As the queen of confusion, I am qualified to say that these pictures are about to mix you up. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing though, is it? Sometimes it’s nice to take a break and let the world think for you, isn’t it? Or maybe not and I’m just lazy…also a very real possibility.
Anyway, take a second to steady yourself, because the incoming confusion will make you feel like you just hopped off a roundabout.
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1. I don’t get the joke.
Maybe it’s because I don’t ever do dishes, or maybe it’s because I got kicked out of history class. Either way, it’s not because I can’t read. I can kinda read.
2. Being outsmarted by a dog really puts your life into perspective.
For me, anyway. I’ve always questioned where I sit on the food chain, but things like this remind me that I’m wedged somewhere between a soft-shell crab and a groundhog.
3. At first, I thought this guy was crazy.
The more I think about it though, is he really? I mean, this is probably much healthier than how I deal with my problems, which usually involves me chasing a whole Hot-and-Ready pizza with like, six texts to my ex. It’s all relative.
4. I, for one, welcome our new crayfish overlords.
Most countries have control over who they vote into power, and yet everyone’s always got something to complain about anyway. Maybe a forced interspecies inauguration wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to Earth.
5. I wonder if he bought a slice of pi, eh guys?
Do you think he bought pie?!
…Come to think of it, it’s likely that he did not. I’m sure that they would’ve included it in the picture if that were the case. I’m sorry for getting your hopes up.
6. This girl’s condiment game is in 3018 and ya’ll just need to ketchup.
Or maybe she just likes to take advantage of things that are free. Either way, I support her for doing what makes her happy.
7. I never noticed this.
I’ve also left the house in two different shoes before, so maybe noticing things isn’t my strong point. Either way, I’m glad Microsoft caught this before release or that could’ve been…messy.
8. Quite frankly, a gifted sack of my breath is priceless.
I guess you could probably sell it on eBay, but who would want to? I’ve been giving sacks of breath, locks of hair, and fingernail clippings as gifts for years, and I’ve never seen them pop up for sale once. Just goes to show that they’re too important to part with.
9. Publicly admitting your crime is like, the first thing you learn not to do at Food Stealing University.
I guess the kind of person that steals other people’s lunches probably isn’t too concerned with proper conduct, though.
10. I can’t keep up with these makeup trends anymore.
Is it fashion? Art? I’d be disappointed if you told me it was either, to be honest.
11. Proof that you can have too much of a good thing.
Individually, I would happily devour each of those things. But put them together in a sandwich and I want to throw up on my own lap.
12. You could call the cops, but they’d probably be terrified to go looking for her.
I know I would be. Her eyes are more dead than the ones on the chicken.
13. I get this feeling every time I go to sleep at night.
It feels like I’m melting into a pile of goo, but I never actually emerge as a butterfly. Every day. Still a caterpillar. It’s pretty lame, tbh.
14. Honestly, he could be right.
I just can’t conform because I have no dreads and have never heard a Rascal Flatts song. I’m happy to stop brushing my hair though, and if one of you guys could recommend a RF song in the comments, I’d really appreciate it. I wanna be as happy as this guy.
15. I guess it’s better than the alternatives.
He could’ve tattooed this on his face, or become an actual sewer-dwelling clown with a thirst for the blood of children.
16. Total hack to total snack.
The glo up is real and this nugget is a shining gold star.
