Ah, the holidays: a time for love, laughter, and…a surge in divorce filings.
Come January, divorce lawyers’ offices tend to get ridiculously packed — for many of the same reasons gyms also get more populated. People want to lose some weight, and sometimes that weight includes a spouse.
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Once the marital holiday cease-fire is over, people are suddenly ready to change their lives. But why is this time of year so often the breaking point? To find out, let’s turn to James Sexton, one of New York’s top divorce attorneys.
He shared the top 10 reasons couples end up in his office — and some golden advice to prevent it.
1. Comfort turns into complacency
“Complacency kills,” Sexton says. “You stop doing the small things that made your partner feel special in the first place.”
Relationships are like gardens — you really gotta tend to them. A simple “Let me handle dinner tonight” or “I made you coffee” can go a long way.
2. When intimacy is no longer a priority, couples feel like roommates
“Sex is the glue,” Sexton says. “Sex is what differentiates a romantic relationship from every other type of relationship.”
He suggests that you schedule time for physical intimacy, even if it feels unromantic — as he puts it, “desire thrives on effort.”
3. Putting kids first can damage the marriage in the long run
“Kid-centric marriages fall apart,” Sexton states. “Your kids are going to leave one day. What’s left after that?”
He emphasizes that putting your relationship first helps strengthen the whole family. As he puts it, “Happy parents make for happy kids.”
4. Social media creates unhealthy pressure
“We’re performing our relationships instead of living them,” Sexton warns.
That constant pressure to look perfect online can cause a disconnect. His advice? “Put the phone down, look your partner in the eye, and ask how their day was.”
5. Small annoyances can snowball into resentment
“The little things add up,” Sexton explains. “It’s never the big things; it’s the toothpaste cap, the socks on the floor, the dishes in the sink.”
He recommends open and honest communication: “Say what you feel before resentment takes root.”
6. Infidelity often points to deeper unresolved issues
“Cheating isn’t the problem; it’s a symptom of deeper issues,” Sexton says.
He says couples should view infidelity as a warning sign to address unmet needs before they spiral.
7. Make sure you don’t lose your sense of self
“When you lose yourself in a relationship, you lose the attraction that brought you together in the first place,” Sexton says.
That’s why it’s so important to maintain your own hobbies, friendships, and individual identity. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
8. Don’t avoid the prenup talk
“People think a prenup is unromantic, but it’s actually the opposite,” Sexton explains. “It’s saying, ‘I trust you enough to talk about the hard stuff before it becomes a problem.’”
9. Keep your expectations in check
“56% of marriages end in divorce,” Sexton reveals, “and that doesn’t account for couples who stay together unhappily for external reasons.”
This sobering reality stems from expectations not aligning with the realities of marriage.
10. The small gestures – they’re not too small
“Desire thrives on effort,” Sexton notes. “Put in the small gestures that keep the spark alive.”
Whether it’s bringing a morning coffee or simply listening attentively, those small actions reinforce love and connection.
So there you have it! Straight from New York’s finest divorce lawyer. Seriously, we should be paying so much for this advice.
