With the political climate that we live in today, the thought of coming out as queer, trans, or anything else certain members of society may take issue with can seem impossible.
However, while there is a lot of hate and hurtful commentary out there surrounding topics like gender and sexuality, there is also a lot of love, kindness, and support, which is making it easier for individuals to be themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin.
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Julia Kaye is a young artist who has worked with big names like Maxim, Cosmopolitan, College Humor, and, most recently, Disney. She is the creator of a comic series called “Up and Out,” which showcases her personal journey through the transition process.
These comics have not only helped her through the changes she’s experienced over the last couple of years, but they are also having an impact on others who are either struggling with taking that first step into transitioning or who are already in the thick of it.
1. May 17, 2016
At this point, Julia was four months into her transition and was feeling anxious about being in public because she was still read as male. And even though there are plenty of men out there who purchase and wear makeup, for her, it remained a daunting task.
“Breaking gender norms can be hard, there’s so much societal pressure to conform.”
2. May 20, 2016
While she had been out to her family for a few months at this point, it was something that was still uncomfortable to talk about. But Julia knew that if her goal was to move forward, she would need to open up more to others.
“I decided it was time to let more people in, starting with my li’l sister.”
3. May 22, 2016
Hormone treatment isn’t something that kicks in overnight, which means that transitioning can be a process that is slow, often confusing, and sometimes depressing, because things aren’t happening as quickly as an individual may want them to.
“Being around other women my age was a painful reminder of how far removed I was from where I desperately needed to be. Also, the idea of wearing a woman’s swimsuit made me incredibly uncomfortable early on while still looking like a man.”
4. May 26, 2016
This was the day that Julia decided it was time to clear her Facebook page of her old photos. She got rid of ten years worth of memories, but it was a pivotal moment in her transition.
“A bittersweet day, but I knew that when I came out, people would beeline for my old photos to compare. The thought of that was intensely uncomfortable.”
5. May 29, 2016
The transition process is not only slow and emotionally draining, but also expensive. Thankfully, Julia was surrounded by a family who supported her through it all. Without them, it would have been even more difficult.
“Between therapy, doctor appointments, bloodwork, etc etc I’m many thousands in the hole from transitioning.”
6. June 4, 2016
At the five-month mark, Julia was still struggling with the reflection she saw in the mirror.
“I got impatient all too often, hoping for the day I woke up to see myself. Now at 10.5 months of hrt, I now recognize myself in the mirror more often than not. The days I can’t are hard.”
7. June 11, 2016
Many of us are lucky enough to not think for a second about which washroom we should use in a public setting. But for Julia and other members of the trans community, it can be a scary ordeal.
“Getting over my fears of being thought of as a man in the lady’s room was a very big hurdle. I’m over it.”
8. June 17, 2016
Anyone who visits certain stores, restaurants, banks, and other businesses on a regular basis knows that you usually build relationships with some of the people who work there. Now, imagine going into those establishments as the person you’ve always known yourself to be, but that no one else was aware of.
“I had so much anxiety about dealing with judgment from people outside my family-and-friends bubble. I ended up moving away before I worked up the nerve to visit some of those places.”
9. June 27, 2016
On the one hand, it’s great knowing your family loves and accepts you for who you are. But on the other hand, there are times when certain pieces of information shouldn’t be shared unless you’ve spoken to one another about it.
“If someone comes out to you, it’s a Big Deal. Please don’t tell others unless you have explicit permission to do so, it’s important to let the person come out to others at their own pace.”
10. June 28, 2016
If you thought that getting your name changed was a demanding process, try doing it while also legally changing your gender, without ripping your hair out!
“I have no idea how I got through it all. I couldn’t find a good online list of “do x y and z” to make it and the legal gender change happen so I compared bits of stories from ancient forum threads and spoke to people in my support group to get through it all. I’d recommend a lawyer.”
11. July 1, 2016
And while wearing a dress may seem like the go-to solution for truly expressing your female self, Julia says that getting past that societal expectation was truly rewarding.
“It seemed to help with being misgendered less, but also I really wanted to wear some goddamn dresses now that I allowed myself to.”
12. July 2, 2016
By this time, Julia was on the verge of heading to court to have her name officially changed, but until that date actually arrived, she still struggled with things many of us wouldn’t even bat an eye at, like showing ID.
“While I was still super insecure about my gender identity, it made me feel like I was being viewed as a cross-dressing man. I’m sure that’s not what they thought at all, but that’s definitely how it felt and it was just awful every time.”
13. July 11, 2016
Another thing many of us do not think about when it comes to transitioning are all of the people outside of your family and friends who you have to talk to about it. Julia mentions having to meet with the HR department of her workplace because they had to know that she was no longer going to be coming into work looking like the person they had hired.
“The call to HR was cuz I had interviewed in boy mode a few months back. They had to know I wasn’t gonna show up like that.”
14. July 12, 2016
Because of the major role social media plays in our lives, Julia also thought she should come out to everyone else she could possibly think of.
“I’d written my coming out message for Facebook some 8 months prior, now I was finally ready to send it. It seemed like it took ages for anyone to reply or hit the like button. But people eventually did. I never expected such an overwhelmingly positive response. I lost some readers, but it didn’t matter. I was out.”
15. July 16, 2016
Even though she knew the people around her were doing their best to adjust to the changes they were seeing, it remained difficult for Julia to let go of the little things, like the use of the incorrect pronoun when talking about her.
“I did my best to be understanding, but it hurt every time.”
16. July 30, 2016
Unfortunately, even though at times it may seem like society is making big strides when it comes to acceptance and respect, there are still way too many trolls out there who can’t find anything better to do than hide behind their computer screens while spewing hateful messages.
“I mostly get less than I’d have thought I would, but I’m kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop with every comic I post.”
17. August 1, 2016
Compliments can be hard to accept depending on your personality, but for Julia, not fully trusting people and their words was something she struggled to push through.
“Insecurities about my outward gender expression. It’s taken me a long time but I’ve gotten better about it.”
18. August 3, 2016
Hair removal, especially from one’s face, is something that everyone deals with differently. Some people don’t have a problem with their hair, so they choose to keep it, while others prefer how they look without it. Julia opted for laser hair removal, and even though it’s painful and unpleasant, it makes her feel even more like herself.
“Slowly getting rid of that facial hair. Slowly slowly slowly. It’s gotten much better but I’m still working on it.”
19. August 20, 2016
You’d think that children would have a harder time understanding and accepting such a big change, especially if it’s happening to someone close to them, like a parent, sibling, aunt, or uncle. But for Julia and her five-year-old niece, it seems to have strengthened their relationship and brought them closer together.
“She’d thought it was a game at first. She now only calls me aunt Julie without fail. She once brought up to my sister about how cool it is that I’m a girl now. Sweetheart.”
