Advice is a tricky beast: when we really need it, it can be hard to find, and when we don’t need it, it’s often forthcoming from all angles, completely unsolicited. It’s kind of a Murphy’s Law situation, but for advice rather than luck.
A thread on r/AskReddit, “What advice did someone give you that changed your life?” , is a great compendium of advice that’s actually impactful.
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Circle back to it.
“If you are getting frustrated it’s perfectly ok to walk away for a bit a come back to the problem, it’s better to walk away and come back with a clear head then just getting more frustrated.
“This was the first person I met that saw me and got me.”
It isn’t always about you.
“Not really advice, just a remark someone made a few times that hit home. They said that most things people do have nothing to do with you, even if it’s directed at you. It really did change my life in that I hardly ever take things personal anymore.”
Can’t float everybody’s boat.
” You can be the ripest, juiciest peach there is, and there will still be people who don’t like peaches – Dita Von Teese
“Used to stress about people liking me or not, stemming from different experiences as a kid. I read this quote and realised that I can be the best I can be, but I’m still not gonna be to everyone’s taste, and that’s alright. Helped me stress down almost entirely about that.”
Just do a little.
“Be involved, not attached.
“Had major problems socializing for most of my life. It’s way better now, thanks to advice like this. It doesn’t mean you have to dominate every conversation, just be more involved. Ask the talking person questions, repeat what they said in other words to clarify their statements, ask follow-up questions. Let them know you’re actually interested in what they have to say. Making people talk will get you way farther than talking about yourself.”
Not your first rodeo.
” Act like you have been there before.
“It’s just another way of saying be confident in yourself, but just saying “be confident,” doesn’t really tell you how to be confident. Saying ‘act like you have been there before’ is more like instructions.”
Don’t just hear them, actually listen to them.
“To truly listen to your partner get past your anger and defensiveness and be vulnerable and only then can you listen to their needs and change your self. Being vulnerable doesnt make you weak.”
Your partner should be your friend.
“Not quite advice, but a male co-worker said his wife was his best friend and I realized my husband and I weren’t friends at all. tried to change the relationship but eventually left. 10 years later married a man who was my friend, still married 13 years and he is my best friend.”
Find something else to do.
“My therapist told me not to fight my drinking cravings, but rather to ignore them.
“Instead of white knuckling it on the couch trying to ride it out, she suggested I find a project and keep myself busy instead.
“It worked. Today I’m 41 days sober.”
A tough realization.
“Work is not like school. You don’t hand-in an assignment and it’s done. Instead, you constantly chip away at things over time. In my first job I was upset that my work was never ‘perfect’/done like it was at school. This advice helped me shift my mindset so that I wasn’t so hard on myself.”
For all the gossips out there.
“I’ve read many books of Buddhism and Karma that say something along the lines of ‘if someone tells you something about another person, you know nothing of the third person and something of the second.’ I think it is a way to live by until corrected by direct interaction.”
– u/jjjm36
Something to build on.
“If something is worth doing, its worth doing badly.
“At one point in my life I just did not want to do anything because of depression and anxiety and it sucked. I was brought up to believe ‘if something is worth doing, its worth doing right.’ So I decided because I didn’t think i could get it right I wouldn’t bother doing anything.
“I read this, and realised I’d been doing it all wrong. I may not be able to get up and shave and shower and run 2 miles in the morning. But I can get dressed and brush my teeth. That’ll do.”
Worth the grind.
“You are what you eat. It showed me that if you want to be a different person you need to do a little bit of everything everyday. My career, body, and overall happiness skyrocketed after I did it. It is sometimes boring, because it is a grind, but the reaping is amazing.”
Be a little bit selfish.
“Stop putting everyone else first. Think about what you need before you try to help anyone else. You have to be selfish and take care of yourself before anyone else otherwise you’ll have nothing left to give others. It’s okay to put yourself first it doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone else.”
Be ready to make big changes.
“At the point this advice was given, he was still a stranger. As the years went on, we became like family.
“‘If you’re serious about it, you have to change everything.’ At the time it was just about workouts and eating, but I realized everything affected my goals (work, life, gym, etc).”
Work through it.
“‘You don’t have to know exactly how to do something. You just need to know that it can be done, and the rest can be figured out.’ My former boss when I started my IT career. Changed how I looked at the problems I dealt with at work and at home.”
Don’t give up.
“I know it’s a common advice but when my honorary grandma said ‘press on never give up it’ll come to you eventually’ it stayed with me ever since. She is one of a few genuine people I know so it means a lot to me.”
Remember things with a clear head.
” Good memories can be just as toxic as bad memories
“For people in bad friendships/romantic relationships, so many people hold on to the good times in the past, hoping that it’ll be like that again. You remember how good things were at the start, and you convince yourself ‘they’re not that bad, remember that one good time…..’ even though at present, you’re being treated like [trash].”
Your own truth.
“It might seem simple, but when my parents were going through divorce a lot of nasty stuff was being said – mostly by the maternal side of my family. Think adults trying to trick a bunch of young kids into hating their dad. One day, my father took me aside and told me: ‘You will hear things from me, you will hear things from your mom, and from others too. Find your own truth.’ Those words helped me make sense of things in times where I didn’t know what to believe, and I still follow that advice to this day.”
You don’t have to stay together.
“That I didn’t have to stay married to my abusive spouse, myself and children could be better off.
“Was taught that divorce was bad. Didn’t even realize leaving him/divorce was a real option.
“My life has completely changed in many ways.”
Opportunity is abundant.
“What’s ‘yours’ doesn’t pass you by and that the world is an abundant place. There are plenty of opportunities, relationships, work, challenges and experiences available in life. Getting rid of a scarcity mindset can change your life.”
