Divorce Lawyers Reveal The Wildest Ways Spouses Have Screwed Each Other Over

Some divorces can be very straightforward simple affairs, however, some can be terribly insane and drawn-out!

One person took to Reddit to find out some of the craziest divorce stories out there, by asking, "Divorce lawyers of Reddit, what is the most insane (evil, funny, dumb) way a spouse has tried to screw the other?"

And the internet responded with some truly insane stories, the most baffling of which have been gathered below! (Please be aware that some of the stories below contain instances of abuse, so please read with caution!)

Pettiness Level: 100

Unsplash | Lily Li

"My divorce lawyer told me about a case she was involved in where both clients were so petty that they had to all meet to argue over literally every single scrap of everything. The final object that neither would settle on was a ceramic rabbit statue, a really generic one from Home Depot or whatever. Zero sentimental value but since it was the final item, neither side wanted to 'lose' the last thing and they dragged it out over 3 separate meetings for this one thing.

"I don't remember which ended up getting it, but once they settled it and signed everything, the 'winning' party stuck it on their lawyer's desk as a gift and walked out." ⏤ Much_Difference

I cannot imagine how tempted that lawyer must have been to just "accidentally" lose that rabbit statue so that it would all be over.

Lying To Their Spouse For Child Support

Unsplash | Ben Wicks

"[One] case that came in was a couple divorcing on mutual terms, the husband had one child with her and the wife had a child from the previous marriage. He agreed to pay child support for both children, I guess he really cared about this other enough to support her even though it isn't his obligation.

"Judge signs the order, they go to set up the child support account and it gets kicked back saying you can't have two accounts for one child. Turns out she's been collecting child support from the biological father the entire time and never told him. She basically tried to milk two fathers for one child... and the other attorney knew about it." ⏤Dikutoy

Taking All The Knobs

Unsplash | Djim Loic

"Once had a boss who had to leave his house for 6 hours while his ex-wife grabbed all the belongings she was legally entitled [to]. When he returned home every knob and handle was gone. Door knobs, cabinet handles, drawer handles, anything that was screwed onto something and used to open it, she had taken." ⏤JortsEnthusiast69

Apparently, for the next few weeks, their boss would just randomly scream out, "SHE TOOK THE F**KING KNOBS?!"

Stealing Their Cats

Unsplash | Raul Varzar

"Friend got divorced from insane husband. He had been texting her pics of the gun he bought and threatening her. She allowed him to go get his stuff from the house. She was scared to go back to the house alone so I went with her. When the door opens we noticed all of the furniture was gone. So we carefully went upstairs in search of her cats. The entire second floor was empty. No cats. No furniture. Even her clothes were gone.

"Finally found the cats. He had taken them to another vet in town and put them up for boarding under his sister's name thinking she would not be able to find them. He was finally forced to disclose what happened to her possessions. He had them taken to a storage unit far away from the home." ⏤JillAustin

I am just baffled that people could be so evil to one another. No matter how many stories that I read, I am still shocked.

Conspiring Against Their Spouse With A Family Friend

Unsplash | Aaron Burden

"This happened with my parents. We had a family 'friend' who was a lawyer and my parents agreed that he would be the lawyer for them both as a mediator. So, as the assets were being divided my dad got absolutely slammed. She was going to get the house, cars, half his retirement, and an insane amount of alimony. My dad has a good job as a municipal employee, but it was probably 70%ish of his paycheck.

"Turns out that my mom and the 'family friend' had conspired to rip my dad off and make it seem like that's what a divorce settlement looks like. She was going kick back more money under the table afterward. Dad just didn't know how these things worked. So, after some convincing, he finally went out and got his own lawyer. He got a very fair divorce settlement after that." ⏤wowitsclayton

This person went on to say that they still don't talk to their mother much and that their mother can't figure out why.

Threatening Their Spouse

Unsplash | 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič

"Had a client whose wife wanted him out of the house. I told him not to leave, just move to a different bedroom for the time being because once he was out the chances of him ever getting back in were slim.

"He texted his wife and told her he was staying in the house. She called back and left a VM that she wanted him out and if he wasn't out soon, she would start taking out her unhappiness on the children, and would remind the children that mommy was being mean to them because daddy wouldn't leave." ⏤Armada5

This lawyer went on to say that the things people will leave on voicemails never ceases to amaze, writing, "You wouldn't believe the things people leave on VMs. I had one client call his wife and threaten to cut her head off in [a] VM. He was drunk, but still."

