20 Petty People Ready For The Petty Olympics

I have no idea what she did to end up on the receiving end of Varun's savagery, but there's no way she'll be forgetting it any time soon.

Unless, of course, your party mates are the kinds of bacon fiends that are more than happy to down whatever meat juices they can come across. I really didn't mean for that to sound like a euphemism, but here we are.

This may seem absolutely savage, but now I'm curious to hunt down where I can get a whole buffet meal for $6.95. Maybe this is just viral marketing and I've accidentally become a shill for this restaurant. Well played, cookie, well played.

It wouldn't be the first or the last time I sat in bed, eating peanuts, getting shells all tangled up in my chest hair.

Why can't you do normal things on the internet, like make statuses on MSN Messenger filled with emo song lyrics?

It's like that classic Pink Floyd song. Y'know, the one that goes, "All in all, it's just a...nother brick in the cobblestone floor."

At least this school gave the kids the opportunity to let their creativity soar when it came to not giving a damn about the Super Bowl.

The only way this could be more savage would be if all the tracks were instru...menstrual.

This kid knew it was a mistake to start showing their mom memes, but they didn't realize just how bad it would come back to bite them.

Hey, want to hear a true story about how lame I am? You know how they said you can never forget how to ride a bike? It's totally not true! I was like, 25 when I decided to try to learn again and my father-in-law took me out to a parking lot to teach me, like I was a small boy.

In fact, human beings are the only species on Earth where manspreading isn't punishable by death.

You have to appreciate the fact that he would have had to try harder to be this miserable than he would have had to if he just leaned into it and had a good time.

Winnie-the-Blues? Fur Elise? The point is, you shouldn't criticize people (or bears) for trying, especially when they're doing it with such chutz-paw.

Although, this little savage seems like she's giving back just as well as she's getting.

Literally every Christmas and birthday ever, someone makes a joke about how the kids prefer the box the toys came in than the toy itself, and every time the parent dies a little inside.

Sure, it's adorable when the cat does it, but when I stick my wet butt all over the furniture, suddenly I'm "the worst decision" my wife ever made.

Wow, that's a rough joke. I'm sorry you had to read that.

Knowing it's from someone's partner makes it hilarious, but if this was a kid's lunch from his parent, that would be a whole level of dark that I'm not ready to deal with.

What I can say for sure is that I don't appreciate them treating the priceless collection of ceramic My Little Pony figurines so carelessly.

Hey, you know what's really embarrassing? Having to ask around your office what's so special about "Kyng" condoms.

In another way, this is a great tactic to make sure you never have to worry about being invited to another company Christmas party ever again.

This is kind of a genius idea for people with indecisive partners/siblings/friends. And also for anyone who's friends with me. Be careful what you ask for!

We all know someone who's a notorious food stealer, but I've never encountered someone SO notorious I had to count 4, 362 rice. Brandii, if you're out there, you're a nightmare.

Hey, at least they're apologizing. Kind of. I'm known for overdoing it on the ketchup myself, but I like to think I would never stoop this low.

You probably don't want to work for a business that takes every bad review this personally, but I kind of do want to go there and try the WORST meatball sandwich.

Who doesn't just write "don't touch my mug?"

I appreciate the co-ordination of the mug-touchers though. They're really committed to this joke.

Like, you can't really tell that there was ever a third person up there.

But hey, when you have a good picture, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to post it. Honestly, I've seen worse cover up jobs.

If you're going to invite Jesus into your passive-aggressive print-out battles, you should probably at least quote him directly before your opponent does.