Managing one’s own feelings can be tough sometimes. Things pile up and it can really begin to weigh someone down. What doesn’t help is when selfish parents begin expecting their children to help them manage their own emotions , too.
One daughter angered her father by not wanting to be even remotely involved with his second family, and then he threatened to cut contact with her, so she decided to ask around online to see if she was in the right.
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When a family dispute arises, it can sometimes be hard to know who is truly in the right.
With so many people involved and taking different sides, the truth becomes muddied.
When one girl wound up on one side of one of these arguments, she decided to get a second opinion by posting her situation online.
She began her post by saying her father had been in a ‘long-term affair’ with another woman that had resulted in the divorce between him and her mother.
“Their relationship began while he was married to my mom and he stayed with her even while he dated and was engaged to a different woman after my [parents’] divorce. I don’t think his latest ex ever knew about her but I’m not sure,” she wrote.
She went on to explain that she never approved, and all she ever asked of her father was that he keep her completely uninvolved. That is, don’t mention this woman at all around her, as she didn’t want to hear anything about her or their family.
This was going fine until her father surprised her by saying he’d invited them to their home to visit and asked her to ‘be polite’ while they were there.
She told him no. “That woman caused a lot of trauma during my childhood and aided in my [parent’s] divorce and I don’t condone women who knowingly are the other woman. I never want to see her and I made that clear. I said he can live his life as he wants but I will not be dragged into that.”
He became very angry with her, even telling her to lose his number, so she asked the internet if she was in the right to deny him this.
The comments were immediately flooded with support for her decision and disgust at her father’s behavior.
“You do not have to let this man have his cake and eat it, too,” wrote one user. “It’s about time there’s consequences for his selfish choices.”
Someone else agreed, saying, “[…] Your dad sucks! He doesn’t get to absolve the fact that he’s cheated on your mom with this woman just because he and your mom are divorced and he can be with her ‘openly’ now. He doesn’t get the right to play house and you don’t have to partake.”
One commenter in particular summed it up extremely well.
“To be honest, you were already compromising for the sake of the relationship and being super generous in remaining cordial and available so long as he respects a reasonable boundary. He is still with the woman who is at the root of a lot of trauma. He can feel however he wants about the separation of his original family and his secret family, but he doesn’t get to push you to be around his affair partner, especially when he knows how you feel about it.”
The affirmation that one’s boundaries are valid can feel so nice, she knows now that she did the right thing!