Using A Cat As A Weapon

Unsplash | Manja Vitolic

"I was an assistant for a family law practice, not a lawyer. So it was already a disaster of a divorce because the ex-husband was a dick. But it got so much worse when the wife started dating someone new with a severe cat allergy like a year after they split up.

"Her psycho ex bought a cat on his time with the kids, except he's not allowed pets at his apartment. He sends the kids back to their mom’s house with the cat and all its stuff. Mom is pissed because she didn't want a cat at all plus her boyfriend is crazy allergic. She calls us asking what to do because her kids are bawling saying that she can’t get rid of their new 'sibling' and she has the cat in the garage.

"Ex told kids 'if mommy loves you, she’ll let you keep the cat since daddy is not allowed cats at his house'." ⏤drlitt

People need to stop using pets as warfare against their spouses! What kind of psycho thinks that this is okay?

Using A Cancer Diagnosis Against Their Spouse In Court

Unsplash | Marcelo Leal

"I represented a guy on his second marriage. His first wife passed from cancer and he was a pretty sensitive guy with a big heart. His second wife could be very charming but it was all a facade. Anyway, to make a long story about a lengthy divorce short, my client met a very kind and affectionate woman during his case. They really hit it off and were basically engaged (even though his divorce was far from over). The fiancee started having health problems and was diagnosed with a form of terminal cancer.

"Somehow the second wife found out about this and tried to use the cancer diagnosis against my client in court. She developed this crazy theory that my client had killed his first wife by giving her cancer and that he was doing the same thing to his 'fiancee'. The second wife's attorney--who was quite good--refused to be a party to it". ⏤loungesinger

This person went on to say that the second wife's attorney spent the whole time in court looking embarrassed and ashamed.

Destroying Their Spouse's Fish

Unsplash | charles hsiao

"A soon-to-be ex-husband left his wife's prized Koi to die on the doorstep of their house. Apparently the value of these fish (six in total) was over $100,000. She was, according to her lawyer, so distraught that she couldn't be in court. Only in LA." ⏤hansrudie

Koi are lovely animals that can learn to recognize the person feeding them and can be fed from the hand. Who could do this to such amazing creatures?

Trying To Worm Their Way Into Wills

Unsplash | Melinda Gimpel

"My uncle's ex tried to work it in that she would get half of whatever my grandmother would leave him when she passes. Joke's on her, my grandmother is passing over her kids (not maliciously, my uncle is very well off and so is my mom) and leaving everything to my brother and me.

"Oh, also tried to get sole custody of both of their children... who are in their twenty's!" ⏤seeyousoonbaboon

I don't know what she would get from "sole custody" of 20-year-olds? Maybe it means they have to send her birthday and Christmas cards by law?

Trying To Teach The Parrot To Swear At Their Spouse

Unsplash | Zdeněk Macháček

"I read one where in the settlement there was shared custody of a parrot. Neither were allowed to teach the parrot to swear at the other one." ⏤discostud1515

This might sound ridiculous but my grandmother had a parrot that used to swear at her, and she spent years trying to figure out who had taught it to do it. We still don't know.

Doing Bad Things To Their Ex's Cutlery

Unsplash | Jade Seok

"I am an interpreter who works frequently with police and lawyers. The most out there thing I ever interpreted in court went like this:

"Ms. So-and-So, we know each other for a long time, correct?


"And at the end of each and every meeting we had during the past five years, we always agreed on one thing, correct?


"Please, tell the judge what we agree on.

"It's not okay to break in my ex's apartment and lick all his cutlery.

"Yet, here we are, Ms. So-and-So." ⏤MsStormyTrump

This person wrote that they couldn't help dying with laughter and, in fairness, how would you not?!

Trying To Clear Out The Marital Accounts

Unsplash | Alexander Mils

"Paralegal for a divorce lawyer here. Our client told us he didn't clear out the marital account after the parties filed. Which technically is true, because while he removed $45,000 he left about $3.50 in there." ⏤cannabisandcrabs

You could get around 2 slices of Costco pizza for that, provided you live in the right area. So, you know, it's not all bad!

