I like to think that in-law horror stories are overblown. Like sure, there are monsters-in-law out there, but on the whole people have decent relationships with them. We’re just hearing about the worst ones.
So when “Disrespected Daughter-in-Law” sent a letter to Ask Polly , the advice column at The Cut , she described the issue as her in-laws being careless about her food allergy.
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I mean, they couldn’t possibly be malicious, could they? Just disrespectful, right?
DDIL explains that she has a severe mushroom allergy that has sent her to the hospital multiple times.
When she and her partner first began dating, he explained this to his parents before she began joining them for group dinners. But instead of avoiding mushrooms, the in-laws doubled down.
“Somehow, they manage to find a way to add mushrooms to almost everything. One time, they made a point to make a special plate of mushrooms and pass it around.”
They once even put mushroom powder in the mashed potatoes!
Thankfully, DDIL’s husband was very much on her side and put his foot down during her pregnancy. They still refused to stop and now the family spends holidays separately, with much of the family siding with the in-laws.
“My husband supports me 100 percent, and he is very angry and hurt by their actions. But at times I feel terrible that I am the cause of this rift, and I just want a happy family.”
Isn’t it awful to think that a person who could DIE from their actions feels guilty for the rift?
That’s what Ask Polly writer Heather Havrilesky made sure to point out first, before laying into the in-laws.
“You’re not the cause of this rift. The cause of this rift is TRULY TERRIBLE HUMAN BEINGS. … Your in-laws are next-level, off-the-charts batshit.”
Havrilesky seriously couldn’t compute how awful these in-laws were being.
They aren’t making occasional menu mistakes and learning from them; they’re actively adding the ingredient to everything they serve. They make fun of their daughter-in-law for her allergy and blame their own son for siding with her.
“It all adds up to the ugliest portrait of in-law behavior I’ve ever encountered.”
She then recommends that they simply “stay the f*** away.”
If Havrilesky thought this was a one-off issue, then the comments on the letter must have shocked her.
Apparently, in-laws refusing to respect dietary restrictions, blatantly making fun of them, or even outright trying to poison people is A Thing.
Like with midwestheart, whose MIL apparently decided to test her.
“I can totally relate to this. When my husband and I first married we were living with my in-laws when my mil cook something with the food I’m allergic to in it. When I asked she said no it was something else I took a bite and knew immediately it was not what she said it was. That night I was up almost all night sick the next morning she said to someone well I guess she really can’t eat it.”
Jennkimsong had a story similar to DDIL’s.
“I had been dating my boyfriend ( (now husband) for 6 years and his mother went out of her way in those 6 years to add bell peppers (which I am allergic to) in every dish she ever made – to the point where she literally sliced JUST bell peppers (three different colors) and served it as crudite before dinner.”
When the husband finally snapped, his mother told him that since bell peppers are healthy, the allergy can’t be real.
Same with lilyelement, whose MIL kept sneaking pineapple into things.
“After 7 years of dealing with that every holiday she managed to get me finally by putting pineapple juice on some fish. Crazy enough, she quit trying to kill me after she saw my reaction (hives all over my chest/throat, and trouble breathing).”
While the number of stories involving in-laws specifically is unnerving, it points to a problem a lot of people with dietary restrictions face.
People often simply refuse to believe them when they say something is life-threatening.
Is it annoying when Karen in the office in on her fourth fad diet of the year and complains about the donuts in the break room? Yes, but that’s not the same thing as a serious food allergy and we should never assume someone is lying or worse, try to “prove” they are.
When being wrong can also mean the other party is dead , why is it so important to try to prove yourself right?
