When it feels like you’re living off of life’s scraps, it sometimes helps to think a little outside the box. Sometimes, however, not even that ends up helping, and you end up further behind than where you started.
1. As a proud lover of books, this physically hurts to look at. Do you want ants? Because this is how you get ants.
Thousands of years later, this book is unearthed and archaeologists suggest that someone was murdered while reading it.
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2. Eventually, people will stop jokingly saying “I can buff that out” and start saying “a few binder clips should do the trick.”
It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but then again, doing this doesn’t exactly roll off of the…brain?
3. I’m guessing they deleted their account soon after looking at the top ingredient of Coca-Cola, or any soft drink for that matter.
That said, they’ll probably be typing for the rest of their life after their teeth rot out of their head.
4. Clearly, math is not Green’s strong suit. Maybe their line of reasoning is that less is more?
Except, I guess, you are literally getting more…for less…which is more? Or maybe it’s less? Is anyone else’s nose starting to bleed, or is it just me?
5. While I applaud the lengths they want to go in order to look into the vast ocean of stars, planets, and other assorted celestial bodies, they need to realize the simplest solution is often the most correct.
6. Technically, they’re not on the shelf. However, “technically” doesn’t work well in an argument to keep your job.
That is unless you’re a lawyer or a bureaucrat. They thrive on technicalities.
7. Water heater out of service? No problem, just superheat your shower head. Plus, if the candle falls out it’ll just land in the water!
Seems like an easy way to get your drains clogged with wax, though.
8. Listen: using chopsticks doesn’t come as easily to some people, and that’s totally fine.
Take this person for instance, who acknowledges that they need to use a fork in order to eat.
9. I can’t help but feel a slight amount of satisfaction every time this person hits some roadkill or backs into someone by accident.
On the flip side, it doubles as an actual welcome mat for their creepy candy van.
10. This is perfect advice for a lonely cannibal who’s slowly trying to wean themselves off of human meat.
Using strawberry jam might be counterproductive, but when it comes to cannibalism you have to take it one step at a time.
11. As clever as this parking job might be, I think they’re now in danger of getting both fined and towed.
Wait, can you even tow a motorcycle? I guess you’d just throw it on the seat beside you.
12. Too lazy to take your garbage down two floors?
Not a problem, just spend a hundred bucks on a plastic deathtrap and invalidate your security deposit. Not like there are laws against this or anything, right?
13. No, let’s just destroy the environment by using all of the tinfoil we possibly can.
I wonder if it takes more effort to wash a dish or to get out the tinfoil, wrap the bowl/plate, and crumple the tinfoil up. My next science experiment.
14. Well, Lauren *looks from side to side* is an idiot.
There are other ways to keep the look neutral. Like, oh, I don’t know, not using books at all. I wonder what she says to people who ask for a specific book to borrow. Probably that it will take a couple hours to find.
15. I would like to remind everyone that the purpose of a sunglasses case is to keep your sunglasses from being crushed.
Not sure if anyone told this person that cardboard isn’t really the sturdiest material.
16. If you don’t have access to a can opener, then a bread knife is apparently the next best thing.
That’s only if you’re okay with getting metal pieces in your food, and potentially slicing up your arm.
17. Sure, there are no spills, but your coworkers are going to have to deal with the sound of you sucking the soul out of this container.
Have you ever tried to drink Greek yogurt? It’s practically a solid.
18. For those times when you’re more interested in storing tennis balls then actually playing tennis.
“Did you see how many I fit in one container?!” “That’s great, Bill. I guess I brought my racket over here for nothing.”
19. Apparently, any kind of red plastic means brake lights.
This truck is either constantly hitting his brakes or always signalling right. This fix also comes in handy when you’re tailgating and need a cup.
20. Who needs a safe ladder to get out of the pool with when you have a slide of potential doom!
Don’t worry, if it wobbles, it just means it’s working.
21. Some might call it overkill, but when the bugs start growing bigger than dogs after the nuclear holocaust, you’ll want a fly swatter with a board and nails in it, too.
22. I guess Tarzan isn’t adapting to dorm life all that well.
His roommates don’t appreciate his tendency to pick bugs out of their hair in their sleep and make animal calls at 5 a.m.
23. Why waste money on a snowblower when you can just trick out your riding mower?
For real snow removal power, I think they should attach a leaf blower to the top.
24. Washing your keyboard is important to keep it from getting super gross, but do keep in mind that plastic does not react well to really hot water.
This person’s keyboard is going to look like a Salvador Dali painting.
