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Quotes For People Who Have No Patience For Food Bloggers

Updated September 7, 2021

As a self-proclaimed amateur cook, I really rely on food bloggers to give me some much-needed guidance and help make my meals at least kind of edible, or at least visually appealing.

But here's the thing about food bloggers — they're annoying as heck to deal with. Look, I appreciate that you're out here trying to make some money and get that ad revenue on your recipe pages, but do I absolutely need to read through an essay about your childhood when all I want to know is how long this chicken is supposed to cook for?

If this problem sounds familiar, I think you're really going to appreciate these quotes.

You want the recipe? You gotta work for it.

Like I said, I appreciate that the men and women behind these blogs are just trying to make a living and keep people on their site for as long as possible.

But I really don't think we need to hear about your ancestors' journey to America for you to properly explain how to make a roux.

You're simply the best.

I can't even begin to explain the joy I feel in my heart when I see a food blogger included a "jump to recipe" link at the top of their page.

It fills me with so much hope and happiness that sometimes I almost tear up while realizing I don't have to read someone's dissertation on russet potatoes to find out what I need to do with them to make this meal.

I will abandon this ship so quickly, don't tempt me.

Look, my attention span is so short that you will regularly find me using three different screens at a time while also listening to a podcast. Don't be so naïve to think that I will stick around on this recipe page for longer than I need to.

I don't care about your feelings on avocado oil versus olive oil. I just came here to find out what temperature to set my oven to. If you can't tell me that in a concise fashion, I'm out of here.