We don’t always get along with our relatives. In fact, some relationships can be so tumultuous, it’s probably better for all parties to keep their distance.
It’s also probably not the best idea to force your kids to be around relatives they don’t like.
This dad recently posted his story to Reddit’s AITA sub, asking if he really is in the wrong for having her daughter visit with his parents behind his wife’s back.
There’s tension between the man’s wife and his parents.
Reddit user randomuser0372 starts off his post by saying, “My daughter is 13. I am married to my wife who has very feminist values. I also have my parents who are very traditional. My parents are extremely strict and can come off as cold but deep down they are loving, they don’t show it as much.”
“My daughter has made it clear from the time she was little that she hates my parents.”
“She would cry and refuse to get in the car to go see them so I would have them over,” he says. “They don’t let her speak unless she is spoken to first. They often judge what my daughter wears and does.”
“I usually have had them over when my wife is at work so she won’t speak up about them like she has in the past.”
“I know my daughter doesn’t like it but I want her to at least be able to see her grandparents and I hope she will be glad she did.”
I’m not a parent, but forcing your kid to visit someone they don’t like doesn’t sound like something they’ll be happy about later in life.
Then, the truth comes out.
“Yesterday my daughter revealed to my wife that for the past few years I have been having my parents over a few times a month,” the user says.
“My wife is pissed that I have been lying to her which I understand. But now she is saying to completely cut contact with my parents and never bring them around again. Despite their flaws, I deeply respect and love my parents.”
OP was feeling conflicted.
“I’m at a crossroad right now. My wife and daughter are sobbing and pissed at me and want me to abandon my parents, the people who gave me life and shaped me into the man I am today.”
Commenters weighed in.
It’s pretty apparent that the dad in this situation was being an asshole.
One comment reads, “[the parents] hate your wife, your daughter hates them because they don’t treat her with any respect…And your response is to declare loyalty to your parents and sneakily force your daughter to see them behind your wife’s back? For years? Yeah. YTA.”
People were on the side of the daughter and wife.
“Yeah seriously, of your kid is to the point of tears at the idea of going to see her grandparents, then there is a big issue. And the correct answer in that situation definitely isn’t ‘I’ll have them come over then,'” another comment reads.
It was pretty unanimous.
Pretty much every comment was along the lines of, “I’m seriously baffled and angry that OP thinks it’s totally fine to do this. For god’s sake, his parents are not letting the daughter speak unless she is spoken to, AND HE THINKS THATS OKAY?!”
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So yeah, I think it’s clear he was the asshole.
He did listen to the comments, though.
He edited his original post to say, “Wow. The comments and DMs have really gotten to me. I love my daughter and my wife more than anything and I know I have made some big mistakes.
“One of which was lying to my wife and not defending her or my daughter.”
“Which going forward I will set boundaries with my parents.”
“I don’t plan on cutting them off but nobody will be made to see them. I owe huge apologies to my wife and daughter. It’s late here but when they wake up I will talk to them,” he said.
Hopefully he’s learned his lesson. But wow, that whole story was really something else.
