For most of the weddings I’ve attended, I was happy to be there and to celebrate a beautiful new stage in life for either a dear friend or a close family member.
And considering how stressful weddings are the best of times and how badly the wedding industry seems to want wedded couples like they have infinite money, that said a lot about the grace and patience they showed in putting it together.
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With all that in mind, I want to make it clear that I’m hardly expecting brides to suffer the indignities they go through on the way to their big day with a smile, nor am I trying to pretend that she and her groom don’t have the final say over how that wedding will proceed.
But for those who gave rise to the term “bridezilla,” the obsession with shaping the wedding into their idea of “perfect” leads them to severely overestimate the amount of leeway their guests will give them and how much it’s acceptable for them to try and control.
Because trying to make a wedding “perfect” is the fastest way to make sure nobody actually enjoys it.
Some people need to learn that there’s a difference between their guests (and especially the members of their wedding party) and a piggy bank.
As I mentioned, it’s a pretty serious challenge for a wedding not to turn out incredibly expensive.
So it shouldn’t be unexpected or considered unreasonable that the couple would want to hold a Stag and Doe or another way to raise some funds among those who are attending, as long as everyone’s up front that that’s what’s happening.
I say that because it’s not unheard of for brides to wait until guests RVSP to drop a surprise “dinner fee” or to expect their guests to cough up $400 for their wedding gifts .
And that’s not even getting into the ones who demand upfront payments from their bridesmaids or even worse, con them into paying more for their dresses than they actually need to so the bride can pocket the difference.
These are all just examples of a common tendency among bridezillas that deserves one important reminder.
Unless you can prove otherwise, nobody owes you anything.
I’ve gone over how this applies to guests and those willing to pitch in and help with the wedding, but some bridezillas (and sometimes their grooms as well) apparently get it into their heads that even people who aren’t involved need to bend over backwards for them.
That how we ended up with one bizarre tale in which a couple were somehow under the impression that they were entitled to hold their wedding at a friend’s property after uninviting him to the event. And it’s how one bride walked away empty-handed after trying to get someone to 3D Print $3,000 worth of mini-wheelbarrows for free.
Although the couple may have ultimate control over their wedding, those who act like their guests (and others) are obligated to bow to their every whim will find themselves king and queen of an empty castle.
By a similar token, the more demands you make of your bridesmaids, the fewer you can expect to have.
For some reason, there seems to be an emerging trend for bridezillas to send their bridesmaids a list of demands that largely end up micromanaging their appearances.
And while it’s annoying enough when these lists get overly specific about the length and color of their hair and whether they’re allowed to wear glasses , others get downright hurtful and all but state that their enjoyment of their day hinges on how much their bridesmaids weigh .
Some of these messages also tack on a lot of expensive requirements for these bridesmaids, which just seems like a recipe for a flurry of responses stating their “regrets” that they can’t attend.
Those who obsess over making themselves the center of attention at all costs will get their wish in the worst way possible.
Of course, there are limits to a statement like this. If somebody’s gauche enough to propose to their sweetheart at somebody else’s wedding or make their speech all about embarrassing the couple, it’s hard to blame the bride for wanting to shut that down.
But while it is her day, that drive to make sure everybody knows is one of the main drivers behind the alienating list of demands I mentioned earlier in the first place.
This was particularly extreme in the case of one bride who demanded — and I quote, “DO NOT GET PREGNANT. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT YOU WILL BE UNINVITED. This is the ultimate betrayal. You should want everyone to focus on me for my day and we all know pregnant people steal all the attention.”
And yes, an outburst definitely ensures that you and your wedding will be memorable and no focus will be stolen from you. But good luck describing a wedding filled with that much resentment as “perfect.”