Fighting Over A Single Ashtray

Unsplash | Julia Engel

"During my first year of law school lawyers from different practices came to give us a peek behind the curtain of different areas. The divorce lawyer told the story of rather well to do couple that spent months and months and many tens of thousands of dollars fighting over absolutely everything all the way down to a single ceramic ashtray. He couldn't remember the significance, but somehow it had come through the husband’s family.

"Even after everything else had been decided, they spent nearly $100,000 fighting over this ashtray. Then, after a court hearing the wife finally won the ashtray. She promptly strode out to the white courthouse steps and smashed the ceramic ashtray. Left the pieces all over for the husband to see on his way out." ⏤105degrees_andrising

This person went on to say that this was the day that they decided not to become a divorce lawyer. And, I can absolutely see why they made that decision!

Falsely Accusing Spouse Of Abusing Their Children

Unsplash | Jude Beck

"She accused her ex-husband of sexually molesting their children while under the watchful eye of the nationally endorsed social workers who oversaw his contact with them (which was only required because he didn’t have his own private accommodation at the time). She also said that his Indian flatmates were inherently 'dirty'. After the obviously false child molestation suggestion I warned her of the consequences of being caught lying about that (i.e. permanent loss of custody).

"She fired me but kept calling back using fake names to try and obtain free advice which contradicted my advice, but everyone she called immediately spotted her. This was a long time ago and now I specialize in insurance litigation, which is far less ugly." ⏤Sayonara_Robocop

This person said that they didn't know how it all ended up turning out. However, they said that, if they had to guess, everything probably stayed the same and the couple had shared custody.

Leaving Them Their Floundering Businesses!

Unsplash | Olga DeLawrence

"I didn't handle the divorce, I handled parts of the aftermath. In the divorce, she went AWOL, was living in a truck somewhere, and just couldn't handle it mentally. He gave her five of his nine companies. They were the ones that owed seven figures in payroll taxes. He had made her the bookkeeper on paper.

"She spent decades trying to shake the IRS for the results." ⏤Flintoid

Using Puppies As Collateral

Unsplash | Bharathi Kannan

"My dad is a divorce attorney. His clients couldn't decide who would get the Labrador [puppies] from a new litter they just [bred]. The pups are worth $1000 a pop. Well, they also hadn't been up to date on their payments. So dad brought a litter of 8 floppy [puppies] home as collateral for us to have until they could negotiate the settlement. So much fun for us kids." ⏤Rogue_Kat15

Quite frankly, I'm just glad there was a story that didn't end up with the pets being put down or threatened to be put down!

Trying To Poison Their Spouse With Laxatives

Unsplash | Paweł Czerwiński

"I'm not a divorce lawyer but my parents got divorced about a year ago. My mum didn't want my dad to show up in court because he would contest and then they'd have to split the assets. She phoned me and told me to put laxatives in his food so he wouldn't be able to make it there." ⏤Tittybean22

They went on to say that they didn't do it, writing, "She kept screaming at me, commanding me to but I refused. It's one of the reasons that she hates me now lol."

Putting Down The Family Dog Out Of Spite

João Victor Xavier | Unsplash

"Worked at an airport. Big burly guy brings an ugly ass dog in a crate to the counter, he is clearly misty-eyed. Turns out wife got the dog in the divorce and he has to send it to her and she told him as soon as she gets it she is putting it down. He asks if he can have some time with the dog before the flight so they go out in the grass and they both roll around in the grass, dog's tail just wagging away not knowing anything about his future. The guy puts him back in the crate drops him off the counter says thanks and then just walked out head down and just looking crushed.

"That was 30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday." ⏤alex61821

This is one of the most horrific things that I have ever read. I don't think that I would have been able to send the dog. II know that they had to but I simply don't know how I could have done it.

Getting Back At Them With Glue!

Joanna Nix | Unsplash

"This couple was breaking up and Mister left the house. Missus went to work the next morning as usual. When she returned home in the evening she found Mister had been to the house and removed his clothing and belongings as she expected.

"What she didn't expect was that he had also Gorilla glued her belongings together. He glued the tv remote to the table, the phone to its cradle, the couch pillows to the couch and even glued the vacuum cleaner to the carpet. She called the police and reported this as property damage. The police went with her through the house documenting dozens of items glued to various things but for days she was discovering random things and she would call to amend or update her report. I've seen people do and say really awful things to each other but that was diabolical." ⏤Maxwyfe

If you have any bizarre stories like the ones in this list that you would like to share then please do so in the comments below.

