Soap, but make it astrological. That was the idea behind Whiskey River Soap Co.’s astrology soaps line, anyway.
What they actually made was so much funnier. Sure, they made the astrology soaps. But the labels? The scents? The packaging? It’s on a whole other level.
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Capricorn
In-charge Capricorns have been accurately called out here.
The scent of their Capricorn soap is succinctly summed up as, “smells like the boss of everyone.”
Aka, bergamot. Opt for their Capricorn hand soap if you want to keep your hands clean around your many minions.
Aquarius
Those hard-working and social Aquariuses got a soap that, “smells like a real do-gooder.”
Checks out. The actual scent is described as “progressive papaya.”
As for the hand soap ? It’s a “progressive blend perfect for protest parties and event planning.”
Pisces
Okay, emotional Pisces . For you, we have a scent that is described as, “Smells like some serious delusions.” Aka driftwood.
Oof. Well, how about the hand soap ? “Empathetic formula compliments pipe dreams and serial pet adoptions.”
Aries
Tough guy Aries has a pretty accurate scent: “Smells like you only ride shotgun.” Probably so you can control the playlist, right?
The hand soap says: “Over-the-top formula increases instances of challenges and barroom brawls.” Sounds like every Aries I know.
Taurus
Stubborn Taurus gets a splash of royalty for their scent. “Smells like a gold-plated sundae.” Aka champagne. Sounds delightful!
The hand soap says, “Specially formulated luxury blend for indulging and keeping it classy.”
Gemini
Oh, those duplicitous Geminis . I think we all saw this scent coming: “Smells like a split personality.” It’s watermelon!
The hand soap has some more tea to spill: Proactive blend of ingredients will enhance the sharing of any and all secrets.”
Cancer
Hey Cancers: I heard y’all are cry-babies. At least, that’s what the Cancer description says: “Smells like buried emotions.”
Are they really that buried? Anyway, it smells like a mojito.
Anyway, the hand soap is more brutal: “Moody mixture that works whether you’re running hot or cold at the moment.”
Sorry, y’all.
Leo
A Leo ‘s desires are on full display with their soap. “Smells like it’s all about you.” You saw that coming. (It’s vanilla.)
The hand soap says, “Extremely potent formula improves star quality and casts a wide net for new fans.”
Virgo
Ah, my fellow Virgos . We have been called out. “Smells like making a list to make a list.” Been there, done that. We smell like oranges.
The hand soap says, “Tightly-wound mixture encourages unsolicited grammar corrections and tallying up imperfections.” Accurate.
Libra
Flirty and personable Libras will love this one. “Smells like peacekeepers.” That’s an actual compliment! The actual scent is French Lavender.
“Fairly ambivalent blend is totally fine with whichever water temperature you prefer,” says the hand soap .
Scorpio
My beautiful, spiteful Scorpios , your scent is so you. “Smells like a supervillain.” Aka violet.
The hand soap says, “Fiercely dramatic blend compels friends and enemies alike to fall to their knees.
Sagittarius
Sagittarius , you clowns. Your scent, “Smells like a disappearing act.” So, white tea.
The hand soap says, “Randomly chosen ingredients that will linger long after you up and disappear again.” Ouch.
