Reddit | [deleted]

10+ Men Share Stories Of Shutting Down Sexist Behavior From Peers

Updated September 6, 2021

If you study the history of social movements, it will immediately become clear that no matter what kind of change you're seeking in the ways we get along, it won't come easily.

Because even if the change you're fighting for has a lot of popular support, you're almost guaranteed to find that as hard as you're working for social progress, there are others working just as hard to keep things the way they are.

And when enough of those people close ranks around you, it's hard not to feel as though you're standing alone against them. But as we're about to see in one powerful example, it can sometimes turn out that you had more allies in the fight than you realized.

At around this time last year, Twitter user @emrazz asked men on the platform about times they spoke up about misogynistic or predatory behavior they saw in other guys around them.

Not only were these men encouraged to share their stories but they were also encouraged to use the #NotCoolMan hashtag to make more people aware of what they can do when they see an uncomfortable situation develop near them.

When one former grocery store worker called out their coworkers for following a female customer around, it came at a price.

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But while his job ended up becoming harder as a result of telling his coworkers they were creeping her out, it doesn't seem like this man would've changed a thing about how he reacted that day.

But of course, the situation changes a lot when you witness that kind of behavior as a customer.

And as this man explained in a separate tweet, that bartender knew he was a friend of the bar's owner so he knew it would be wise to take that warning seriously.

Although many of us aren't spending that much time in public places nowadays, this person's story makes it clear that there are still ways we can help from home.

After all, it should be pretty clear by now that harassment happens just as often online as it does in person.

And as anyone who's sat in on the vile back-and-forths of a Call of Duty lobby knows, that can go into overdrive when people are playing games with each other.

Sometimes, even the people we trust with our lives can be part of the problem.

But whether the issue at hand is sexism or just doctors getting too smug about their authority over nurses, it's not something we need to put up with or excuse.

My mom didn't when she was giving birth to me and the doctor told her to just leave stuff lying around for the nurse to pick up and neither should we.

This man thought of an interesting variation of a common tactic people use when they see someone being harassed.

For those who are unaware, it's not unheard of for a stranger to pretend to know someone being harassed just so they can help them escape the situation and ward the perpetrator off.

But in this case, the guy pretended to know the harasser as an in-road to attack the root of the problem.

For one dad, shutting down sexist behavior seems to be an everyday struggle.

Reddit | Lourdez01

When you're packed in the same room every day with a bunch of other kids, some of what they say and do can have a way of rubbing off on you whether you realize it or not.

And when that stuff is harmful, it's better to have that addressed when we're still young and malleable than it is to have to claw our ways back to human decency as adults.

Sometimes, there are ways to subtly make your point when others start using sexist language.

And regardless of how "passy-gressy" they were in doing it, it seems that it didn't take too long before this person's coworker realized how he looked to them.

But of course, some situations call for a much more direct approach.

And when it seemed like someone had some sinister intentions with a person who was too drunk to consent, it became imperative to let him know he was no longer welcome at that party.

And from experience, the more people you have backing you up when you kick someone out, the more likely they are to stay gone.

As embarrassed as this guy might be about how he handled this situation, it's the fact that he did something at all that's important.

After all, other users seemed to focus more on the fact that he put himself at risk for another person's wellbeing than on what he happened to yell in the process of doing that.

No matter how tempting it may feel to be agreeable all the time, there are many times when what people need to hear is vastly different from what they want to hear.

And while diminutive names like this can be cute between partners and friends, they usually just come as a patronizing when they're thrown at coworkers.

Apparently, some folks need to hear it from multiple people before they get that message.

While it may not be the only example of this response in what turned out to be a very long Twitter thread, it's interesting to hear that one man's story literally involved the phrase, "not cool, man."

And this story is also an interesting case that illustrates that just because someone is being defensive when we address these issues with them, that doesn't always mean they're done with the conversation.

And as another person showed from their tale, sometimes people exhibiting sexist behavior can take the backlash to heart more than they let on.

And in this case, the fact that the boss asked why they weren't laughing turned out to be pretty telling. And of course, so did the sudden change in subject.

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