24 Things That Made Me Think, 'Stop The Planet, I'm Getting Off'

Now, I don't want to be dramatic or anything, but every single one of these pictures makes me want to scream into a pillow, in a cave, on Mars, because even that is better than anything these people are doing on Earth.

You hear me, Elon Musk? I call shotgun on the next ride out of here.

1. This is how I imagine pretty much any person who bases their life on being a fan of a celebrity on Tumblr.

Reddit | mockeryofethics

Listen, I'm all for the kind of female craziness they endorse in country music, but I draw the line at doing this kind of thing preemptively.

2. It's a little-known fact that mementos are imbued with extra powers if they come at the expense of a small child's joy.

Imagine getting famous online and it's for doing this to some poor little fan? This is the kind of person Disney would look at for a villain and say, "Nah, too evil."

3. Here we see a fusion of two of the worst kinds of people on the planet — people who do "pranks" for the internet, and people who make messes in stores on purpose because "they pay people to clean that up."

Imgur | Imgur

4. You've heard the expression "too clever by half"? Well, this is too clever by, I dunno, like four times over.

Reddit | ToastyBooty

Here's a tip: If your signage is so stylish that you need a Rosetta Stone and a degree in hieroglyphics to understand it, maybe you should stop trying to be so cute and just tell me about the burger.

5. Technically, they only promised pepperoni, not pepperonis. The extra two are a bonus.

Reddit | drewsoulman

I'd hate to see the kinds of corners they'd cut if you order the cheese pizza instead. I'm imagining the hidden pieces are just hanging out the back of the box with the sauce showing.

6. Is it just me, or does this portrait looks like someone tried to draw the ghost of Angela from The Office?

Imgur | onefishtwofishredfishbluefish

How would it ever enter someone's mind to get a painting commissioned of them as a gift? Are her grandparents 250 years old?

7. How to obliterate your credit score in one easy step.

Imgur | spin317

There was a time I was innocent enough to believe that this sort of thing was just a joke, then I had a Facebook friend share their driver's license on their wall. Then she got real salty when people pointed out that's a good way to get your identity stolen.

8. There isn't a single part of my brain that doesn't hurt from reading this.

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

It's a joke, right? Can someone please claim this and tell me it's a joke? I don't care if it's actually you, I just need to feel better.

9. All the celebrities got called out whenever they sported a camel toe, so I decided to wear two of them.

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

Now Paris Hilton ain't got nothing on me. Man, whatever happened to Paris Hilton? And how did we get her in this caption?

10. For every warning label out there, there's some perv who made it happen.

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

Can I just say that there's less than a 0% chance that I'm going to put something on my equipment that advertises itself as being "twisted?"

11. Can anyone explain to me why this cake looks like it's made out of my grandma's fancy Bible that I'm not allowed to touch?

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

And that's to say absolutely nothing about the gilded poop on top of it.

12. I've always wondered why people stretch their ears. Now we finally know the answer.

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

What kind of animal is this, anyway? A gearbil? A hamstear? I know it's not a guinear pig.

13. At the heart of it, I understand why this is sweet and kind of adorable, but at some point, someone should have stepped in and said "no."

Twitter | @girlposts

After all, this looks like this person's fingernail is haunted by the ghost of a small child.

14. Sometimes you can be doing your very best, and still end up feeling like you want to leave the planet yourself.

Twitter | @MakVest

I'm pretty sure no one would blame you for quitting your job and moving to a new state after a run-in like this one.

15. You know how in group projects, there's always that one person who shows up, does none of the work, but gets all of the credit? This is like that, but in smoothie form.

eBaum's World | eBaum's World

16. This drawing puts the sketchy in sketch.

Twitter | @kittyyyee

I know that doesn't work grammatically, but look at this thing. It's...what's the opposite of "on fleek"? Off fleek? On flunk? Yeah, we'll go with that.

17. They say there's no such thing as bad publicity. They, in this case, couldn't be more wrong.

The Chive | The Chive

I hope that they're in a feud with a rival glass company and they keep busting each other's windows to make the other one look bad.

18. Imagine driving down the street, and all of a sudden you see this.

The Chive | The Chive

There's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well just take a picture and throw it up on Snapchat with the caption "issa apocalypse."

19. At first, I was like "What in the world?" and then I was like, "Oh wait, that's just the girl who plays Miranda Sings," as if that actually explained what was going on.

The Chive | The Chive

20. This wouldn't be anywhere near as funny if she didn't have that unbelievably smug look on her face.

Reddit | Kinder_Surprises

Ruth's been strutting around, thinking her oatmeal cookies are all that. It's nice to see her brought down a peg.

21. A valuable life lesson we can all learn from.

Twitter | @RagooRebzz

Okay, but is it just me, or does she look like she fell asleep on top of a really small piece of French toast?

22. I mean, sure, we've all thought about it when we leave a behemoth in the ol' porcelain throne, but no one actually does it.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

True story: I used to work in a cell phone store, and I once had a guy hand me his phone and ask why it wasn't working. His follow-up sentence was to not look in the photos because there were a lot of pictures of poop in there. I have no punch line, I just needed to tell somebody about that.

