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I Found Funny Quotes From Patients Under Anesthesia And I'm Cackling

In need of a good laugh? You've come to the right place!

From hitting on their doctors to speaking in a foreign accent to making shocking confessions, people truly say the wildest things when they're out of it. One person even thought they were a ghost!

So come laugh at these anesthesia stories that will have you absolutely cackling!

The icebreaker.


This Redditor broke the tension in the room with his divorced parents in the most hilarious way.

After his sister pointed out that his junk was hanging out of his hospital gown, he said, "if my balls are hanging out. That makes this a ball gown.’"

The farter.


"Had a patient come into recovery after surgery. She farted so long and loud the entire 20 bed unit heard her. Then she said 'I was trying to clear my throat, excuse me. And I want a vanilla latte, I got a headache.' As medical professionals, we had to hold in the laughter but that didn't stop patients from turning into hyenas." -u/deleted

The *ghoooost*.

"Patient came into the ED as a trauma, got ketamine sedation for an emergency procedure: 'I’m deaaaaaaaad' 'No, you’re ok, we’re taking care of you' 'I’m a ghoooooost. Whooooooo!” wavy arm motions. Ok." -u/talashrrg

The salsa dancer.

Unsplash | bruce mars

This Redditor experienced a patient who announced to the room, “I’m preparing to salsa dance." LOL. They must have been moving and shaking it like they were a professional dancer in their dreams.

The smooth-talker.

"As I am getting her ice chips she starts to go “I hate to see you leave but I love to see you go”. As I disappear to get her some ice chips she starts crying real tears that she scared me off and how sorry she was." - u/darksidemojo

The Tinder date.

Unsplash | Yogas Design

"Eighteen-year-old girl 'recognized' the (male) anesthesiologist from tinder last week and accused him multiple times of not showing up to their agreed date - while randomly falling half-asleep in between." - u/SpectacularSociety

The Irishwomen.

Unsplash | National Cancer Institute

In the middle of wrist surgery, a 65-year-old woman developed a thick Northern Irish accent.

She said, "Did you just fill me up to me head with vodka? gimme a wee bit more boy, I'm loving this [expletive]."

The soldier.

Unsplash | Maxim Potkin

"Anesthesiologist here. During recovery from general anesthesia, I called one of my patients by his full name in a loud voice. He opened his eyes suddenly jumped upright and sit on the bed and he said something : Sir, yes sir! He was under military service at that time." -u/kabourayan

The vegetable.

"When I was a toddler, my mom fell off our roof and broke her back. Apparently she was terrified she was going to become a vegetable, because after her back surgery she asked the nurse, 'Am I a broccoli, or a cauliflower?'" - u/tananda7

The insult.

Unsplash | Yusuf Belek

When this Redditor was getting his wisdom teeth done, he asked his dentist why he chose that profession.

After the dentist told him a great story, he looked this man in the eyes and said, "Well that's a stupid [expletive[ reason to become a dentist."

The asparagus hater.

Unsplash | Alisa Golovinska

"A woman was absolutely distraught that she was going to be made to eat asparagus and was repeatedly telling us that she did not like asparagus, especially with eggs, and was politely rejecting the asparagus she thought we were constantly offering her." - u/affogatohoe

The alarm clock.


"Woman woke up from surgery and said to her husband, “David! That alarm clock has a nose and it’s running! Wipe it!” this Redditor wrote. How extremely awkward it would be if her husband wasn't David...

The baby daddy.

Some family tea got DROPPED when this woman undergoing C-section under spinal anaesthesia + ketamine said, "Show my baby first to my brother-in-law, he deserves to see her first." Someone needs to get Maury in here.

The cigarette.

Unsplash | Adhy Savala

"The most memorable funny one was a guy who sat bolt upright, mime rolling a cigarette and tuck it behind his ear 'saving it for ‘ron' when I asked what he was doing. Anesthesia can be a wild trip." - u/neeeeerrrrrddddd

The *Harry Potter* fan.

"Oh god I woke up sobbing. I was convinced that I was married to Cedric Diggory and he had just been killed by Voldemort. I’m cringing so hard just thinking about it. I was inconsolable." - u/JamesLilian

The dog.

Unsplash | Gabe Rebra

This quote comes from a dog! Yes, really. One vet tech said that when a husky came out from anesthesia, it lifted his head and said, “thank you."

"The other tech and I just looked at each other and said, “holy [expletive], did he literally just say that?!?!

The roast.


"When my brother was waking up after a surgery, my mother was there taking care of him but he couldn't stop laughing. When he was finally able to squeeze out a few words he said: "mom, hahaha, mom your so ugly!" - u/Feisty_Monkey

The coming out party.

Unsplash | Priscilla Du Preez

"When I woke up, the nurse was going through the routine to make sure I was not brain dead. She asks me my name by saying 'who are you?' I respond with, 'I’m a lesbian.' My parents were in the room. They didn’t know at the time. That was how I came out." -u/PLANETshaker22

The anatomy freakout.

"Yelling for his brother then whispering loudly to him 'Check to see if I still have my dick... I think they took my dick' then proceeded to flash the whole room." -u/Krinder