Destroying Coral Reef

Unsplash | Q.U.I

"I work in law but am not a lawyer. A friend got divorced and his soon-to-be ex really [went ballistic]. Among other things, she put insecticide in his very elaborate coral reef tank. Even the tiny worms died. Wiped it out. Denied it for a while then basically laughed about it.

"Cops were furious that they couldn't arrest her when they saw the dead creatures/fish. She was still living in the house (no separation of property yet) and fish aren’t considered under cruelty to animal laws here." ⏤Malapple

Pretending To Be A Gambling Addict

Unsplash | Michał Parzuchowski

"Not a lawyer. But my partner has a mate who was going through a messy divorce. He registered as a 'gambling addict' and went to some gambling anonymous (or whatever it’s called) and proceeded to go to the casino every day, taking wads of cash with him, pretending to gamble it all away, while he was secretly squirreling it all away. That way, when it came to the divorce and he was questioned where all his money went, he could 'prove' that he lost it all through his gambling addiction and never had to pay her a penny." ⏤franichan

This sounds like one hell of a roundabout way to try and avoid having to pay any money to your ex-wife!

Writing Message For Their Ex In The Sky

Unsplash | William Hook

"I work as a legal assistant for a family lawyer. The ex-husband was getting remarried. 1) His ex-wife sent him and his new fiancé a dozen black roses before their wedding. 2) His ex-wife then had a plane fly across during their wedding, dragging a sign that read '(name of ex-husband) likes it up the butt.' You can't make this stuff up. Sad part is, she was not well and had been in and out of psych wards over the years. I hope she’s getting the help she needs now!" ⏤lottybugatti

I mean, could they really not have thought of anything more nuanced than "likes it up the butt"? I know there's a lot going on here but it annoys me that they stooped to such base levels.

Arguing Over Christmas Decorations!

Unsplash | Luke Southern

"Not a lawyer but was a legal intern for a divorce attorney a few years back. Dumbest divorce I ever sat through lasted over two years because they refused to let each other get any ground. I was only there for the last year of the divorce but they argued over who got the Christmas ornaments for 4 months." ⏤walnut100

This person went on to say that going, "sure, take it" will make your invoice much cheaper than it will if you spend months pointlessly arguing over something you don't really want or need.

Making Their Ex Look Like An Alcoholic

Unsplash | Timothy Dykes

"Not a lawyer but one of my drinking buddies just went through a nasty divorce. One of the things she pitted against him was ~$15k a year spent at a bar. Sounds bad, but 90% of the time they were both there, but he always paid with his card. But now he looks like an alcoholic." ⏤Kona2012

Apparently, she also tried to get the bartenders at the bar to testify against him as well however, this person didn't know if the bartenders actually did.

Wrongly Claiming Their Spouse HAs Been Neglectful To Their Son

Unplash | Immo Wegmann

"Used to work as a file clerk for a divorce attorney. Our client was trying to get full custody over her child because her husband was 'dangerously neglectful of their son'. How was he being dangerously neglectful?

"By serving spaghetti (instead of turkey) for thanksgiving. I wish I was making this up." ⏤marierosa

The only way that this could surely be considered "dangerous" is if the kid was somehow dangerously allergic to spaghetti!

Trying To Slip In Dangerous Clauses Into Legal Documents

Unsplash | Scott Graham

"My ex did a good job of tricking me that we were having a nice, cordial, easy divorce until she asked me to 'sign a couple of quick, easy things.' She was in a real hurry and got upset that I said I needed a couple of hours to read through them. Turns out she got someone to sneak in there that I was "emotionally abusive" (which was the opposite of the truth). I had to end up getting my own lawyer because of her shady nonsense and mine said she could have essentially taken anything and all of what she wanted if I would have signed that." ⏤ChetRipley

You should never just sign anything without reading it, especially in situations such as these!

Ruining A $14,000,000 Settlement Because Of A Cat

Reddit | Jonas Vincent

"Watched a 14 million dollar settlement, which took months to achieve, abandoned when the parties came to who would keep the cat. For that, there was a week long trial. Jurors wanted to euthanize them both and take the cat home themselves." ⏤NAbsentia

In my head, I can't help but imagine the cat sitting in a box in the courtroom thinking, "Christ, I don't want to live with either of these people!"