge for months, wakes you up in the middle of the night in tears, cries every day, and hates seeing you smile and laugh. Because he wants you to have Botox? This. Is. Insane.
He Need Serious Therapy
Others have pointed out that this man needs to go to serious therapy. A request like this and how much it is affecting him is the sign that there is a much deeper issue. Plus, if she gives in with this request, more will definitely come.
“I would never be able to look at my husband and smile again if he said that. And if you get Botox for him, he’ll feel comfortable asking you for the next thing.”
A Master Manipulator
Another commenter wanted to know how long he had been behaving this way, because this is not the kind of behavior that just pops up overnight.
“I am a little curious how long you dated, because you didn’t just suddenly wrinkle up,” they wrote.
“To me, this feels calculated and manipulative, an isolation mechanism. Is there any history that suggests he is controlling?”
“I definitely wouldn’t run out and get Botox, but I am struggling with which I would seek out first, a therapist or an attorney.”
“Honestly, letting you find him crying, and the everything is normal and then the grey cloud is back?”
“Like he is baiting you: “See? It could be good again, but then you laughed too much” and now I go sulk and cry in the corner because you won’t get Botox,” they speculated.
Another Issue
Others pointed out that the Botox probably wasn’t the real issue.
Yeah… something else is going on. Cheating, mental illness, some sort of phobia…. but it’s not laugh lines.
She admits that he has self-image problems.
“I think he thinks he looks much younger than he actually does,” the poster wrote. “He’s told me he thinks people look at us and think it’s a mismatch. But then he also will tell me he thinks I’m more attractive than he is. I’ve told him that I think this all has nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own self-image.”
But it still hurts.
“It still hurts when I receive the jab.”
Probably Unfixable
The general consensus seemed to be that this relationship was beyond fixing. She should probably cut her losses and get out.
“My only advice to you is to run. This man sounds insane — crying for weeks because he wants you to get Botox is far from normal behavior. What next? A tummy tuck? Boob lift? You deserve someone who looks at you like the sun shines out of your (expletive), not someone who wakes up in the night sobbing because he spotted a wrinkle.”
