Though none of us ever want to be wronged, there is a satisfaction that comes with fantasizing about the perfect revenge. The clever plan, the way it would all fall into place, you've got it down to the letter.
While we're unable to exact our own revenge for we are lacking a victim, the people in this list shared on Reddit's r/pettyrevenge community the times they got their opportunity for payback and how satisfying it was.
"Not me, but for my wife. When we were younger and kind of on hard times, she took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least 5 or 6 times. Even open drinks. I was pretty pissed, a lot of times I would grill for her or make her lunch, and she was going hungry. One night I bought a big Gatorade and a box of those women's laxatives, both red in color. Couldn't tell the two were mixed, but we found out who the thief was."
"Crossing at a busy downtown intersection, a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller (she had the right of way). I slowed down, but the guy next to me straight up stopped in front of the car, then bent down to re-tie his shoelaces."
"My dad had an old truck parked on the back of our property that some kept stealing small parts from (cap, rotor, points, etc). We wired it to an electric fence power supply. One evening we heard a bunch of yelling and swearing and went back there and the guy left us some free tools."
"I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week, and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn't leave her car alone."
"My brother did something to his annoy his then girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food? Kinda hilarious."
"This guy insulted me so I found a notebook he left in class, and left it in the bookshelves and covered it with books so he could never find it."
"We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she'd cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever."
"A young guy down the street was constantly speeding through the neighborhood. He gets home from work around the same time every day and always rips it down the street to his driveway. I called the city and had a cop come out and do radar. He got a dangerous driving charge and stopped speeding around here"
"My company has a password policy that locks your account after 3 wrong password attempts. A few times when someone irritates me I'll lock my computer, switch user, and enter their username with a wrong password 3 times so they get locked out. Now they have to deal with help desk to unlock their account."
"One of my roommates kept stealing my pop tarts so I ordered a little UV fingerprint powder off Amazon and dusted it over the packaging. Next time a poptart got stolen I checked all of my roommates door knobs for the powder with a black light and found out who was stealing my breakfast. Alex you still owe me a box of cinnamon frosted pop tarts you [expletive]."
"I used to manage a Starbucks when one of my baristas asked a guy his name and he just flipped the [expletive] out belittling her, called her stupid etc and didn’t give a name. Anyway I take over the hand off drinks and place his drink just on the hand off with no words. [...] I just keep putting drinks out for about 10/15 minutes and [expletive] walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm and goes 'is this mine?' I just respond with 'I don’t know it doesn’t have a name on it'."
"My mum and her friend had a massive fight, and my mum's friend sent a letter to my mum scolding her and pretty much saying 'We're no longer friends' and my mum, as an Ex-Teacher, took out a red pen, corrected all the spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes, and mailed it right back to her."
"Guy in an El Camino was aggressively tailgating me in the slow lane. On the highway. Traffic was light so he could have passed easily. I’m in a SUV. I see metal debris in the road ahead of me. I know I can clear it and do. He wasn’t so lucky."
"I had a roommate who used a lot of spoons (he ate a lot of pudding, soup, ice cream, yogurt, etc) and would never wash his dishes. I was tired of washing his dishes so I let them pile up in the sink until we got to the last spoon. This one I washed and hid in my room each time I used it."
"Went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said what are you doing? I said, I paid for it I’m taking it home. And I did."
"Grounded yet again by my Angry Dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do I flicked the light switches on and off (pre-mobile era folks, we had to make our own fun...). It was then I discovered that this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next 5 years of petty revenge...
"Angry Dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time, he never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV."
"I wear hearing aids, and a girl in my high school math class used to make fun of me. I had not said two words to her and gave her no reason to do it, she was just being evil. I recorded her mocking my hearing loss on my phone and played it for her parents. They took the new car they just bought her back to the dealership."
"My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life."
"I had a roommate in college that would blare their tv in their room and talk loudly on speakerphone well into the night. I was young and too big a [expletive] to confront them about it. After a semester I had had enough. One time before going out I put my speakers up against our shared wall and blasted Enya’s Only Time on endless repeat. I also locked my door so they couldn’t come in to turn it off. I got back around 3am."
"My friend’s Sprite kept getting stolen even though she wrote her name all over the can. Finally after the fifth time it happened she got a habanero, cut it open and rubbed it all over the top of the can and left it in the fridge. We found out who the thief was when that afternoon we hear the office drama queen shriek in her cubicle and run to the water cooler. She never stole anything again."
"I have a friend whose pumpkin\fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. happened every year. my friend decided to put a stop to it.
"He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest [pumpkin] he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. Filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display. The jackass broke the axle of his s****y car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away, my friend had his car towed away, too."
"My coworker sometimes throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it.
"Every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice."
"When I was a kid our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up so he got an 8 foot I-beam and buried it 4 feet down and filled in the hole with Quikrete.
"Next time it got hit, the a-hole wrapped his car around it. Like the mail box / pole was sticking out of the middle of his car. After that [the] mailbox was [never] hit again."
"I had an old roommate that hated tuna and was over dramatic about how much she hated it whenever someone made it. She was the most irresponsible person we'd ever met and wouldn't do her own groceries and expected us to share our food with her.
"We started cooking with tuna a lot so that she wouldn't eat our food, and eventually she stopped throwing bitch fits about the smell and would leave the house. We started referring to Tuna as b****-be-gone."
"I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently often times during the week. One day my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to piss on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down giving him a frozen disc of piss, he then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entry way.
"Woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who pissed on the floor what the f*** was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn't and eventually got evicted."
"My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. [...] One day she left $40 scattered with the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers. Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless.
"Afterwards, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I'd found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that her bathroom piles never got quite as big."
"In response to a (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks in the perpetrators room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. Last one was hid in the ceiling."
"My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend is so petty he did many things...such as:
"Placed fake for sale ads with too good a deal like a nice boat for 1000$ and other numerous ads with the guy's number.
"Our city is big on garage sales. He posted ads like 'moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the door bell,' then put this guy's address on the ad.
"He also signed him up for numerous 'free gym memberships' and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guy's phone number."
"At my previous job, we had separate refrigerators for the different shifts. Our food was constantly constantly being stolen or messed with. One day, my buddy and I decided to make a nice cherry cheesecake...out of cooking lard. We finished it off with graham cracker crust and cut a couple of slices out of it since we knew the thief wouldn't be brazen enough to take the first bite. We never found out who the thief was, but we never had to worry about anyone messing with our food ever again."
"There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Always taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). [I] drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.
"I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is double parked again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. [...]
"The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot."
