When you think about moving in with your significant other, you probably imagine cozy nights, shared meals, and the occasional disagreement over what to watch on Netflix. But for one woman, the idea of moving in with her boyfriend comes with a significant hitch — his apartment is, well, kind of gross.
Living together is supposed to be a romantic milestone, but what happens when that milestone feels more like stepping into a mess?
Her boyfriend of three years has suggested they move in together, but she can’t shake the feeling that his home might just be a dealbreaker. The woman, a mother of two, took to Mumsnet to voice her concerns and ask for advice.
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Here’s the issue:
She described her boyfriend’s one-bedroom flat as dusty, cluttered, and far from the tidy space she’s comfortable in. In the beginning, things weren’t as bad—or so it seemed. She recalled how his flat was kept cleaner early in the relationship, possibly due to regular visits from his parents. Though she posited that the cleanliness might not have been his doing.
She’s been leaving gentle hints.
Despite her “gentle comments” about the dust and clutter, the situation hasn’t improved. Her boyfriend seems more interested in watching TV than in taking a mop to the floor or decluttering a room.
So now her discomfort has reached a point where she feels “dirty” just being in his home. It’s not just the mess; she also worries that he’s become “old before his time,” influenced by his older friends.
She faces a dilemma.
However, she doesn’t want to break his heart. According to her, he’s been single for a long time and doesn’t have many friends, which makes her hesitant to hurt him.
The Mumsnet community wasn’t shy about sharing their thoughts, and the consensus was clear.
Most agreed that she shouldn’t move in with him, with some even suggesting it might be time to end the relationship altogether.
One commenter said, “I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who can’t keep their living space clean. If he doesn’t do it now, he certainly won’t do it when you move in together. Don’t waste your time on this one.”
Another didn’t mince words:
“Don’t let him move in! If he can’t look after his flat he won’t suddenly turn into a tidier when he moves in with you. You’ll end up resenting him, he’ll be sat watching tv all day while you get slowly more [expletive] off doing more then you did before.”
A few other people chimed in,
“Well, either you say something and be very very blunt and you wait until you see consistent change before taking things further, or you end up with another child to look after in your home and with no help with day to day cleaning and tidying. You will lose all respect for him and resent him […] I know which option I would be pursuing.”
Wow, that’s quite eye-opening, no?
This person offered another perspective and I think it says a lot, “It seems he’s expecting you to take over where his parents left off. Really, what sort of grown man needs his parents to clean up after him? You sound sorry for him and that’s not a healthy basis for an equal relationship.”
It might be time to move on.
Moving in together is a big step, but it’s one that requires careful consideration. For this woman, the choice between a clean break and a dirty apartment might just be the difference between happiness and years of resentment. What would you do?