23. There are plenty of ways to let it be known that you're kind of a racist dirtbag, but this one is certainly the pettiest.

Imgur | Imgur

I'm going to assume they just felt challenged at having to do math, so they balked by being a dink.

24. Just like with the apocalypse thing, it's everyone's first priority to make sure Snapchat knows the bad news. 

Imgur | Imgur

After that, we'll say something in the family group chat. Anyone who needs a phone call can just read about it in the newspaper.

25. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Reddit | xyzjoysibar

Heinz tomato ketchup is an elixir sent to us directly from heaven, but that doesn't mean we should mess around with it too much. Dip your fries into it. Turn it into a chip flavor. Just don't do this.

26. From heartwarming to just plain depressing.

Reddit | [deleted]

Ahh, what a heartwarming story! A family's insurance won't pay for something vital so they have their needs met by a bunch of high school robotics nerds. There's nothing troubling about this at all.

27. I can't imagine being *that* lonely.

Reddit | AerisPryde

Look, to each their own and all that, but when I order coffee, I just want a lid that I can trust to not spill all over me...not a lid that kisses me back.

28. Some images just can't be unseen.

Reddit | headintheceiling

The cast of The Today Show dressed as their favorite Peanuts characters. They're all there, too: jaundiced nightmare falcon, bald cap worm head, swirly forehead man and even dumpy doghouse ghost!

29. Who is Brenda and what did she do to you?

Reddit | [deleted]

Getting someone's name tattooed on you isn't for everyone, but it's a common enough thing. This guy's either overly obsessed with Brenda, or he just really likes how that name looks in different typefaces.

30. Hang around for the deals.

Reddit | robertjames70001

Y'know, this almost makes sense. Floor space was probably at a premium and there was no extra space for mannequins. Yeah, that totally makes this image less creepy.

31. I'm glad I didn't live in the 1930s.

Reddit | EyeDrops4Cyclops

I mean, not only would you have the Great Depression to deal with, you'd also be super old or dead by now. On top of that, this is the kind of toy that was given to babies back then.

32. This is what your tuition buys you.

Reddit | Anthonyraym122

This is a washroom on campus somewhere. So let's get this straight: tuition is out of control and isn't even guaranteed to land you a good job. Now it won't even pay for paper towels.

33. Pizza deserves more respect than this.

Reddit | Demon357

Some internet edgelord did this to trigger me, and it totally worked. An oven allows you to heat up a slice, the stovetop allows you to pan-heat it, and you do this with it?!?

34. Eyegirl and Earman, a match made in hell.

Reddit | notarobotwhat

This is a perfect example of what happens when someone falls in love with a particular design. Like, maybe it could look good, but not when the poor groom's head is mostly ear.

35. Maybe bears aren't so cute after all.

Reddit | ConsoleScrub101

I've always thought bears looked pretty snuggly (despite them being, y'know, super deadly). But this image of a black bear without fur has pretty much ruined everything about bears for me.

36. Does that say Dwigt Rortugal?

Reddit | PersephoneComfortInn

I'm going to put aside the obvious ludicrousness of some of these names to advance the theory that The Office got some ideas from here. Remember former manager Ed Truck? There's his brother, Mike. Remember Michael's typo, 'Dwigt'? Also here.

37. That sounds like it'll get messy.

Reddit | hail2thecabbage

Even if you can abide by this mass murder, it's going to be an absolute mess. I mean, you're effectively doubling the number of people if you cut them all in half.

38. Just go ahead and trademark everything.

Reddit | yllowsubmarine_

I guess Kylie Jenner put a trademark on the phrase "Rise and shine", which means we'll all have to find something new to say when we want to obnoxiously get people out of bed.

39. Don't unleash the derp within.

Reddit | bmess216

This kind of tattoo, done well, is still pretty cringey. That's not to say that this tattoo was done well in any respect. Just look at the way the eyes align.

40. I like that the headline clarifies that he's married.

Reddit | f9pp

That means this guy has a partner, somehow. Imagine having 76 grand and spending it all to make yourself look like this. You could have afforded, like, a boat or something.

41. I think I saw that in Men in Black.

Reddit | Terom84

I don't think this is the end result this person had in mind, but I happen to think it's an improvement on the original, especially if you like things that are lowkey horrifying.

42. Which way is up?

Reddit | FlameGod75

Imagine being directed to the guest bathroom, maybe after having a few pops, and finding yourself here. Vertical and horizontal no longer exist as concepts. You're in the diagonal zone now.

43. Is this how earwigs got their name?

Reddit | MicrowaveYourDreams

As someone who uses earbuds all the time, I now have a new phobia to contend with. My only solace is that I don't happen to live in Australia.

44. Paint some sexy little trees.

Reddit | unrefinedusername

Bob Ross is a national treasure, and I don't want to see his legacy ruined like this. Ehh, then again, the world is messed up enough as it is. I suppose a Sexy Bob Ross costume isn't going to hurt anyone.

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