Mom Forced To Tears After Discovering Nurse's Judgmental Notes About Her On Baby's Medical Report

When you're a new mom, emotions are naturally running high. And it doesn't help that your body is going through massive hormonal changes. So it's perfectly understandable that this mom would be upset at a nurse's notes about her.

It Does Seem Judgemental

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The mom described part of what the nursing staff wrote: "Requested my baby's medical notes after a prem birth. Found a part where they started a visiting log as they felt we didn't stay on the ward long enough, that I wasn't talkative enough and that my husband 'rarely visited.' "

Maybe She's Just Not a 'Talkative' Person

Some noted that the nurses were just doing their job, taking notes about who's coming in to the room and who's leaving. But why is it important to note whether the mom is "talkative" or not? That's rather baffling.

Mom Left 'Distraught' By Nurse

"I feel distraught by this notion that at my most vulnerable when I was trying my best I was judged as somehow not good enough," she said. But thankfully, she has support from plenty of other moms with similar situations.

We're Not There To Confirm Exactly What Happened

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Plenty of moms chimed in to help her realize that she's not the only one going through this. "Some people have no idea of how tough it is and how people cope differently. My dh was in complete shock," says one.

Support For Just the Mom Is Helpful

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"Mums aren't offered a lot of support with how they are coping," wrote one. "Maybe they are just observing how you are coping and making sure you are doing ok." She suggested that maybe she could talk with another nurse, though it's probably too late for that at this point.

'Big Brother'

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And it sounds like the sheer amount of note-taking seemed extreme to some moms, one saying that when she was in the NICU with her son, the observations felt like "Big Brother."

Both Parents Often Have To Work

Mumsnet / CafeMom

Another mom, who gave birth to twins in the neonatal intensive care unit, could totally relate to the husband having to work. Not everyone can have a great maternity leave plan. "I do know what it's like. It's hard and it's crap," she wrote. She thought it might be best if the mom could try to just move past it, though it's probably pretty difficult.

A Lot To Handle

According to CafeMom, others still shared their experiences in the NICU. One mom says she felt "emotionally split" since she had other kids to care for as well. "This was the worst part of when my son was in NICU. I felt emotionally split, as I had an overwhelming instinct to stay with my baby and also I couldn’t stand to be apart from my other children."

An Apology In Order?

And as we noted in the beginning, the mom just gave birth. She's pretty vulnerable at this point, so any new issue that arises can be bothersome. "Also physically and emotionally healing from birth didn’t help. Your situation is far harder than mine was so I have a lot of sympathy for how you are feeling. I completely understand how hurtful that comment must be and I feel like you are owed an apology and explanation."

She Should Make Proper Complaint

If this mom finds out exactly who wrote the bothersome notes, then she could bring a complaint to the NICU ward or however they receive feedback from patients. But until then, there's not much else she can do.

Just Like Starting Over

But would all that effort be worth it? Possibly. She may have to sit down with someone at the hospital and go over what has been bothering her, and point to specific parts of the complaint. It's a process.

Real Change Takes Time

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We would hope the complaint leads to actual change, or even a reprimand, if that's what is determined by the hospital. We're only getting one part of what happened, so we can only speculate.

Time Can Mend

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Would it be easier on her if she just lets it go? Only she can decide. If thinking about it continues to stress her out, then by all means, take some kind of action. But sometimes time can smooth things over.

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