15+ Marriage Memes That’ll Turn ‘I Do’ Into ‘I Don’t Care Where We Eat—You Pick'

Let me know who the ominous and disappointed narrator is in your head when you read/hear this!

This is why things shouldn't "belong" anywhere. I like my feng shui on LSD, I find it really makes life easier — well, until you need to find your keys.

In my book, there is no such thing as a decorative towel. It's like people who save stuff for a "nice occasion"." Just use the nice things you buy, that's why you bought them!

Add snoring, and complaining about who won The Great British Bake Off and you've got my life right there.

There's nothing quite like opening a new toothpaste and squeezing it right from the middle, it's like watching the world tear itself in half.

This is the most romantic thing you and a partner can do for one another, closely followed by making sure they don't get vomit in their hair when they've had too much to drink.

Yes, that is two bottles of Vodka (for $150!), scrambled eggs with cheese, and crab cakes. It is safe to say that this man is my new hero.

Considering we have many drawers in our house, it constantly seems like everything that is of any actual use is in one drawer that my girlfriend and I are always fighting over access to. Thinking about it now, I genuinely can't think of what's in our other drawers.

This unbelievable hearing can also pick up the sound of you falling over and making a tit of yourself from anywhere in the house, so your significant other can come in and laugh at you — no matter how silently you try to keep your buffoonery.

Okay, quite frankly, I find that deodorant aimed at women is much better and doesn't stain your shirts as much. There, I said it!

I never really know what to say when someone says something like, "I had a dream last night and you were a total dick in it."

Wow, I'm very sorry that your brain clearly hates me.

I don't even get these texts anymore as I normally forget to reply, so my girlfriend just goes straight to calling me.

I only ever snore if I've had a few pints, or if I sleep on my side, or if I sleep on my back, or if I have a lot to eat before I go to bed, or if I don't eat enough before I go to bed, or basically if I'm asleep in general.

Reddit: the primary reason why the amount of time that people spend on the toilet has tripled!

I want to design washing appliances that are much more simple, like a washing machine that only has one setting — 30º quick wash probably. I mean, who really uses all of the settings on washing appliances?

I don't think that my girlfriend and I have ever both gotten to the end of a film at the same time. Collaboratively though we've seen hundreds of movies!

It's worse when you both grab it at the same time and the piece of candy starts to glow meaning you have to fight to the death over it. (Anyone else remember Xiaolin Showdown other than me?)

My money would be on peanut butter being the cause, but I don't want to imagine what else it could be. Dear lord let it be peanut butter...

Nope, this will never happen to me, I'll always be the pinnacle of class and elegance. Takes another bite of Cookie Crisp while dribbling milk down three-year-old hoodie as girlfriend looks on horrified.

Getting the right light fixture is very important! We can't all have celebrity problems like worrying about what collaboration we'll be launching this year!

If you want to do it properly you'll need to get a protractor in the mix as well — just saying.

Look, when you've got a pet octopus with an emerald problem, you'll understand! When you see their tearful screwed face begging you for more emeralds, I hope you remember this moment!

Jokes aside, what kind of question is that for a kid to be asked? Christ, that makes the questions I got as a kid look like a piece of cake!

Just start cranking the heat in the living room and covering him with blankets, then this can be your life every night!

Amazon CEO rubs hands together and cackles maniacally from atop their throne composed of the carcasses of Target employees.

If he doesn't leaf-blow the attic, then who will? It's not like anyone else is volunteering to do it!

Well, it's either we jump in the shower before leaving, or you have to crack the windows, which is it?

In fairness, I always pack far too much for going on holiday. Who knows when you might need four pairs of sunglasses, a sled, and slippers shaped like pigeons when you're traveling around Italy?

Living in halls at university ruined the art of the passive-aggressive note for me. There was one too many, "Can people please stop wearing loud shoes when walking passed my room!"

Okay this one is lost on me. Are men obsessed with mulch? If so, what men? I need to meet these men otherwise I refuse to believe that this is a real thing. Let me know if you know men who are obsessed with mulch!

It seems very appropriate that he actually tried to carve that into the pumpkin itself, but couldn't quite get it tried.

As Bart Simpson said, "I can't promise I'll try, but I'll try to try."

Considering that it took me a minute to notice the spider in this photo, I can hardly blame her for the delayed reaction.

And based on the wife's latest entry in that little contest, I can only guess that she watched Se7en recently.

I guess we can tell what kind of marriage people have by whether they recognize that this guy is de-icing the freezer so he can avoid actually cooking or whether they're simply confused.

If the force of habit still remains to strong, might I recommend some nice pasta straws?